661. Sometimes, if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most of the times, what you want and what you get are two different things. Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul. Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole. Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger. Although we can't have everything we want, we can want everything we have.

662. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's difficulties. We should learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny, and when we find ourselves lost in darkness and despair, remember - it's only in the black of the night that we can see the stars, and those stars will lead us back home. So, we should not be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble, to fall. Because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing things that scare us the most.

663. A cute love story: There was a little boy whose first love was a young girl in a picture which he found and picked from the street. As time went by, he got married, but still kept it. One day, the wife found it and asked, "Where did you get this?" The man said, "I kept that since I was a child, why?" The girl replied, "I lost this picture when I was 9..."

664. Love? Shakespeare explained it thru Romeo and Juliet. Picaso thru his paintings. Lovers thru flowers. But no one beats my bestfriend's style, he explained it to me thru the cross.

665. We don't look for love because it's lonely to be watching movies alone, because it's sad to eat meals on your own, because it's nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days. We look for love because we want to be accepted, for the sloppy ways we dress, for the clumsy way we eat our meals, for bad hair days and for the simplicity in us. Love is an act of acceptance, that with all our imperfections, we are accepted and loved.

666. Joey said to Dawson in Dawson's Creek, "I fell in love twice, first was with you, second was the person you became when you're already mine..." Sweet noh?

667. There maybe those on earth who dress better or eat better, but those who dream of me sleep better and wake up happier! Good night!

668. If love gets broken, you can look for a new one. If a glass gets broken, you can always buy a new one. But if friendship gets broken, you can never have the same one.

669. In the maze of love, try not to lose yourself, so that when love is no longer willing to stay, you still have the greatest posession and gift that no one could take away... yourself.

670. Once, I asked myself, "Is love a multiple choice test or is it true or false?" Out of nowhere, a voice answered, "Sorry to tell you this, but love is a thousand word essay."

671. Appreciate life itself even though it's not a bed of roses. Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you wish but the appreciation of what you have. Good evening!

672. I love mornings! It makes me think of the value of life, it asks me to live not on yesterday's sorrows nor tomorrow's dreams, but today's blessings! Good morning! Magandang umaga!

673. Sometimes, when you love someone very much, you have to go thru every tear, every heartache, every pain. Because in the end, it's not how you suffered, but how much you loved!

674. We may go seperate ways, live different lives. We might have different interests, do different things, believe in different aspects. But for as long as we believe we're friends, we'll forever be.

675. Don't shield yourself from pain, never fear pain either. Face whatever it is that comes your way. Don't be afraid to stumble and fall, to cry and get hurt. Dread not those helpless moments, when you can't even fight your tears back, and all you can do is stare at something and let time pass. You can only understand happiness after you've felt pain. Life is not fair, it never was, and it won't ever be. All we can do is to live it to the fullest.

676. I've learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you're only letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned that ignoring the facts do not change the facts. I've learned that the easiest way to grow as a person is to surround yourself with people smarter than you are. I've learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. And I've learned that life is tough, but you can be tougher!

677. Here is a sweet truth: "Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else." Here is the bitter catch: "When you kept on waiting but nobody came, it means that you've already let that one pass you by."

678. A great life is not about routine but doing something rare. To cherish and not to compare. To forgive, not to blame, and to be loving without counting. Laugh at your mistakes but learn from them. Joke over your troubles but gather strength from them. Have fun with your difficulties but overcome them.

679. You can't claim to be good if you've never been tempted to be bad. You can't claim to be faithful if you've never had the opportunity to be unfaithful. Integrity is built by defeating temptation to be dishonest, humility grows when we refuse to be prideful and endurance develops everytime you reject the temptation to give up. Good morning!

680. When life gets difficult, when the tasks become tiring, when you are about to give up, always remember that... the snail got to Noah's ark inch by inch to survive!



681. Facing life's challenges is never easy. We are struggling in many ways. God may not give all the easy ways but He gives all the love we need to carry on. Good morning!

682. Behind my smiles are my kept tears. Behind my jokes are my hidden problems. Hindi man ako laging tunay na masaya, sana, andyan ka lang kapag hindi ko na kaya.

683. Hmm, random question, try mo lang sagutin. Kapag nagpapicture ba ang mascot, ngumingiti din ang tao sa loob? I wonder.. =)

684. Ano ang tawag sa hipon na madalas madisgrasya? Eh di, accident prawn! Ano ang tawag sa mabilis sa pagkain? Fast food! Sa mas mabilis? Fasta! E ang pinakamabilis? Sofas!

685. A couple at the wishing well, husband leans over, made a wish and throws coin. Wife made a wish, but leans too much, falls in and drowns. Husband: Hala, ang bilis naman! =)

686. Minsan, mahuhuli mo akong nakatitig sa iyo! Huwag mo na lang akong pansinin! Sabi kasi ng mama ko, cute daw ako kaya iniisip ko kung anong itsura ng hindi cute!

687. Kapag sinaktan at ipinagpalit ka ng mahal mo at inimbitahan ka pa sa kasal nila, pumunta ka, hawakan mo ang kamay nya at ibulong mo, "Sukob ang kasal mo!"

688. There's no special reason kung bakit ako nagtetext. Gusto lang kitang abalahin, kasi, alam ko na busy ka. And hope to make you smile and say, "Hehehe, si kukote talaga, papansin!"

689. Ngiti ka para mawala problema... ngiti ka kaibigan. Ngiti ka kahit kanino, ngiti lang nang ngiti. Isang paalala mula sa Philippine Mental Hospital.

690. Once in your life, you'll find a friend who's true to you (ako yun!) Kaya never take me for granted (dapat lang!) Never let me go (it's up to you!) Because if you lose me, you can never find me again! (ikaw din!)

691. Boy1: Bakit bad trip ka? Boy2: Tampo sa akin ang utol ko! B1: Bakit naman? B2: Nakalimutan kong birthday nya! B1: Yun lang? Anong masama dun? B2: Masama dun, twins kami! Twiiiinnns!

692. Ang tunay na cute, mahiyain, tahimik at higit sa lahat, makakalimutin. at.. at.. at.. ano pa nga yun? Shocks! Nakalimutan ko na naman. Nakakahiya tuloy.

693. Sa tuwing tampuhan, madalas sabihin, "Sorry, hindi ko sinasadya." "Sensya na, hindi na mauulit." "Galit ka pa ba?" Hindi ba mas masarap pakinggan kung sasabihing "Eto one thousand, bati na tayo ha?"

694. Two boys talking and reached the topic about love. Boy1: Pre, kumusta ang lovelife mo? Boy2: Wala, ganun pa rin. Boy1: Bakit pare? Kayo pa rin? Boy2: Hindi pre, ikaw pa rin!

695. Paano ba ang tamang pagbati sa umaga? Good morning! Luma na. Gud am! Maikli. Magandang umaga! Tagalog, baduy! Alam mo kung anong masarap pakinggan? Eh di, "Hi, cute! Gising na!" =) Smile ha!

696. Sa isang ospital. Lola (may cancer): Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin? Doc: Che-chemo lola. Lola: T*ti mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!

697. Nung bata ako, tuwing may kasal, lagi akong tinutukso nina lolo at lola, "Uy, sya na ang susunod." Tumigil lang sila nung may libing at tinukso ko sila ng "Uy, sila na susunod!"

698. Have you experienced doing things that no matter what you do, you just can't? I have. I tried to drink up all the water from the drinking fountain, ang hirap pala! =)

699. It's nice to wake up, and sleep again, di ba?! Good morning!! =)

700. Minsan, nakakapagod maghabol at makipaglaro ng taguan sa taong mahal mo. Pero alam mo, mas nakakapagod at mas mahirap magtaguan lalo pa kung ikaw ang taya sa Mall of Asia! =)

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621. In a world where everybody meets a jerk, you know you don't need to be serious. Hangout, pretend and play with them. Have fun and stop; no attachment, no commitment, no pain. Convenient, isn't it? But at the end of the show, you know you're still yearning for something genuine. You realized that what you are really looking for is someone who can look at you straight in the eyes and tell you he/she loves you, someone worth every risk of pain, someone who will stay, someone who will simply make a difference...

622. "E" is the most unfortunate character in the alphabet. It is always out of "cash", forever in "debt", never out of "danger" and in "hell" all the time. But notice that "e" is never in "war" and always in "peace." It's the beginning of "existence" and the end of "trouble." Without "e", we would have no "love", "life" or "heaven." Go E!

623. I love sleep... My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. - Ernest Hemingway.

624. I think that sometimes we love a person so much that we have to be numb to it; because if we actually felt how much we really love, then it would kill us.

625. Some won't appreciate what you say or do, but as long as you speak honestly from the heart, you'll be fine. This is not a perfect world. This is not a perfect life. But life loves the person who dares to live it by being real. Bon Jour!

626. Cook your own breakfast by mixing happiness, faith and wisdom; add a little understanding, a pint of hope and a spoonful of love; top with a lot of smiles! Good morning!

627. We may never talk, we may never laugh, we may never do things together, but our friendship doesn't limit to that. What's important is when there's no one to turn to, I'd be there to stand by you.

628. Sometimes in life, we tend to run so fast that we don't notice God running with us. We only notice Him when we fall, yet He stops, carries us and says, "Finish the race my child." Good day!

629. I'm giving you a part of my friendship not because you deserve it. But I guess, it already belongs to you. It might not be enough, it might be too small, but this little part could probably be my all. Good morning!

630. Always remember that God only makes happy endings. If it's not happy, then, it's not yet the end. Live by love and hope, there is always something to look forward to. God bless.

631. Put God on top of everything today and let Him take charge of all your plans. Then you'll see how beautiful His ways are and His unending love. Good day!

632. What is wrong with your phone? I tried calling you, but the operator said, "Welcome to the jungle! The monkey you are trying to call in on the tree. Please, try again later."

633. Real person are not those who are always around you when everything is almost perfect. They are the ones who dig deep into the ground when you're down just to put you up and say, "Everything's gonna be alright."

634. Army: I'm going to buy my wife a bra but I don't know the size. Saleslady: Don't worry sir, just touch my breast and try to estimate. Army: Oh, I forgot! She needs panty too!

635. Lion to mouse: "I'm getting married soon. What's the best advice you can give me?" Mouse: "Remember this, I was once a lion before I got married."

636. A little boy was so jealous about his newborn brother so he put poison on the nipple of his mom while asleep. The next day, their driver died!

637. When things go wrong, when everything you've tried didn't work out, when all else fails, and you feel things hanging... Control+Alt+Del... restart mo na yan!

638. Short story... 2 friends, See and Saw. One day, See saw sea and Saw didn't see sea. See saw sea and jumped in sea. Saw didn't see sea but jumped in sea. See saw Saw in sea and Saw saw See in sea. See saw both Saw and sea and both Saw and See were happy to see sea. Kung henyo ka, ikwento mo naman sa akin ng mas malinaw.

639. Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang ang toothbrush ko! Sister: Sandali, nakapanty lang ako! Pari: Ok, antay ako. Sister: Pasok na, wala na akon panty! Hihihi!

640. Three boys at the mall: Boy1: Shit, ang cute naman nung girl! Boy2: Sexy pa! Grabe! Boy3: Sino? Yung nakamini-skirt? Kilala ko sya, tawagin ko ha?! Kuyaaaah! =)



641. Jr: I know the truth, Mom! Mom: Ha?! Ito P500, huwag ka lang maingay sa daddy mo ha? Jr: Dad, I know the truth! Dad: Ha?! Ito P1000, huwag ka lang maingay sa mommy mo ha! Jr: (Ok pala ito! Subukan ko nga din sa katulong namin.) Inday! Alam ko na ang katotohanan! Inday: Sa wakas! Yakapin mo ako, anak ko!

642. Marami ang nagsasabi na makulit daw ako. Totoo ba? Na makulit ako? Ha? Totoo ba? Ano? Totoo ba? Sagoooot! Totoo ba? Ha? Ha? Totoo? Ano? Totoo? Huuyy! Ano? Makulit ba ako? Makulit ba? Hindi naman di ba? Sagot! Bakit hindi ka sumagot? Kulit ko ba talaga? Hindi naman, di ba? Baka ikaw ang makulit! Kaw pala ang makulit, pindot ka pa ng pindot eh. Kita mo, ikaw ang makulit! O, pumipindot pa rin! O, kulit! Oh, ano? Pindot ka pa rin? Bahala ka! Wala na, pindot pa rin ng pindot! Sino ngayon ang makulit? Ikaw!

643. I ask God to bless you, guide you, keep you safe, give you peace, give you love and joy and cash everyday. Ok yon, di ba?

644. Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain! Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo! Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo? Pedro: Asin!

645. Nurse: Miss, gising na! Patient: Ah, bakit? Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot. Patient: Anong gamot? Nurse: Sleeping pills.

646. Boy Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple. Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love. Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte. Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!

647. Kano: (trying to speak tagalog) Megkanow isang kelow mang-gow? Pinoy: One way! Kano: Megkanow? Pinoy: I said one way! Kano: Ano eybig sabeyhin one way? Pinoy: Isang daan!

648. Parrot sa dumadaang babae: Panget! Panget! Babae: Kapag sinabi mo pa ulit yan sa akin, papatayin na kita! Next day. Parrot: Psst! Babae: Bakit?! Parrot: Alam mo na! =)

649. It's my obligation to pray for you, to make you happy and comfort you. When you're down, I will lift your spirits. Wala naman akong choice eh, ganyan ang papel ng mga angels.

650. Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak? Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu! Ama: Aba, magaling! Anong subject yun, anak? Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!

651. Madaming gago sa mundo at handa silang gaguhin ka, pero hindi nila alam, may kaibigan ka na mas gago sa kanila. Subukan lang nilang gaguhin ka, gagaguhin ko ang kapwa ko gago kapag nasaktan ka!

652. Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas! Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?! Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh. =)

653. Minsan, nakukuha kong tumawa kahit malungkot. Nakukuha kong magbago kahit sobrang hirap. Nakukuha kong ngumiti sa mga problema. Lahat yata, makakaya ko, huwag lang yung kalimutan ako ng nagbabasa nito.

654. Kapag balisa ka, remember God's promise. Kapag inis ka, control yourself. Kapag may problema, pray. At kapag wala kang pera, isipin mo ako. Kasi, hindi ka nag-iisa. Wala din akong pera! Hehehe.

655. One great problem in life is loneliness. But somehow, texting gives relief. It's like making a tap at the back saying, "Ayos ka lang ba dyan? Eto lang ako ha, ingat!"

656. Binata: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo. Ale: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya. Binata: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.

657. Even though you're far away, always remember that I'm here to stay. So, if ever you're lonely and blue, pacheck-up ka oy! Walang taong blue! Ano ka, si Doraemon?! Hehehe.

658. Thought of the Day: Kapag binuhat ba kita at binuhat mo ako ng sabay, lulutang ba tayo pareho?

659. What is the best and worst news a man might hear at the same time? It's when your girlfriend says, "Ikaw talaga ang may pinakamalaking etits sa lahat ng kabarkada mo!" =)

660. Sa simbahan, isang bata: Lord, bigyan nyo po ako ng bike! Kinabukasan, wala syang natanggap kaya humiling ulit sya: Lord, bigyan nyo ako ng bike!! Pero wala pa ring natanggap. The next day, napansin ng pari na nawala ang rebulto ni Mama Mary! May nakita syang sulat sa altar: "Lord, kung gusto mo pang makita ang mama mo, bigyan mo ako ng bike!"

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581. I ain't someone whom you can rely on all the time. I can't always turn your tears into smiles, but even if I can't be a great person at all, still, I'm trying to be the simplest person you can count on.

582. I believe my life is like a jeepney and I am the driver. Some people are coming in and out of my life. Some of them I remember, some of them I don't. But you? You will always be my special passenger.

583. Good morning! May Christ shine in everything you do. With a prayer that you'll be safe not only today but always. God bless.

584. I might have forgotten to tell your worth. I might have missed to say you're appreciated. But your existence goes beyond my happiness and that no words can ever express how fulfilled I am of you being my friend.

585. Life is a continuous challenge, a constant struggle from womb to tomb. We are not made rich by what is in our pockets, but by what is in our hearts.

586. Friendship is like a job. At first, we are applicants, then we become contractuals and if our performance is good, we become regular. Except for one thing, a friend can work even without salary.

587. He said, "I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so I'll let you go to find him and hope someday, you'll see that the one true love you are looking for is the one who set you free."

588. Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables.

589. The person meant for you is the person who will love you even when there's no more reason to love you. For in your nothingness, the one meant for you will find what's lovable in you.

590. When things turn out bad and your strength is no longer enough to carry them, you must never give up, because when your strength ends, my worth as your friend begins.

591. Sometimes, we are in love in the idea of falling in love. Loving the illusion of having or missing someone. It's alright to feel happy thru other people, but don't get dependent on achieving happiness by being with someone. Love yourself first before sharing your life with somebody, because if you don't, you will always look for people that you think can make you complete. And in the end, it will make you lose yourself more, bit by bit, piece by piece.

592. Do you know why God created gaps between fingers? So that someday, the one who is made by God for you will come and fill those gaps by holding your hands forever.

593. Forget the things that made you sad and remember those that made you glad. Forget the troubles that passed away and remember the blessings that come each day. Good morning!

594. When you miss someone, your heart starts to shout that person's name. For some reason, my heart just won't stop shouting your name. I guess, you are smart enough to figure out what I mean. =)

595. Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt so empty for no reason? Have you ever felt so down but you just can't tell why? Have you ever felt like the world suddenly spins around you, and you are caught in the middle going nowhere? Weird, isn't it? But that's the beauty of being human... it is knowing that there is a purpose for each existence, and whatever that may be, it is also the reason why we still wake up breathing each morning, to discover that missing piece of puzzle that would make our lives complete. Have a nice sleep!

596. Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it or work around it. Good morning!

597. Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet bowl. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush.

598. Hubby and wife travelling by car, not talking after quarrel. Passing farm of goats, mules and pigs, hubby asked sarcastically, "Relative of yours?" Wife replied, "Yup, in-laws!"

599. Can you beat this logic? A man and his wife were getting divorce at a local court. The mother wants the custody of their children, but the father also wants the same. The mother said to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain the custody of them. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and said, "Judge, if I put a dollar into a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belongs to me or to the machine?"

600. A man reads a book in bed next to his wife and his finger went to tickle his wife's pussy. Wife asks, "You want sex?" "No, just to wet my fingers to turn the page!"



601. May mga lalakeng ok sa malayuan, talo naman sa malapitan. Tawag sa kanila, mga lalakeng uy! ay! Uy! Ang cute nya! Ay, bading pala! Sapul ba? Toink!

602. Apo: Lola, 99 na kayo ni lolo, ano ang ikinamatay nya kanina? Lola: Apo, nagmake-love kami. Sinasabayan nya ang church bell, dahan-dahan lang. Kaso, may dumaang sorbetero. =)

603. Mag-asawa, nag-aaway. Babae: Punyeta ka! Lalake: Punyeta ka rin! Babae: Tarantado! Lalake: Tarantado ka rin! Babae: Supot! Lalake: Yun nga lang... =)

604. Man1: May tatlong joke ako. Man2: Ano yun? Man1: Joke, joke joke!

605. Sexy girl nagkukumpisal. Priest: O iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal? Sexy: Father, kapag nakakarinig po ako ng lalakeng nagmumura, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong yayain syang magsex. Priest: Put*ng ina, hindi nga?! =)

606. Kagabi, nanaginip ako, kumakain daw ako ng cotton candy. Maraming cotton candy. Pagkagising ko, wala na ang unan ko!

607. Bawat kabataan, may karapatan. Karapatang gumala, umuwi anytime, makipagdate sa dyowa. Magalit man ang parents mo, sabihin mo, "Sa bahay na ito, ako ang batas!" Sabay takbo!

608. Minsan, puro ako biro, laging parang nakadrugs, lagi na lang nakatawa. Pero sana, maniwala ka sa akin, nagseseryoso din ako. Ako, ako ang magliligtas sa mundo, maniwala ka pare. =)

609. Babala: Huwag laruin ang puso ng babae dahil nag-iisa lang ito. Ok lang laruin ang suso, dalawa naman ito.

610. Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko! Dad: Bakit? Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko. Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba? Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.

611. Juan: Inay, si Pedro, hindi ako pinagkape sa burol ng tatay nya. Nanay: Hayaan mo anak, kapag namatay ang tatay mo, hindi rin natin sya pagkakapehin.

612. Shhh, ayon sa survey, sa ganitong oras daw, ang mga cute ay nagtetext na at ang mga pangit ay nagbabasa pa! Hehehe! Ipasa mo, dali! Para ikaw naman ang cute!

613. Read each word reversely. A suomaf rotcod dlot em taht ylno latnem stneitap evah eht tnelat ot daer SMS neve nehw sti nettirw ylesrever. Oh, nabasa mo?

614. Prof: Meron bang tanga dito sa klase? Kung meron, tumayo! (May tumayong estudyante.) Prof: Tanga ka ba? Estudyante: Naawa lang ako sa iyo sir. Ikaw lang ang nakatayo eh, samahan na kita.

615. Ngayon ay araw ng mga magaganda at gwapo, mga sexy at matalino. Send this sa taong iniisip mong bumabagay sa message na ito. Huwag mo nang isend sa akin dahil libo-libo na ang natanggap ko!

616. Ei! Baka may friend ka na gustong magwork. P18,500 ang starting. Sa palengke nga lang... tagalista ng noisy!

617. Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda? Mr: Oo naman. Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako? Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.

618. Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan ng mga favorite nyang pagkain. Maid: Opo, sir. Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!

619. Kulas: Siopao nga, yung babae. Waitress: Babae? Kulas: Oo, yung may papel na sapin, parang napkin. Waitress: Ah! Lalake ang nandito. Kulas: Lalake? Waitress: May itlog po!

620. Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko? Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa. Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?! Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!

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541. Three people you will meet in life: First is the one you love most, second is the one who loves you most and the third is the one you spend the rest of your life with. Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person. The one you love most doesn't love you. The one who loves you the most is never the one you love the most, and the one you spend your life with, is neither the one you love nor the one who loves you the most. He/she is just the person who happens to be a the right place at the right time.

542. There will come a time in your life when you will fall in love with a single soul. For this person, you would do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why, you have no answer. You will try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you, but you'll never find out. And no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts, you will love this person without regret, for the rest of your life.

543. You will never realize how much you care about a person until the thought of him/her being with someone else is enough to break your heart.

544. Sometimes, we dream on ideal love we wanted. When it comes, we give the best to hold on to it, but though we gave more than enough, they still hurt us for the reason we don't understand.

545. Man went to confession. Man: Father, during the war, a beautiful young lady asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in the attic. Father: That's a very good gesture, you need not confess. Man: But as the days went, she repaid me with daily sexual favors. Father: That is still forgiven my son. Man: But I have another question. Father: What is it my son? Man: Shall I tell her the war is over? =)

546. Lady: Teach me how to play badminton. Coach: Hold the racket the way you hold your husband's cock. Lady: Ok. Coach: No! No! Ma'am, please take the racket out of your mouth! Hahaha!

547. My doctor once told me that a great friend by my side is good for my health. So, if I want to live longer, I must stick with you forever. Good night!

548. Your life doesn't need to be perfect, you don't need to be rich, you don't need to be famous, as long as a friend like me exists, jackpot ka! Cute na, mahal ka pa! =)

549. I know how busy you are right now. I know you have so many things to do. But I just want to steal a single moment of your time to ask... Kapamilya: Deal or No Deal?

550. Who said fill in the blank is very easy? Try this. Fill in the blank with Yes or No. "___, I am not a normal person."

551. Friendship is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends. It only reminds us, life is not perfect without a friend.

552. Life is like the ocean, now troubled, later calm. Full of trials, filled with tests. But even how big the waves are, and no matter how high the tide is, always remember that, "Tide is mirakol!" Good night!

553. I showed a picture of myself to you and said, "Tingnan mo oh, tayong dalawa." But you said, "Asan ako?" Then, I pointed at my chest and smiled, "Nandito ka sa puso ko."

554. Wife stands in front of a mirror and tells husband, "I'm ugly, my boobs are sagging, my ass is too fat. Give me a compliment." Husband: "You have a very good eyesight."

555. What makes life wonderful? Friends, to share the great moments in life. Friends, to take the blues away. Friends, that make you smile all the time! Good day!

556. Real beauty is not based on physical features but in the heart. Yan ang motto ng mga pangit! Ito ang sa atin... With good looks comes great responsibility! Good morning!

557. As the sky breaks into a beautiful sunrise, may God open the heavens to shower you lots of love and happiness and make your day a truly meaningful one. Have a nice day!

558. I wish you wake up this morning realizing what a wonderful person you are and the world is blessed to have you as a part of it. Enjoy life! Good morning!

559. Imagine life without me. (long spaces) See?! Hahanapin mo ako. Don't worry, I'll never leave you. I'm always here for you.

560. Caring is a wonderful gift that no one can buy. It is made up of love that roots in our hearts to make fruits of memory not just for a while but for a lifetime. Good morning!



561. The important element of closeness is communication, that's the reason why my fingers are still pressing the keys on my phone, because I don't want to cut the line that connects us. Good day!

562. Ahas1: Makamandag ba tayo? Ahas2: Ewan, bakit? Ahas1: Nakagat ko ang dila ko kanina eh, kinakabahan ako.

563. Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo! Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa! Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!

564. Hindi ko na kayang mabigo sa love. Kaya kumuha ako ng taling matibay, itinali ko sa puno. Sabi ng mga kapitbahay, "Huwag, mahal ka namin!" Sabi ko, "Eh ano naman? Magsasampay lang ako, nakikialam kayo!"

565. Love, love, love, ipasok mo na! Sige na, bilisan mo! Bilis, basa na! Basang basa na, ipasok mo na! Ipasok mo na, bilis! Ipasok mo na ang mga isinampay kong damit at umuulan na!

566. Para sa makulit, pero mabait. Para sa sabog, pero kalog. Para sa mapang-asar, pero thoughtful. Para sa maloko, pero cute. Para sa akin pala ito?! Pakisend nga ulit!

567. Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US. Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod. Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.

568. Tumabi ako sa iyo at huminga ng malalim. Tinanong mo ako, "Bakit?" Ngumiti ako. Nagtanong ka ulit, "Bakit nga?" Sumagot ako, "Bakit ba? Masama bang huminga?"

569. Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like., because the one you like will leave you for the one they love. Minikaniko ni Moniko ang makina ni Monica. Bituka, butika, butiki. Pasko, paksiw, pasko, paksiw. Tongue twister lang, akala mo, inspirational? =)

570. Reporter: Sir, do you watch CNN? Pinoy: Walang oras. R: Do you read books? P: Walang oras. R: Do you play golf? P: Walang oras. R: Do you drink wine or liquor? P: Walong oras!

571. Husband: Hindi ako makatulog, lagi kong naiisip ang utang ko kay pare na dalawang milyong piso. Wife: Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mo, hindi ka makakabayad para sya naman ang hindi makatulog.

572. GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan? Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na "Sugarfree." GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!

573. Teacher: Magbigay ng halimbawa ng may number. Boy: Cellphone, calculator, keyboard, clock at remote control! Teacher: Very good. Ano pa? Boy: Ang tatay ko pa. May number 2!

574. Frat leader: Balita ko, gay ka?! Member: Hindi ako bakla! Chismax lang yun ng mg chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenelyn nila! Mga chaka ever! Me, Baklush? Haller?!

575. Ang ulan, handa ka man o hindi, bumubuhos. Pero sa tuwing papatak ito, may isang taong handang mabasa kasama mo. Sya yung taong wala ring payong! Of course! =)

576. Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. Count the money in your pocket, and then, hati tayo! Wow!

577. Pare1: Hihiwalayan ko na ang Misis kong sinungaling. Natulog daw sya kagabi sa ate nya. Pare2: Anong masama dun? Pare1: Pare, katabi kong natulog ang ate niya kagabi!

578. Sa isang kumbento, may naghagis ng ti** ng kabayo. Nagkagulo, nagsigawan at nag-iyakan ang mga madre sabay sabing, "Huhuhu, mga sisters, patay na si father!"

579. Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse in Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice Cream? Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga bata, Mirinda na!" Lufet!

580. A priest at a church. Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari? Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!

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501. Prayer is a perfume to our soul and a fragrance that pleases God. Wear your prayer everyday and let it freshen you anytime, anywhere you go. Have a blessed and sweet-scented day!

502. You might be sending messages that I might erase. But the thought that you cared and spent your time for me is something that will last forever.

503. The more silently love is expressed, the more it is deeply bound to impress. No wonder God loves us in silence and gives us the miracles of having friends.

504. Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

505. Love is not a matter of finding the right person but creating the right relationship.

506. To be in love is to be living in a dream come true.

507. You eased the pain when I faked the wound. You calmed me down when I faked the mood. You are instantly there when I faked the call. But why didn't you catch me? I did not fake the fall!

508. They say nothing in the world is perfect. But I know one exception, the joining of our two hearts.

509. American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino: Use my name 4x in a sentence. Pedro: "Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul!" Galing ng Pinoy!

510. With my 1 heart, 2 eyes, 5 liters of blood, 206 bones, 1.2 million red blood cells, 60 trillion DNA, I want you to know that... Gusto ko lang magyabang about anatomy! Hahaha!

511. Once a book of friendship was opened, it should never be closed again. A living book meant to be read and enjoyed forever. I hope our book of friendship never be closed!

512. Kapag ako patay na, punta ka sa burol ko ha? Alam ko, lalapit ka sa kabaong ko para mang-asar at sabihing... "Walanghiya ka kukote! Minsan ka na lang magpainom, bakit kape pa?" Hehehe.

513. Life is like a road that we should pass thru till its very end. But if one day, you feel you're tired walking, I will comfort you in my arms sabay sabi, "May jeep naman kasi, bakit nilakad mo?"

514. Q: How will a gentleman say to his dinner date that he needs to go to the toilet? A: Excuse me, I have to shake hands with a friend of mine who hopes to meet you after dinner. =)

515. Translate in English: May baliw, gumahasa ng labandera at tumakas. NUT SCREWS WASHER and BOLTS.

516. Customer: Miss, pabili ng condom, yung medium. Tindera: Dito sir, isukat nyo sa fitting room. Customer: Maluwang! Tindera: Sige lang sir, yan ang uso ngayon. Hip hop!

517. Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento! Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator? Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko!

518. While I was walking alone, something special happened, I can't believe what I saw.. Gems!... Yap! Ang tangkad pala nya noh? Kasama pa nya si Kres!

519. Mrs1: O mare, bakit ka umiiyak? Mrs2: Nag-away kami ni pare, gusto nya, sex kami, style aso, tumanggi ako! Mrs1: Masarap naman yun! Mrs2: Masarap nga, kaso, gusto nya, sa kalsada! Ngek!

520. I miss the TIMES.. and also the PLUS, MINUS, pati na rin DIBAYDIBAY! Hehehe. Ikaw? Miss mo rin ba?



521: Lovers making love: Gf: Alam mo love, ikaw lang ang nakapagkama sa akin! Bf: Swerte ko naman! Gf: Oo naman! Kasi, yung iba, sa sala, kusina, lababo, kubeta, kulungan, damuhan at marami pa! =)

522. Minsan, sa buhay natin, hindi maiiwasang mabasa ng ulan, maranasan ang bagyo. Pero sa mga pagkakataong ito, tandaan mo kaibigan, payong ang dalhin mo, huwag kapote. Ano ka, Grade 1?

523. "Happy 40 thoughtful years, Goldilocks!" Send this to 40 people within 2 days or else, magiging cake ka! Totoo ito! Yung friend ko, naging cake na. Black forest na sya.. promise!

524. Lucio Tan said, if a man has only 1 wife, wife often fights man; if man has 2 wives, wives fight each other; but if man has 4 wives, the wives play mahjong.

525. Higa kita sa kama. Tapos, huhubaran kita. Hahalikan kahit saan. Hahaplusin ko buong katawan mo! Tapos, tatanggalin ko ang Diaper mo. Baby, don't cry ha!

526. Anak: Nay, ano ba yung sex? Ina: Yun ang ginagawa ng mag-asawa para ipadama ang pagmamahal nila sa isa't isa. Anak: Haba naman. Paano ko pagkakasyahin yun sa biodata? =)

527. IQ Test: A farmer has 12 cows and 5 pigs. One day, he went to the market with 2 cows and 3 pigs not knowing that 6 cows followed him on the way. The question is, will he... Revillame?

528. Sa panaginip ko, naglalaro tayo sa tabing dagat, bigla ka na lang tinangay ng malaking alon! Umiyak ako at sumigaw! "Loko kang alon ka ah! Ano bang akala mo sa kaibigan ko? Tae?!"

529. In a petshop, customer talking to a parrot, "Hoy! Can you speak ha? Can you speak? Bobo!" Parrot: "Yes, I can!! Ikaw? Can you fly, ha? Can you fly? Gago!"

530. Ito ang chain message na siguradong ipapasa mo: "Magkakaringworm sa pwet ang huling makakareceive nito." Sori na lang sa mga walang load!

531. Letter to OFW Dad: Love, thanks sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi yung toblerone, baon nya sa school. Yung Nike, suot na ni junior. Next time, huwag ka nang magpadala ng Nivea Milk. Hindi nila type, pait daw. Ako tuloy ang umubos.

532. Isang gabi, naglayas ako, naligaw sa mundo, nadapa, umiyak, naghabol, nasugatan, pero tumayo ulit. Galing noh? Isang gabi lang yun!

533. Girl: Maganda ba ako? Boy: Oo, kaya lang bumbayin ka. Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang bumbay ah. Tisay yata to! Boy: Tanga! Bumbayin ang amoy mo! Para kang shawarma.

534. Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo? Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako. =)

535. Fact 1: You cannot touch your lower lip with your tongue. Fact 2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it. =)

536. Masakit isiping di mo man lang ako maalalang i-text. Kunsabagay ganyan ka naman eh, don't text back, wag ka ng magpaliwanag dahil damang dama ko wala kang LOAD.

537. Kapag kulang ka raw, kapag kulang ka raw, sa sex, sa sex, nadodoble daw, nadodoble daw, paningin paningin mo mo, tama ba? tama ba?

538. ABS-CBN Report: Ang paglindol, ulan at pagtaas ng tubig ay hudyat ng pagbabawas ng unggoy. Worried ako sa iyo! Text mo ako kung nandiyan ka pa, ok?

539. BOY: Sir alam mo, kapag lumaki na ang anak mo, magaling ding driver. Sir: Paano mo naman nasabi ‘yon? BOY: E, sir, kamukha ng driver n’yo ang anak mo.

540. Bakit exciting ang text? Kasi sa text, cute ang panget! Puwedeng single ang married! Bida ang mga sinungaling! At sa text, bistado ang walang load!

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451. You may have someone in your heart and in your mind, you may have someone in your dreams and someone in your life but I am your someone when you have no one.

452. A real friend not only goes out with you anywhere you go but also remembers you no matter how busy they are, who takes their time to say, "Hi Friend"

453. I wish I was a tear in your eyes so that I can roll down on your cheeks, touch lips and die happy but if you were a tear in my eyes, I will try hard not to cry coz I'm afraid to lose you.

454. You told me you miss me, but you don't. You told me you care for me but you don't. You told me I'm special but I'm not. Then you told me the truth that you don't love me, I smiled and said, "I know."

455. Alone? I'll be your shadow. Afraid? Stay behind me. Wanna cry? Here's my shoulder. Need a hug? I'll embrace you tightly and say, "Whatever happens, you have me."

456. Why do I text you? It's my choice. It's my way of saying I remember you. Why do I remember you? It's my choice. It proves that I care. Why do I care? I don't know, it's not my choice but my heart's.

457. People like you are found only once in a lifetime. I want to be sure that I'm not going to spend that lifetime looking for another you! I'm happy I met you!

458. I want my eyes to be your eyes so you could see how wonderful you are, I want my heart to be your heart so you could feel how much you mean to me, and I want my ear to be your ear so you could hear me whisper "I love you."

459. We are like pencils, the best part in us is inside, we make marks as we touch other's lives. when we make mistakes, we can erase and we become better as we are sharpened.

460. In love, never put yourself on a situation where you're not sure where you stand in a person's life. Never assume, never expect, so that if they choose to drop you, you have enough strength to move on.

461. I love you so much but you said we're better off as friends. I cried but it didn't help much coz' you love someone new and because of her, you forgot that you once said you love me too. =(

462. Stay humble, be faithful, offer hope, work diligently, fight fairly, live simply, love deeply, give generously, they say, "Bwisit! Kaya ko ba toh?" :)

463. One night the moon said "If he makes you cry then why don't you leave him?" I paused for awhile then looked back at the moon and said "Moon, would you ever leave your sky?"

464. Love is not blind. It sees but it does not mind.

465. Question: Why do Dracula's neighbors hate him? Answer: Because he is a pain in the neck!

466. Are you curious as to where was Viagra originated from? For sure a Filipino coined the word “Viagra”. Just examine the root word.

467. Brand statements of new condoms: Swift condoms - Mighty meaty! Purefoods - Tender juicy! Barney's - A bite full of fun! Max's condoms- Sarap to the bones!

468. 7 days makes 1 week; 7 days of sex makes 1 weak; but no sex in a week makes 1 sick; however, good sex once a week makes 1 seek.

469. Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If not, please make all my friends fat. Amen!

470. How good are you in Math? 2/7 + 9- 5/ 4/ 8- 2/ 5- 4/ 12- 8/2. The question: Sa palagay mo, relatives si Fernando Jose at Fernando Poe?

471. How can a woman tell if she’s flat chested? She looks down on her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.

472. Sincere apology: If you do not like to read my SMS or don’t like to read or if my messages disturb you, then please don’t hesitate, feel free to throw your cellphone!

473. A Thai surnamed Mongkikimo commited suicide when his Pinay girlfriend Paquita wouldn’t marry him. The girl could not bear her family name “Paquita Mongkikimo”.

474. A true friend is like the shade of a great tree in the noonday heat. Para kang puno ng kampupot.

475. According to Science, man came from monkeys. I beg to disagree. Bakit ikaw, mukhang kabayo?!

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401. If you want to know how much God loves you, try to catch every single raindrop. The ones you catch is how much you love God and the ones you miss is how much God loves you.

402. Beautiful one liner... A lot of kneeling will keep us in good standing.

403. What if Belle never loved Beast? Ariel stayed a mermaid? Cinderella never forgot her slipper? Snow White never ate her apple? what if I never met you? Life is not a fairytale, but having you is worth more than any magic that Disney has to offer.

404. Unexpectedly, you came into my life. We started as strangers and doesn't even know that both of us exists. Now that I knew you, I have realized the beauty of expecting the "unexpected".

405. There was a time I fell in love with someone very special. I told myself that I'll never give up on that person, but one day, I did. Why? Finally, I realized, it's time to be kind to myself naman. Masakit eh!

406. God's like a coke, He is the real thing, like Lipovitan, He gets you going, like Metrobank, when you are with Him you are in good hands, and Dunkin Donut, sounds good and loves you even better.

407. You may not need me now, not today, not tomorrow, maybe not ever, but even if for just one moment you feel alone...please remember, I'm just here.

408. You never know who really cares for you until your whole world gets too dark. If you fall into pieces, look at your side, someone is there watching out for your hand, just take it, its mine!

409. If you could be a part of my body, I'll let you be my heart! For I want you to be the one who beats and to be the center of all my emotions and be the last one to stop when im gone.

410. I cried because I don't have a shoe until I saw a man without a feet. Sometimes, we're just too blind to appreciate the things which surround us.

411. I made a painting but it was left in black and white, until I found you. Now it's complete and full of colors. I call this painting of mine, "MY LIFE". Thanks for being part of it.

412. Life is so short to waste time for someone who's unworthy for your love. It's so sad when the right person will not be able to search for you coz you're too busy all your life making the wrong person right for you.

413. May your salty days be peppered with spicy love, may you bask in lemon sunshine, play on strawberry fields under a vanilla sky. Have a yummy morning! Good morning!

414. When life seems so tough, go on. When things go wrong, move on. Bear in mind that God gives you strength to persevere, not to surrender. Take care!

415. I sent my cares to the wind and ask the wind to pass them to you. When you feel the wind blowing against your face, that's me saying, "Alagaan mo ang sarili mo. Lalong lalo na kapag wala na ako sa piling mo."

416. Five reasons why I text you. You make me feel welcome (I assume). I make you smile (I suppose). You appreciate my thoughts (I hope). You spend time reading my message (I guess). You think I'm cute (I'm sure). =)

417. Friends are the best interpreters, coz even in silence, even when nothing is said and even if they don't know what has happened, they don't ask you questions. They just understand!

418. In my life, I learned to love, to smile, to be happy, to be strong, to work hard. But I did not learn how to forget a nice person like you!

419. Wake up! Exercise your faith. Do sit-up with prayer. Do push-up to release stress. Go! Jog to the Lord and send the good news! Good morning!

420. I'm just an ordinary friend na nakilala mo, madaling kalimutan, kasi, hindi naman ako ganun ka-special. But I want you to know, naging part ka ng life ko, ordinary pero full of memory!

421. Embrace a pillow of happy thoughts to create wonderful dreams, a blanket of care to keep you warm all night and a prayer to protect you till the dawn comes. Good night!

422. Don't think too much of the problems in life, they are just test papers given by God to see how much we are learning in His subject called "Life". If you think you failed, don't worry because He is always ready to give remedial classes. So, review through prayers and have the perfect score of "Happiness".

423. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are not nice, but because you are nice. =)

424. Easiest ways to die: 1. Have a cigar daily, you'll die 10 years early. 2. Have drinks daily, you'll die 30 years early. 3. Love someone you can't call your own, you'll die daily! =(

425. Before you sleep, just gently lay every troubled thought away. Drop your burden and your care in the quiet arms of prayer because God never sleeps. Good night! Sweet dreams.



426. If I'm an ant, pupunta ako sa arms mo, kakagatin kita as hard as I could. Syempre, papatayin mo ako! Then, as I draw my last breath, I'll whisper to your ears, "Sorry ha, nagpaparamdam lang."

427. The secret of being young and gorgeous? Sleep the right amount of rest. Go with the right crowd. Exercise. Eat the right food and be my friend!

428. A guy wanted to lose weight. He went to a diet center. It offered plan A or B. He took plan A. He was then taken to a room wherein a good looking naked girl with a "If you catch me, you can f*ck me!" sign was waiting for him. He never caught her but he lost 50 lbs! After 3 days, he decided to try plan B, thinking that it should be better. Excited, he quickly entered the room. A horse was in the room with a sign that says, "I will f*ck you if I catch you!" Waaaa!

429. Forget mo na lang na nagkakilala tayo ha! Tutal, wala ka namang paki, di ba? Mas mabuti pang magkalimutan na lang tayo. Sawa na rin ako. Pero bago tayo magkalimutan, pwede bang hintayin muna nating maubos ang tubig sa dagat?

430. Two wives shopping at market. Wife1: Mare, alam mo, tuwing makakakita ako ng patatas, naaalala ko ang itlog ng mister ko. Wife2: Oh, talaga? Bakit, ganyan kalaki? Wife1: Ano? Hindi noh, ganyan kadumi!

431. A girl newcomer in hell complained to Satan: "Ang daming cute guys dito, kaya lang, ang liliit ng bird." Satan: "Gaga! Kung malaki yan, eh di para ka ring nasa heaven!"

432. A woman gave birth to quadruplets. Upon seeing her husband, she got out of her hospital bed and slapped him shouting, "Kita mo ang epekto ng dog style!" =)

433. Nasa bangka ka, kasama mo ang syota mong two-timer at yung bestfriend mong backfighter nang biglang lumubog yung bangka. Anong una mong sasagipin, yung bangka o yung sagwan? =)

434. I believe that God created me to be your friend, He picked me out from all the rest coz He knows I'm the best! Ehem. Don't argue with God, bad yun!

435. Sabi nila, ang taong maingay, bolero sa text. Tahimik, makulit sa text. Two-timer, sweet sa text. Stick to one, matipid sa text. Pero ang mga cute, eto, patext-text!

436. Sa pag-aasawa daw ng tao, dapat nating tularan ang ibon na bago raw magpamilya, meron nang nakahandang pugad. Kaya kung ikaw ay mag-aasawa, huwag ka nang magpagawa ng bahay. Pugad na lang, mas mura pa! =)

437. Magandang gabi po. Magtatanong lang po. Totoo po ba po na ang mga cute daw po ay magagalang po?

438. Tatay: Anak, painumin mo ang kalabaw! Anak: Opo tay! Anak: Tay, ayaw uminom ng kalabaw eh! Tatay: Saan mo ba inilagay? Anak: Sa baso! Tatay: Sus! Katangang bata! Lagyan mo ng straw.

439. Baka gusto mong magparamdam? Kasi, nakakainis ka! Gabi na eh, kanina pa kita hinihintay, hindi ka pa nagpaparamdam. Anong klaseng aswang ka?! Hindi ka marunong manakot! Good night!

440. Ang tunay na cute, once in a lifetime lang magpapakita. Kaya kapag dumaan sa 'yo, aba! Tawagin mo! At sabihin mong, "kukote," saan ka pupunta? Dito ka muna, tabi tayo!

441. Alam mo friend, mahal na mahal kita. To the point na kapag nakita kong dinapuan ka ng lamok sa mukha, tatagain ko yung lamok! I swear! Malakas ka sa akin eh!

442. Minsan, mali tayo sa napili nating mahalin. Nasaktan sa maling pagmamahal, umiyak sa maling dahilan. At kung tatanungin mo ako? Wala akong alam dyan, kasi, kakagising ko lang. Good morning!

443. Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo? Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo? Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

444. Driver: Hoy, tambay! Aatras ko BMW ko ha, sabihan mo ako kung mabubunggo na! Tambay: Ok. Sige, atras... Atras pa! Sige, atras pa! Atras pa! BOG! Ok, bunggo na! =)

445. Ina: Anak, dumudugo ang daliri mo! Akina't sisipsipin ko, dali! Tsup! Tsup! Ayan, wala na. Saan ka ba nasugatan, anak? Anak: Wala po akong sugat, pinatay ko lang po ang garapata ni Brownie!

446. Naranasan mo na bang magmahal at masaktan dahil iniwan ka nya? Tapos, bigla kayong nagkita, nginitian ka at nasabi mo sa sarili mo, "Bakit ganun? Iisa na lang ang ngipin nya, gumagalaw pa kapag tumatawa?"

447. Gaano man kalalim ang ilog, dagat o karagatan, lagi mo sanang tatandaan, hanggang dibdib lang ng duck yan! =)

448. Bakit hindi lalake ang nanganganak? Eh paano mo nga naman palalabasin dun ang bata? Ano yun, parang toothpaste?

449. Masarap titigan ang taong mahal mo at isiping magkasama kayo. Masayang managinip, masayang mangarap, pero mas masaya sana kung habang tumititig ka, naghuhubad sya, di ba? hehehe

450. Define Agony: It's like a one-armed man hanging at the edge of a cliff by his only arm with his butt devastatingly itchy. Define Doom: Kinamot nya! =)

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401. If you want to know how much God loves you, try to catch every single raindrop. The ones you catch is how much you love God and the ones you miss is how much God loves you.

402. Beautiful one liner... A lot of kneeling will keep us in good standing.

403. What if Belle never loved Beast? Ariel stayed a mermaid? Cinderella never forgot her slipper? Snow White never ate her apple? what if I never met you? Life is not a fairytale, but having you is worth more than any magic that Disney has to offer.

404. Unexpectedly, you came into my life. We started as strangers and doesn't even know that both of us exists. Now that I knew you, I have realized the beauty of expecting the "unexpected".

405. There was a time I fell in love with someone very special. I told myself that I'll never give up on that person, but one day, I did. Why? Finally, I realized, it's time to be kind to myself naman. Masakit eh!

406. God's like a coke, He is the real thing, like Lipovitan, He gets you going, like Metrobank, when you are with Him you are in good hands, and Dunkin Donut, sounds good and loves you even better.

407. You may not need me now, not today, not tomorrow, maybe not ever, but even if for just one moment you feel alone...please remember, I'm just here.

408. You never know who really cares for you until your whole world gets too dark. If you fall into pieces, look at your side, someone is there watching out for your hand, just take it, its mine!

409. If you could be a part of my body, I'll let you be my heart! For I want you to be the one who beats and to be the center of all my emotions and be the last one to stop when im gone.

410. I cried because I don't have a shoe until I saw a man without a feet. Sometimes, we're just too blind to appreciate the things which surround us.

411. I made a painting but it was left in black and white, until I found you. Now it's complete and full of colors. I call this painting of mine, "MY LIFE". Thanks for being part of it.

412. Life is so short to waste time for someone who's unworthy for your love. It's so sad when the right person will not be able to search for you coz you're too busy all your life making the wrong person right for you.

413. May your salty days be peppered with spicy love, may you bask in lemon sunshine, play on strawberry fields under a vanilla sky. Have a yummy morning! Good morning!

414. When life seems so tough, go on. When things go wrong, move on. Bear in mind that God gives you strength to persevere, not to surrender. Take care!

415. I sent my cares to the wind and ask the wind to pass them to you. When you feel the wind blowing against your face, that's me saying, "Alagaan mo ang sarili mo. Lalong lalo na kapag wala na ako sa piling mo."

416. Five reasons why I text you. You make me feel welcome (I assume). I make you smile (I suppose). You appreciate my thoughts (I hope). You spend time reading my message (I guess). You think I'm cute (I'm sure). =)

417. Friends are the best interpreters, coz even in silence, even when nothing is said and even if they don't know what has happened, they don't ask you questions. They just understand!

418. In my life, I learned to love, to smile, to be happy, to be strong, to work hard. But I did not learn how to forget a nice person like you!

419. Wake up! Exercise your faith. Do sit-up with prayer. Do push-up to release stress. Go! Jog to the Lord and send the good news! Good morning!

420. I'm just an ordinary friend na nakilala mo, madaling kalimutan, kasi, hindi naman ako ganun ka-special. But I want you to know, naging part ka ng life ko, ordinary pero full of memory!

421. Embrace a pillow of happy thoughts to create wonderful dreams, a blanket of care to keep you warm all night and a prayer to protect you till the dawn comes. Good night!

422. Don't think too much of the problems in life, they are just test papers given by God to see how much we are learning in His subject called "Life". If you think you failed, don't worry because He is always ready to give remedial classes. So, review through prayers and have the perfect score of "Happiness".

423. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are not nice, but because you are nice. =)

424. Easiest ways to die: 1. Have a cigar daily, you'll die 10 years early. 2. Have drinks daily, you'll die 30 years early. 3. Love someone you can't call your own, you'll die daily! =(

425. Before you sleep, just gently lay every troubled thought away. Drop your burden and your care in the quiet arms of prayer because God never sleeps. Good night! Sweet dreams.



426. If I'm an ant, pupunta ako sa arms mo, kakagatin kita as hard as I could. Syempre, papatayin mo ako! Then, as I draw my last breath, I'll whisper to your ears, "Sorry ha, nagpaparamdam lang."

427. The secret of being young and gorgeous? Sleep the right amount of rest. Go with the right crowd. Exercise. Eat the right food and be my friend!

428. A guy wanted to lose weight. He went to a diet center. It offered plan A or B. He took plan A. He was then taken to a room wherein a good looking naked girl with a "If you catch me, you can f*ck me!" sign was waiting for him. He never caught her but he lost 50 lbs! After 3 days, he decided to try plan B, thinking that it should be better. Excited, he quickly entered the room. A horse was in the room with a sign that says, "I will f*ck you if I catch you!" Waaaa!

429. Forget mo na lang na nagkakilala tayo ha! Tutal, wala ka namang paki, di ba? Mas mabuti pang magkalimutan na lang tayo. Sawa na rin ako. Pero bago tayo magkalimutan, pwede bang hintayin muna nating maubos ang tubig sa dagat?

430. Two wives shopping at market. Wife1: Mare, alam mo, tuwing makakakita ako ng patatas, naaalala ko ang itlog ng mister ko. Wife2: Oh, talaga? Bakit, ganyan kalaki? Wife1: Ano? Hindi noh, ganyan kadumi!

431. A girl newcomer in hell complained to Satan: "Ang daming cute guys dito, kaya lang, ang liliit ng bird." Satan: "Gaga! Kung malaki yan, eh di para ka ring nasa heaven!"

432. A woman gave birth to quadruplets. Upon seeing her husband, she got out of her hospital bed and slapped him shouting, "Kita mo ang epekto ng dog style!" =)

433. Nasa bangka ka, kasama mo ang syota mong two-timer at yung bestfriend mong backfighter nang biglang lumubog yung bangka. Anong una mong sasagipin, yung bangka o yung sagwan? =)

434. I believe that God created me to be your friend, He picked me out from all the rest coz He knows I'm the best! Ehem. Don't argue with God, bad yun!

435. Sabi nila, ang taong maingay, bolero sa text. Tahimik, makulit sa text. Two-timer, sweet sa text. Stick to one, matipid sa text. Pero ang mga cute, eto, patext-text!

436. Sa pag-aasawa daw ng tao, dapat nating tularan ang ibon na bago raw magpamilya, meron nang nakahandang pugad. Kaya kung ikaw ay mag-aasawa, huwag ka nang magpagawa ng bahay. Pugad na lang, mas mura pa! =)

437. Magandang gabi po. Magtatanong lang po. Totoo po ba po na ang mga cute daw po ay magagalang po?

438. Tatay: Anak, painumin mo ang kalabaw! Anak: Opo tay! Anak: Tay, ayaw uminom ng kalabaw eh! Tatay: Saan mo ba inilagay? Anak: Sa baso! Tatay: Sus! Katangang bata! Lagyan mo ng straw.

439. Baka gusto mong magparamdam? Kasi, nakakainis ka! Gabi na eh, kanina pa kita hinihintay, hindi ka pa nagpaparamdam. Anong klaseng aswang ka?! Hindi ka marunong manakot! Good night!

440. Ang tunay na cute, once in a lifetime lang magpapakita. Kaya kapag dumaan sa 'yo, aba! Tawagin mo! At sabihin mong, "kukote," saan ka pupunta? Dito ka muna, tabi tayo!

441. Alam mo friend, mahal na mahal kita. To the point na kapag nakita kong dinapuan ka ng lamok sa mukha, tatagain ko yung lamok! I swear! Malakas ka sa akin eh!

442. Minsan, mali tayo sa napili nating mahalin. Nasaktan sa maling pagmamahal, umiyak sa maling dahilan. At kung tatanungin mo ako? Wala akong alam dyan, kasi, kakagising ko lang. Good morning!

443. Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo? Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo? Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

444. Driver: Hoy, tambay! Aatras ko BMW ko ha, sabihan mo ako kung mabubunggo na! Tambay: Ok. Sige, atras... Atras pa! Sige, atras pa! Atras pa! BOG! Ok, bunggo na! =)

445. Ina: Anak, dumudugo ang daliri mo! Akina't sisipsipin ko, dali! Tsup! Tsup! Ayan, wala na. Saan ka ba nasugatan, anak? Anak: Wala po akong sugat, pinatay ko lang po ang garapata ni Brownie!

446. Naranasan mo na bang magmahal at masaktan dahil iniwan ka nya? Tapos, bigla kayong nagkita, nginitian ka at nasabi mo sa sarili mo, "Bakit ganun? Iisa na lang ang ngipin nya, gumagalaw pa kapag tumatawa?"

447. Gaano man kalalim ang ilog, dagat o karagatan, lagi mo sanang tatandaan, hanggang dibdib lang ng duck yan! =)

448. Bakit hindi lalake ang nanganganak? Eh paano mo nga naman palalabasin dun ang bata? Ano yun, parang toothpaste?

449. Masarap titigan ang taong mahal mo at isiping magkasama kayo. Masayang managinip, masayang mangarap, pero mas masaya sana kung habang tumititig ka, naghuhubad sya, di ba? hehehe

450. Define Agony: It's like a one-armed man hanging at the edge of a cliff by his only arm with his butt devastatingly itchy. Define Doom: Kinamot nya! =)

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351. It's hard to trust and it's hard to cry. It's hard to love and later say goodbye... but it's much harder to say no, but that is life's way of making our hearts grow.

352. You are the one person in this world that I would never trade with anyone else. You've given me memories so unique in you and what else?! Guess they'll never understand unless they get the chance to get to know you.

353. Deep friendship doesn't depend on how many times friends spend time together or how happy they are. It's the time when you never see them and yet keep on believing that the friendship will stay.

354. Having been committed to love someone means losing the opportunity of having others love you. So, be sure that the person you're committed to deserves your love and is worthy of your sacrifice.

355. Love isn't about two people holding each other and never letting go. It's about two people holding hands while they embrace the world and go through the best and worst in life.

356. Life is a one-way street. No matter how many detours you take, none of them leads back. So, enjoy its every moment as none of them will happen the same way again.

357. If ever you'll find someone who makes you smile through storms, comfort you till sun down, face the fact. Keep and never let go of that person. There's no right one when the real one comes along.

358. When the time comes when everything seems hopeless, here's what you do: SHUT UP & STOP WHINING sheesh! You've got me. Remember?!

359. No quote can tell you what's inside my heart, they just express what I feel, but never enough, so when I say "I care for you" huwag ka maniwala, 'coz what I feel is more than what I say.

360. I wonder why just when i learned to wait, it was when you never came. I wonder just when I learned to laugh, you made me cry. And just when I've learned to love you so much, it was when you walk away.

361. No one is born happy but all of us are born with the ability to create happiness. Just remember, happiness is a state of mind and it depends on one's attitude towards life. :)

362. When trials come we tend to ask, LORD, WHY ME? But blessings pour on us each day and we never ask LORD, WHY ME? Let's learn to say, THANK GOD IT'S ME!

363. Life's pretty simple. When you're asking for apples and life hands you lemons, make lemonade. If you're on your way out and it starts to rain, at least you won't have to water the plants anymore. It's a matter of seeing things in perspective. The benefits may not be immediate nor obvious, but you have to know this for sure: God will never give you anything you can't handle.

364. Happiness is somewhere between too little and too much. May you have just enough wealth to meet your needs, enough poverty to learn to work hard, enough blessings to know that God loves you, enough problems so you don't forget Him. Enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough hope to keep you happy, and enough sorrow to keep you human. =)

365. Whatever gives you laughter, do it more often coz it will bring lightness to your heart, energy to your body, and wonders to your soul. ALways be happy! =)

366. The true meaning of GLOBALIZATION: Princess Diana, a Welsh princess, with an English husband, crashed in a French tunnel while riding in a German car with a Dutch engine driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, chased by Italian paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines. This message was created by a Filipino on a Finnish celphone smuggled from China by a Pakistani and sold by an Indian businessman. =)

367. To Whom It May Concern: Please be notified that the most beautiful creation of God is preparing to sleep... Send your greetings now while she's still awake. Good night! :)

368. If life is a band showdown, I would be your bandmate. I would strum, hit the drums, or maybe even sing for you! Why? Coz it's just fun to do it for someone who makes my gig worth playing. =)

369. Ever wonder why the sun LIGHTENS our hair, but DARKENS our skin? Why is it that to STOP Windows 98, you have to click START? Why is 'ABBREVIATED' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do PRACTICE? Why is the man who invests all your money called BROKER?

370. People continue to get their goals inspite of pain, tears, heartbreaks, because pain made them strong, tears made them brave, heartbreak made them wise.

371. Never say you're happy when you're really sad. Never say you're fine when you're not ok. Never say you feel good when you feel bad and never say you're alone when you still have me.

372. Whenever I make your phone beep, I know that at one part you've uttered "Ikaw lang pala." and I couldn't blame you for that. But at anytime, I just want you to know that this "lang" cares for you so much.

373. Don't take for granted every person close to your heart, coz you might wake up one day and realize that you have lost a diamond coz you were too busy searching and collecting stones.

374. When I was walking alone, I wished that I can reach the end of the road. But when you walked with me, I wish the road would never end because I would rather be lost with you than to reach the end without you.

375. Walk with me when you feel your heart needs company. Take my hand when you feel all alone. Turn to me when you need someone to lean on coz I'm a friend you can always depend on.

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271. Whenever you want to know how rich you are, don't count your money. Just drop tears from your eyes and look around the number of hands that reach out to wipe your tears.

272. It's really hard to wait for the right person in your life especially when the wrong ones are so cute!

273. What if you love the wrong person? Are you going to give up or hold on? Maybe you need to do nothing, just continue loving. Who knows? Maybe that love might be enough to make that person the right one.

274. I can never say how my life would go and how long I'd stay alive. All I know is that even we're miles apart, you'd always be one of the sweetest piece of puzzle completing my life.

275. Masarap magmahal kung ikaw lang ang mahal nya. Masarap magmahal kung talagang seryoso sya. Pero wala nang mas sasarap pa kung sasabihin nya, "Alam mo, kuntento na ko sayo..."

276. I may not be there when you need me, but a part of me laughs when you're happy and cries when you're sad, the other part stays strong to pray for you. That's the best thing a far friend can do.

277. Mahirap idaan sa walang kibo. Mahirap idaan sa walang salita. Mahirap idaan sa pag-iyak. Kung mahal mo sya, bakit di mo sabihin sa kanya? Malay mo? Malay ko din! :)

278. The moment you found someone that makes your heart beat, stop the search and take the risk. Remember that the world is a big place that if you lost the one you love, you have to search the world again.

279. Hindi mo raw agad malalamang mahal mo na ang isang tao, madalas kasi bulag ka sa totoo at akala mo iba ang gusto mo. Pero sa huli, mararamdaman mong mahal mo na pala sya, kapag nalaman mong... iba na ang mahal niya.

280. I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

281. Come here. Take off your pants and get on top of me. Enjoy me until you're totally satisfied. Lovingly yours, Toilet!!!!

282. Mirror Mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all? The mirror laughed and then it spat. "It sure ain't you. You ugly prat!"

283. Tell me. Is it going in? Yeah! Is it hurting? Ooh yeah, Ouch! it's hurting! Ok, I will put it in slowly. Still hurting? Ahh yeah. Then let's try the other shoe, madam.

284. When I look at the sun, I see you! When I look at the moon, I see you! When I look at the sea, I see you. Well, get out of my way!

285. It goes in dry, it comes out wet. The longer it's in, the stronger it gets. We can have it in bed, just you and me. It's not what you think, it's a cup of tea!



286. Last night, I wanted you. I needed you so badly that it hurts. I wanted to taste you. I wanted you in me so you could work your magic on me, but I couldn't find you. You stupid.. paracetamol!

287. I only have *ex on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

288. There are many things about tomorrow I don't understand, but I know who holds tomorrow and I know He holds our hands. To Him I pray that He’d hold yours tighter and always let your days be brighter.

289. Friendship is like a song that after we hear it, we still hum the melody as we live through life. You're my song that never runs out of tune in my heart.

290. Life is unpredictable. You may not live long and miss out telling your friends that they're appreciated. So I'm telling you now that life won't be the same without you as one of my friends.

291. I've tried the water company, the electric company, the telephone company, but what I miss most is your company. Take care!

292. At times you may not find me, but in my heart, you will always be found. If time never stands still, I will never leave your side, it may be hard for me, but I will still hang in here for you.

293. Don’t love the person that you think is right. Instead love the person you think is true. It’s easier to think what is right than to see what is true.

294. There are eight ways to describe you… jolly, optimist, kyut, exotic, lovable, attractive, nice, gorgeous! In short J-O-K-E L-A-N-G!

295. You are my funny, understanding, cute, kind, intelligent, naughty, God-fearing, sweet, honest, independent, truthful friend. In short, you are my f.u.c.k.i.n.g.s.h.i.t. friend!

296. Sa magkakaibigan, dapat nagtutulungan. Kapag nadapa ka, tutulungan kita! Kapag nadapa ka ulit, itatayo kita at kapag nadapa ka na naman, sisipain na kita! Langya! Kinarir mo nah, lampa!

297. Q: What’s the difference between bathing suits before and now? A: Before, you have to open the suit to see the butt. Now, you have to open the butt to see the suit!

298. In the desert, man trying to rape a camel, but he was kicked. Then he saw a beautiful lady asking for water. "As payment you can do anything you want." Man said, "Could you hold the feet of the camel?"

299. Si miss, first time nagpa-physical check-up. DOC: O iha, huwag kang mahiya sa akin, hubarin mo na damit mo para maumpisahan ko na ang physical check up mo. MISS: umhh… si dok naman.. sige na nga, pero kayo muna.

300. Naglalakad, nagtetext, nasagasaan, patay. Kumakain, nagtetext, nabilaukan, patay. Nagdadrive, nagtetext, nabangga, patay. May cellphone, walang nagtetext, nagpakamatay.

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301. Be a person full of love and life, stay simple yet happy. When things go wrong, don't go blue, just say, "I will get thru." And always remember, God loves you. Take care!

302. A smile is a language even a baby can understand, it costs nothing, but it credits much. It happens in a flash but the memory of it may forever last. Keep smiling.

303. Good friends are those who care without hesitation, who remembers without limitation, and who remains the same even text lang ang communication.

304. Hope you wake up today with sunlight in your heart, success in your path, answers to your prayers and smile that will always be there in your eyes. Good morning!

305. God created mornings so that we can say how great the previous day has been, and how wonderful the next 24 hours would be. Let God rule you today! Good morning!

306. When God opened the window, He saw me and asked, "What is your wish for today?" I said, "Lord, just take care of the person who's reading this message right now." Good afternoon!

307. God set a place for you in his heart and not in the world because the world is temporary but in God's heart, you are favored and blessed forever. Good morning! Take care!

308. If you lose something, you lose it for a reason. That reason might be hard to understand, but whatever it is, you just have to believe that God takes away when He has something better to give.

309. When you feel tired and alone, just tell me. Eventhough my hands can't hold you, my feet may not be able to run to you, my voice may not reach you, but my knees are always here to pray for you.

310. It is better to cry than to be angry, because anger hurts others while tears flow silently thru the soul and cleanses the heart.

311. No man is worth a woman's tears. And the one who is, will never make her cry.

312. You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

313. The human mind is very complex, it plays with the emotion resulting to confusion, and sometimes, madness. The former I can take, but the latter, I am not sure. Nevermind. Good night!

314. A man with a knife came to me and asked, "Would you die for your friends?" Hindi nya lang alam, may gun ako kaya I shot him saying: "No, I'd kill for them." Kaya nyo yun? =)

315. Galileo: great mind. Einstein: genius mind. Newton: extra-ordinary mind. Bill Gates: brilliant mind. You and me: never mind! As long as we are friends, I don't mind!

316. Last night, I couldn't sleep. I wanted you warm against my skin. I wanted you on me. I wanted to feel you all over my body. But i couldn't find you! Where did I put my pyjamas?

317. Life is so short for drama and petty problems; so kiss slowly, laugh insanely and forgive quickly. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

318. Never regret the choices you've made, always be satisfied with what you have now. Life isn't perfect. It's a blend of joy and sorrow, it's just a matter of how you deal with it.

319. Sometimes we wish we were small, wish we were somewhere, wish we had something. But sometimes we wish too much that we miss to enjoy who we are, where we are and what we have.

320. To be kind is more important than to be right. Sometimes all a person need is not a brilliant mind that speaks but a patient heart that listens.

321. Each of us has a star that shines with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone, but when you feel you're about to lose your own spark, I'm here to share my glow.

322. I may be gone for a minute, second, hours and for a day, but I will always be here for you. I might not be able to greet you "gud am", "gud pm" or "gudnyt", but I will never say goodbye!

323. I'd like to wrap my arms around you, squeeze you till your eyes pop out and all your bones break and your face turns blue. That's my hug for you, not sweet but breath taking naman, good morning!

324. In times of trouble, or when you feel that no one cares for you, don't forget that whenever a tear falls from your eyes, two tears fall from mine, that's how much I care.

325. Ikaw ang bagoong sa kare-kare kong buhay, ang sampalok sa sinigang kong buhay, at suka sa paksiw kong buhay, kung ika'y mawawala, buhay ko'y tatabang!



326. Sometimes, caring is better than loving. Sometimes, tea is better than coffee. Sometimes, smile is better than laughter, but nobody is better than you, finding time to text me.

327. Boy: Nay! Muntik na akong maging top 1 sa klase! Nanay: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan? Boy: Iniannounce kasi kanina yung top 1 sa klase, ang itinuro ni Ma'am, yung katabi ko! Muntik na ako!

328. Eh busy? Eh busy D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. Galing noh? Want to? Want to 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Galing talaga!

329. It's you who gave me sleepless nights. It's you who made me wanna hold my pillow tight. It's you who made me pray so hard. It's you who made me scream: "Nay, may mumu!"

330. Boy: Can I touch your software? Girl: Show me first your hardware. Boy: Can I install it in your system? Girl: Ok, if you cover it with anti-virus first. =)

331. Paano kung masaya ka na sa kasalukuyan, tapos, isang araw, binalikan ka ng nakaraan. Alin ang iiwan mo? Yung ngayon na unggoy ka na? O yung una na mukhang dinosaur ka pa? Hehe!

332. An alcoholic son wrote a letter... Beer dad, Gin na ako iinom ulit, Whisky kelan. Tanduay mo yan, tiTequilan ko na talaga, pRhumis po! Your San, Miguel.

333. People are always looking for cute ones, the perfect ones, the gorgeous ones, the smart ones, the sweet ones. Lagi na lang ako! Ako! Ako!

334. Love is like a can of tuna. Know why? Kasi, ang love, kapag nagstart, gagawin mo lahat mapasaiyo lang ang taong mahal mo. Yung can of tuna, wala yun, kalimutan mo na lang yun!

335. Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po. Alalahanin n’yo na palaging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya! Mamang driver: e, kaya ko nga binibilisan para ‘di tayo maabutan!

336. Q: Ano ang pagkakatulad ni Winnie the Pooh at John the Baptist? A: iisa ang ina nila. Kita mo, iisa ang middle name nila?!

337. Essence of smell in life: Lotion for babies, cologne for the 20's, perfume for the 30's, efficacent oil for the 40's and 50's. Bawang and luya for the 60's. Beyond that, formalin na!

338. Love is unfair, kapag mahal mo, ayaw sayo. Yung ayaw mo, mahal ka. Pero mas unfair sa part ng okra. Kawawa naman sya, kasi di sya kasama sa "Bahay Kubo." Gulay din naman sya, di ba?

339. When you're sad, I'm lonely. When you're happy, I'm glad. Remember that whatever you feel, i feel it twice, so kung feel mo cute ka, Hello?! eh di lalo na ako!! :)

340. Erap: Sumuko na kayo! MILF: Hindi kami susuko kapag hindi mo naispell ang ceasefire! Erap: Sige, T*ngna nyo! Tuloy ang gyera!

341. Boss: (galit) Ang gusto ko sa secretary ay listo at hindi absent minded. Napahiya ako sa meeting ko dahil sa kagagawan mo! Secretary: Sorry po sir, hindi ko naisara ang zipper nyo!

342. Siguro, minsan kailangang madapa. Bakit? Wala lang, para agaw eksena lang. Hehe!

343. Peaceful morning as you wake up. Take a bath, eat breakfast, brush teeth, comb your hair, leave the house, take a ride. Aaayy! Wala ka pa palang damit! Balik! Balik! =)

344. Always remember, whe she cancels a date, it is because she "has to." But when he cancels a date, it is because he "has two!" Hahaha!

345. Love is a hidden fire, a pleasant sore, a soothing pain, an agreeable torment, a sweet wound, in short, a gentle death! Ang lalim! Dati, love is blind lang!

346. Juan: Pedro, nasaksak ako! Walang hinto ang tagas ng dugo. Please, call me a nurse. Call me a nurse, bilis! Pedro: Sige, you're a nurse! Nurse ka Juan! You're a nurse! Nurse kah!

347. Mga tisoy at tisay, mga gwapo at magaganda, mga muse at escort, mga cute, mga crush ng bayan, ang "leader" nyo ay matutulog na! Hehehe! Ang magreact, insecure! Good night! =)

348. Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're? Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko. Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo? Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban! =)

349. Naguguluhan ako. Di ba, yung Victory Liner, Pascual Liner, Alfonso Liner at G Liner, mga bus yun? Yung Panty Liner, bus din ba yun? Saan naman ang byahe nila?

350. Kapag mahal mo ang isang tao, pakawalan mo sya, at kapag bumalik sya, kayo talaga para sa isa't isa. Pero kung hindi na sya bumalik, tanga! Habulin mo, naniwala ka naman sa quotes! =)

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171. Happiness cannot be found at the end of the road. It is experienced along the way. Take not for granted each moment of your life and find reasons to be happy each day.

172. What if you need a friend and there are hundred steps between us? You can take the first step to get near me and I will take all 99 steps to be there for you.

173. Don't focus on what you lost but what remains. Don't focus on the pain but how the pain shaped you. Don't focus on the failure but on the great lessons the failure taught you.

174. To have a happy life, you gotta dance like no one's watching, dream like you'll live forever, live like you're gonna die tomorrow and love like it's never gonna hurt.

175. Success in life can never be an accident, it's the result of right decisions at the right time. Champions are not people who never fail but people who never quit.

176. Sometimes, you just can't take things back to the way they used to be, no matter how you try, regardless of how sorry you are. Because in life, there are no rewinds, only plays, so, play it right.

177. Here's something to ponder on: Never let someone be your priority, while allowing yourself to be just their option.

178: Love isn't about luxurious things in the world. It isn't about driving a BMW, nor living in New York. Love is about that someday, you two will be able to reach your dreams, helping out each other. Love is about trust, even if everything falters. Love is about giving without expecting anything. Love is about sharing happiness and pain as well. Love is about accepting that person even if others can't. Love is about holding on, even if all else fail.

179. Some friends forget, some move away, some keep silent. Some just change. But I'm not one of them, I'm just here, minsan, busy nga lang. Pero never kitang nakalimutan! =)

180. Often, we get impatient and take things into our own hands, but God said, "Be quiet, trust me, I know your needs better than you do. Just wait and give me a chance to work."

181. There is no such thing as a bad day, only bad moments that people choose to nurse all day. Think happy moments and create a happy day and a happy you! Smile always.

182. If one star will fall everytime I miss you, all stars will be out of the sky now. So, if ever there be no more stars tonight, it's all your fault, you make me miss you so much.

183. Great minds contain ideas, solutions and reasons; scientific minds contain formulas, theories and figures; my mind contains only you. :)

184. If someone would ask me what a beautiful life means, I would lean my head on your shoulder and hold you close to me and answer with a smile: "Like this!" :)

185. If you could choose between life and death you would almost rather die, love is fun but hurts so much the price you pay is high. And so I say don't fall in love, you will get hurt before you're through. You see my friend, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.

186. You brighten my day, hindi ka naman araw. You light up my life, hindi ka naman ilaw. You make me smile, hindi ka naman bulalakaw. You warm my heart, hindi ka naman sabaw. FRIEND kita, yan malinaw!

187. I want you to know that our friendship means a lot to me... you cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you jump off the window, I ain't jump. Instead, I'll catch you with my arms and hug you tight!

188. When the time comes I can't smile anymore, don't worry about me, I know what to do. I'll just stare at one corner and think of you. No one else could make me happy like the way you do.

189. In my dreams you gave me your heart. In my dreams we were never apart. In my dreams you kept me close. In my dreams you loved me the most. In my dreams we're always together... might as well be dreaming forever...

190. If I get takot, would you hawak me tight? If I gawa something mali, would you make it right? If I build an apoy, would you bantay the flame? If I sabi I miss you, would you ramdam the same?

191. Days can be so tough and at times cruel, too much for one to be alone, when you feel that you can't hold on any longer, I'll take your hand and we'll go thru with it together. I'll be here and that's forever.

192. Why do I miss you? Because you make me smile. You are so kind. You are so sweet. You are funny. And most of all, because you are not texting me anymore. That's why.

193. Ako? Ako yung "nothing", as in, nothing para sa 'yo, kasi, alam ko na meron ka nang "your everything." Pero sana, alam mo na kapag nawala si "everything", dyan lang si "nothing" to give you "everything."

194. Nagkamali ka na ba sa isang taong akala mo kaibigan mo lang? Na kapag nakuha ng iba, balewala lang, kaso, nung nawala na sya, nasabi mo na lang, "Tanga ko, mahal ko pala sya!"

195. Ayoko sana ikaw itext, kasi, gusto kong mamiss mo rin ako at maisip mo na mahalaga rin ako sa 'yo. Yun nga lang, sensya na, hindi ako kasing tibay mo, na masaya kahit wala ako.



196. Sabi nila, minsan, sa buhay natin, kailangan kang mamili kung yung taong mahal mo o mahal ka! Hello?! Hindi na uso yun ngayon, ang tanong, "Yummy ba sya?" =)

197. You are texting while walking... Daan bike-ilag, daan aso-ilag, daan kotse-ilag, daan trak-ilag, daan si "kukote". Stop! Gosh, sino yun? Naman! So cute!

198. Kapag naloko ka, huwag kang iiyak. Kapag iniwan ka, huwag kang hahabol. Kapag sinaktan ka, huwag kang magmamakaawa. Instead, be proud and say, "Yes! available na ako!"

199. Madaling sabihin na mahal mo ang isang tao kahit hindi naman totoo. Simpleng "I love you" tapos send ng quotes. Pero merong mahirap... ang kumain ng saging na kasinglaki nina B1 at B2.

200. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagseselos ako kapag may ibang nagpapangiti at nagpapasaya sa 'yo. Hindi naman siguro sa makasarili ako kundi natatakot lang ako na sa sobrang kasiyahan mo, lumobo ang sipon mo!

201. May nakadinner date ako. May kulangot near her lips. Sinabihan ko na lang na "may kanin near your lips." Dinilaan nya at sabi, "Ikaw talaga, hindi naman kanin eh, ulam!"

202. When everything seems unfair, when all that you do is not appreciated, I'll go with you, wipe your tears, take you for a walk and tell you, "Ito ang lollipop, tahan na, hindi natin sila bati."

203. Pratatatat! Kaboom! Kablaaam! Weewee! Wangwang! Pratatatat! Sugod mga cute! Itext ang mga pangit! Yes sir! Ito, tinext ko na yung isa, lider ata nila.

204. Ang pagkakaibigan ay parang bulate sa puwet, hindi mo nakikita pero nadarama mo yung kiliti nito. Salamat ha, kasi, isa kang bulate sa pwet ko, ang kati mo dude!

205. Mawala man ako sa 'yo, maraming darating, higit pa sa akin. Pero kung talagang nakalaan na ako para maging kaibigan mo, babalik ako ilang ulit man akong kuhanin ng ABS-CBN at GMA.

206. For toothpaste ad, they show the teeth. For shampoo ad, they show the hair. For facial soap, they show the face. Pero bakit sa Whisper napkin, walang showing? Unfair naman! =)

207. Bakit bad trip ang pinya kapag umaga? Marami kasi syang aalising muta! Wahaha! Bukas, bad trip na naman yun. Hehehe.

208. Gusto mong malaman ang wish ko? Sana, isang araw, paggising ko sa umaga, ikaw ang una kong makita, nakangiti sa akin, habang ibinubulong mo sa akin, "Señorito, ito na po ang kape nyo. May ipag-uutos pa ba kayo?!" =)

209. Kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon na ito, kanino ka mas higit na hahanga? Sa taong iniwan ang lahat para sa minamahal nya, o sa pusang naghaharlem? =)

210. "niM6l62 62 Y0aanU an62l Y6M" This is a Da Vinci Code! To decode, read it in front of a mirror. Pass it on to your friends to show how you love them. =)

211. Ang buhay ay mahirap, puno ng lumbay at pagsubok, pero kapag ikaw ay nadapa, bumangon ka at buong tapang mong sabihin, "Sino gang tumulak sa akin? Parang tanga eh!"

212. Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir. Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa! Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan?

213. I chose you as my friend because you are thoughtful, sweet, loving, caring, understanding, charming, demanding, daring, kambing, bonjing, uling, saging, matsing, duling at may kuliling! hehehe.

214. A lizard fell on a table. Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae; Kikay: Eew, lizard!; Astig: Shit, butiki!; Mataray: Shucks, butiks!; Mayaman: Yuck! La coste!; Mahirap: Pare, ulam!

215. Ang buhay ay parang prutas, dahil sa usok nagmula ang alikabok na hindi maabot ng pilay. Tandaan na ang pag-ibig ay hindi napupulot sa kalderong mainit. Hindi mo gets? Good evening na lang!

216. Husband: Mahal, kung hindi ako makaligtas sa operasyong ito, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa mga bata. I love you all! Wife: Tumigil ka! Wala pang namatay sa tuli!

217. Sabi, parang paru-paro daw ang tao, sa umpisa daw, mga uod muna tayo, walang ganda. Pero darating ang panahon na magiging ganap na ang kagandahan. Teka, ang tagal mo nang uod ah? =)

218. Ang mga boys, hindi dapat pinaglalaruan, hindi rin niloloko. Kasi, ang mga yan, sobrang magmahal, sobrang masaktan. Iiyak-iyak lang sa sulok, pero kapag yan, gumanti! Loko! Nambubuntis yan! =)

219. Kumusta? May nagtext na ba sa iyo na hindi mo kilala? Baka kasi friend ko yun! Kinuha kasi ang number mo sa akin. Sensya na, ibinigay ko. Mabait naman yun eh, naghahanap daw kasi sya ng aakyat ng niyog... pwede ka ba?

220. One day, a fairy appeared and asked me, "Which would you wish to have, looks or brains?" I told her, "penge na lang pong pera, meron na ako pareho eh!" =)

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221. It could take a thousand workers to build a castle, a million soldiers to protect its country, but it only takes one man to build a happy home.

222. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

223. Hearts are easily torn but can also be sewn together by someone who cares. Though the scars won't fade, the stitches will always be there to remind you that someone loves you enough to keep you whole again.

224. Can I keep you and never let you go? Can I hold your hand and hug you tight? Can I tell the world how lucky I am to have you in my life? Or simply, can you be my friend for the rest of my life?

225. When you find faults from someone you love, hold on, don't judge nor doubt but trust and understand that someone is doing best to love you more. Remember, love has nothing to explain.

226. I've always wanted to be free, to fly away and never return... but then, somewhere beyond that, I wish to be owned, to be held, and never be let go.

227. Day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel to be always together yet forever apart?

228. "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with the problems longer." - Albert Einstein.

229. Every morning, please leave your worries outside your gate's doorstep, because that is where they pick-up the garbage. May all your days be worry-free. God bless!

230. Maybe today, you got hurt, cried, troubled, angry or just plain bored. Whatever it was, remember that tomorrow is another day and today will surely pass. Good night!

231. 50 years from now, I'd be so old, I might forget you. I might not remember ever knowing you, or might forget I once cared for you. I might... But I won't.

232. I'll lend you my shoulder for you to cry on, my ears to listen to, my hand for you to hold, my feet to walk with you, but I can't lend you my heart coz it already belongs to you.

233. Falling in love with you is the second best thing in the world... Finding you is the first!

234. How would you know if he really loves you? It's when you scream, he's calm. When you slap him, he kisses you. When you cry, he hugs you. When you tell him you hate him, he tells you he loves you!

235. There are tulips in my garden, there are tulips in the park, but nothing is more beautiful than our two lips meeting in the dark!

236. People seldom say 'I love you' and when they do, it's either too late or the love is gone. But when I say 'I love you' it doesn't mean you have to stay, but I wish you'd never go away.

237. The best part of loving is not wishing that the person loves you as much as you do, but in the feeling that you love the person for more than you thought you could.

238. To love someone is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you ang give you joy and strength, but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

239. It is really painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go, but it is even more painful to ask the person to stay even if you can never make it work out the way it should be.

240. Saying goodbye makes you realize how much you love, how much you will miss and how much loss you had... knowing that the person will never be yours at all.

241. If you feel love in your heart, you are blessed by God, and if you share with others the love you have in your heart, you become a blessing from God. Good morning!

242. Let go of the hand of the person you love, but don't let go of God's hand for when you hold His hand, He might be holding the person you love on His other hand to let you hold each other in time.

243. True love covers the eyes to see no wrong. True love darkens reason to consider every situation. True love loves more when it hurts much. True love is still true even to the point of letting go. =(

244. In our life, there will come a time in where we will hate it because of the things that hurt us but we should never give the blame to our lives because whatever! Waah! Hirap mag-english! Good morning na lang!

245. A train is about to crash! A frantic virgin strips off and says, "Can anyone make me feel like a woman before I die?" So a man takes off his clothes and says, "Iron these!"



246. From the moment I saw you, I wanted to be inside you, I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen, mmmmmmm... new shoes!!!

247. Someday you may lose your hair. You may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never loose is your good looks, coz you can't lose what you don't have!

248. Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel its true warmth. Thank you for being the pee in my pants. =)

249. Jack & Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

250. He came to me one night... explored my body... licked, sucked, swallowed and had his fill... when satisfied he left... I was hurt... damn mosquito!

251. In the morning I do not eat because I think of you. At noon I do not eat because I think of you. In the evening I do not eat because I think of you, and at night I do not sleep because Im hungry.

252. Viagra now available in eye drops! You don't get an erection but you look hard!

253. I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creating a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in and out, up and down, can't wait till next time. I love my toothbrush!

254. What's the closest thing to a woman's period? Your salary! It comes once a month, lasts about 3 or 4 days and if it doesn't come, everyone's in trouble!

255. What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? If we stick together, we can stop this shit! =)

256. There was a mommy fish who got seperated from her baby fish. When they saw each other again after a very long time, the mommy fish said to the baby fish: isda you? Boink!

257. A few good quotes: 1. Nobody dies a virgin, life fucks us all; 2. I was born brilliant, education ruined me; 3. Don't drink water, fishes fuck in it. =)

258. A priest lost his parrot, asked during mass. Anyone got a bird? All men stood up. I mean, anyone seen a bird? All women stood up. I mean, anyone seen my bird? All nuns stood up!

259. Love is like a bowl of oatmeal; warm, mushy and good for you. Lust is like soup, it is only good when it is hot. =)

260. Wishing you the warmth, happiness and goodwill of the season and all the best that new year can bring, Merry Christmas!... Walang pakialamanan! Load ko to! =) Note: Must be sent when it's not Christmas season, hehehe!

261. Nakaamoy si ngongo ng pabango sa isang tindahan. Ngongo: Ale, mango! Ale: Pabango yan, hindi alimango! Ngongo: Ale, mango! Nag-agawan sila at nabasag ito. Ngongo: Ale, masag!

262. Ganoon ba talaga kapag hindi ka na kailangan? Bigla ka na lang mawawalan ng puwang sa puso ng isang tao. Masasaktan ka tapos maiisip mo, "Paano nya ako nagawang saktan?! Eh hindi naman sya kasarapan." =)

263. Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa isang farm. Terorista1: Anong nakita mo dyan? Terorista2: Mga sako lang. Terorista1: Tingnan mo ang laman! Sinipa ng terorista ang unang sako, "Meow", sabi ni FVR! Terorista2: Pusa! Sinipa ang pangalawang sako, "Aw aw!" sabi ni GMA! Terorista2: Aso! Sinipa ang ikatlong sako... Walang tunog kaya sinapa uli ito nang sinipa ng terorista. Dahil sa sakit ng sipa, napasigaw na si Erap. "Patatas!"

264: "Nardo" Tila bebot kung maglakad, nakisabay sa akin, ako'y napatingin sa dalagang nakabalot ng hiwaga. Mapapansin kaya, Adam's apple na namamaga. Kung naloko mo sila, naku lagot at nakilala pa. Koro: Sigaw na nananawagan, baka sakali tol matulungan. Multong baklang iniiwasan, sa pera na lang dinadaan. Nag-aabang ng langit, pati sa CR, naninilip. Sa likod ng mga kwarta, kahit kiss lang daw papa!

265. Sa tuwina'y naaalala ka. Sa pangarap, laging kasama ka. Ikaw ang alaala, sa aking pag-iisa, wala nang... kasunod yan! Matutulog na ako! (-_-)

266. When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the idiot on the face! Whapak! =)

267. Sun is now up smiling in the sky! The city is alive again with the divine guidance. Good morning mga fans! Your idol is now awake! Pwede nang magtext! =)

268. Prayer of the romantically disfranchised delusional or merely hopeful: "Lord, kung sya na, please let everything fall into place. Pero kung hindi sya, eh Lord, pwede bang sya na lang?" =)

269. Pedro: Miss, magkano serbisyo mo? GRO: 500 sa kama, 300 sa sofa, 200 sa sahig at 100 sa damuhan. Pedro: Sige, 500! GRO: Wow, bigatin! Isang beses sa kama? Pedro: Hindi! 5 beses sa damuhan!

270. There are 70 ways to make a woman happy. Number one is shopping, and the rest is 69! hahaha!

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