622. "E" is the most unfortunate character in the alphabet. It is always out of "cash", forever in "debt", never out of "danger" and in "hell" all the time. But notice that "e" is never in "war" and always in "peace." It's the beginning of "existence" and the end of "trouble." Without "e", we would have no "love", "life" or "heaven." Go E!
623. I love sleep... My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. - Ernest Hemingway.
624. I think that sometimes we love a person so much that we have to be numb to it; because if we actually felt how much we really love, then it would kill us.
625. Some won't appreciate what you say or do, but as long as you speak honestly from the heart, you'll be fine. This is not a perfect world. This is not a perfect life. But life loves the person who dares to live it by being real. Bon Jour!
626. Cook your own breakfast by mixing happiness, faith and wisdom; add a little understanding, a pint of hope and a spoonful of love; top with a lot of smiles! Good morning!
627. We may never talk, we may never laugh, we may never do things together, but our friendship doesn't limit to that. What's important is when there's no one to turn to, I'd be there to stand by you.
628. Sometimes in life, we tend to run so fast that we don't notice God running with us. We only notice Him when we fall, yet He stops, carries us and says, "Finish the race my child." Good day!
629. I'm giving you a part of my friendship not because you deserve it. But I guess, it already belongs to you. It might not be enough, it might be too small, but this little part could probably be my all. Good morning!
630. Always remember that God only makes happy endings. If it's not happy, then, it's not yet the end. Live by love and hope, there is always something to look forward to. God bless.
631. Put God on top of everything today and let Him take charge of all your plans. Then you'll see how beautiful His ways are and His unending love. Good day!
632. What is wrong with your phone? I tried calling you, but the operator said, "Welcome to the jungle! The monkey you are trying to call in on the tree. Please, try again later."
633. Real person are not those who are always around you when everything is almost perfect. They are the ones who dig deep into the ground when you're down just to put you up and say, "Everything's gonna be alright."
634. Army: I'm going to buy my wife a bra but I don't know the size. Saleslady: Don't worry sir, just touch my breast and try to estimate. Army: Oh, I forgot! She needs panty too!
635. Lion to mouse: "I'm getting married soon. What's the best advice you can give me?" Mouse: "Remember this, I was once a lion before I got married."
636. A little boy was so jealous about his newborn brother so he put poison on the nipple of his mom while asleep. The next day, their driver died!
637. When things go wrong, when everything you've tried didn't work out, when all else fails, and you feel things hanging... Control+Alt+Del... restart mo na yan!
638. Short story... 2 friends, See and Saw. One day, See saw sea and Saw didn't see sea. See saw sea and jumped in sea. Saw didn't see sea but jumped in sea. See saw Saw in sea and Saw saw See in sea. See saw both Saw and sea and both Saw and See were happy to see sea. Kung henyo ka, ikwento mo naman sa akin ng mas malinaw.
639. Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang ang toothbrush ko! Sister: Sandali, nakapanty lang ako! Pari: Ok, antay ako. Sister: Pasok na, wala na akon panty! Hihihi!
640. Three boys at the mall: Boy1: Shit, ang cute naman nung girl! Boy2: Sexy pa! Grabe! Boy3: Sino? Yung nakamini-skirt? Kilala ko sya, tawagin ko ha?! Kuyaaaah! =)
641. Jr: I know the truth, Mom! Mom: Ha?! Ito P500, huwag ka lang maingay sa daddy mo ha? Jr: Dad, I know the truth! Dad: Ha?! Ito P1000, huwag ka lang maingay sa mommy mo ha! Jr: (Ok pala ito! Subukan ko nga din sa katulong namin.) Inday! Alam ko na ang katotohanan! Inday: Sa wakas! Yakapin mo ako, anak ko!
642. Marami ang nagsasabi na makulit daw ako. Totoo ba? Na makulit ako? Ha? Totoo ba? Ano? Totoo ba? Sagoooot! Totoo ba? Ha? Ha? Totoo? Ano? Totoo? Huuyy! Ano? Makulit ba ako? Makulit ba? Hindi naman di ba? Sagot! Bakit hindi ka sumagot? Kulit ko ba talaga? Hindi naman, di ba? Baka ikaw ang makulit! Kaw pala ang makulit, pindot ka pa ng pindot eh. Kita mo, ikaw ang makulit! O, pumipindot pa rin! O, kulit! Oh, ano? Pindot ka pa rin? Bahala ka! Wala na, pindot pa rin ng pindot! Sino ngayon ang makulit? Ikaw!
643. I ask God to bless you, guide you, keep you safe, give you peace, give you love and joy and cash everyday. Ok yon, di ba?
644. Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain! Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo! Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo? Pedro: Asin!
645. Nurse: Miss, gising na! Patient: Ah, bakit? Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot. Patient: Anong gamot? Nurse: Sleeping pills.
646. Boy Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple. Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love. Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte. Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!
647. Kano: (trying to speak tagalog) Megkanow isang kelow mang-gow? Pinoy: One way! Kano: Megkanow? Pinoy: I said one way! Kano: Ano eybig sabeyhin one way? Pinoy: Isang daan!
648. Parrot sa dumadaang babae: Panget! Panget! Babae: Kapag sinabi mo pa ulit yan sa akin, papatayin na kita! Next day. Parrot: Psst! Babae: Bakit?! Parrot: Alam mo na! =)
649. It's my obligation to pray for you, to make you happy and comfort you. When you're down, I will lift your spirits. Wala naman akong choice eh, ganyan ang papel ng mga angels.
650. Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak? Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu! Ama: Aba, magaling! Anong subject yun, anak? Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!
651. Madaming gago sa mundo at handa silang gaguhin ka, pero hindi nila alam, may kaibigan ka na mas gago sa kanila. Subukan lang nilang gaguhin ka, gagaguhin ko ang kapwa ko gago kapag nasaktan ka!
652. Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas! Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?! Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh. =)
653. Minsan, nakukuha kong tumawa kahit malungkot. Nakukuha kong magbago kahit sobrang hirap. Nakukuha kong ngumiti sa mga problema. Lahat yata, makakaya ko, huwag lang yung kalimutan ako ng nagbabasa nito.
654. Kapag balisa ka, remember God's promise. Kapag inis ka, control yourself. Kapag may problema, pray. At kapag wala kang pera, isipin mo ako. Kasi, hindi ka nag-iisa. Wala din akong pera! Hehehe.
655. One great problem in life is loneliness. But somehow, texting gives relief. It's like making a tap at the back saying, "Ayos ka lang ba dyan? Eto lang ako ha, ingat!"
656. Binata: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo. Ale: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya. Binata: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.
657. Even though you're far away, always remember that I'm here to stay. So, if ever you're lonely and blue, pacheck-up ka oy! Walang taong blue! Ano ka, si Doraemon?! Hehehe.
658. Thought of the Day: Kapag binuhat ba kita at binuhat mo ako ng sabay, lulutang ba tayo pareho?
659. What is the best and worst news a man might hear at the same time? It's when your girlfriend says, "Ikaw talaga ang may pinakamalaking etits sa lahat ng kabarkada mo!" =)
660. Sa simbahan, isang bata: Lord, bigyan nyo po ako ng bike! Kinabukasan, wala syang natanggap kaya humiling ulit sya: Lord, bigyan nyo ako ng bike!! Pero wala pa ring natanggap. The next day, napansin ng pari na nawala ang rebulto ni Mama Mary! May nakita syang sulat sa altar: "Lord, kung gusto mo pang makita ang mama mo, bigyan mo ako ng bike!"
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