1251. We choose how we see people. When we want to like someone, we can be so tolerant. When we want to be irritated by people, we focus on their faults. It's not other people's behavior that determines how we feel about them, it's our attitude!

1252. Let instruction and knowledge mean more to you than silver or finest gold. Wisdom is worth more than precious jewels or anything else you desire. Good day!

1253. In life, there are five balls to juggle: family, friends, health, work and love. Only work is made of rubber, the rest are made of glass, don't drop any!

1254. Love is complex, it can hurt, it can be great. But never ask anyone to define love because love was never meant to be explained, it is supposed to be felt.

1255. Do you know why I love solitude so much? It's because in this state, I break free from a dangerous society where people have nothing to do but break my heart.

1256. Sometimes, two people decide to be just friends even if they still love each other and I often wonder why? I suppose it's not the love that's so hard to sustain, but the commitment that complicates everything.

1257. When you know things are not meant for you, learn to let go. It doesn't mean you are weak but you are strong. Strong enough to fight the urge of wanting something you are not supposed to have.

1258. Don't be afraid to take chances even if it might get you hurt. Just be strong and take it because you might miss that single chance that would change your life and make you really happy.

1259. In the cruel world of love, I've learned that promises aren't contracts, kisses aren't assurance, sweet words aren't guarantees, big hugs aren't bonds and that nothing is permanent in this life. One day, she's mine, the next day, she's gone. Last night she was sweet, the next morning, she's insensitive. Yesterday, I cried, tonight, I despair, but tomorrow, I'll be strong. I've tried so hard, it still seems not enough. Life is so unfair!

1260. Success is: To laugh often and much. To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children. To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty. To find the best in others. To live the world a little better. To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. Good day!

1261. Love is like handling someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger. - Spongebob.

1262. As we unburden ourselves to God, He lifts the weight for us. For every ounce of trust we place in Him, He pays us a pound of His blessings. God loves us!

1263. Hope you spend the day being what you like to be, seeing what you love to see, doing what you plan to do and having all your prayers come true! Good morning!

1264. The rain may cover the sun, but we know that the sun never forgets to shine just like you. We might not see each other but you always shine in my mind. Good morning!

1265. Life is a dance, sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow. Don't worry about what we don't know. What's important is we learn as we go. Good morning!

1266. Angels fly not because of their wings, but because they have no burdens in their heart. Lift everything to God and you will walk around like an angel! Good morning!

1267. Prayers are very powerful. The devil smiles when we are weak, he laughs when we are too busy, he giggles when we are afraid but he trembles when we pray. So, pray always!

1268. Sleep well, sleep tight, sleep silently into the night. Here is your pillow. Toink! Here is your kiss. Mwah! Here is your hug. Mmmmhhh. Here is your angel, Ahem. saying I love you! Good night!

1269. Siguro, kailangan nating madapa kasi merong mas tamang paraan ng pagtayo. Kailangan nating umiyak kasi hindi lahat kayang itago ng tawa. Kailangan nating masaktan kasi meron pa tayong dapat matutunan. Good morning!

1270. Minsan, pasaway talaga ang tao, hindi mo naman inaaya, darating at sasali sa mundo mo. Ang masakit, kung kelan apektado ka na sa kanya, saka pa sya aalis tangay ang mundong dating sa iyo lang. =(

1271. Minsan, itinutulak mo ang isang tao palayo sa iyo, kasi, alam mong babalik din sya. Pero mag-ingat ka sa pagtulak mo. Kasi, baka kapag narealize mong mahalaga sya sa iyo, hindi mo na sya mahila pabalik sa iyo.

1272. X - bansag sa mga past lovers natin. But don't you know na sa Math, X stands for unknown? Talaga bang kinalimutan mo na sya? O talagang hindi na kinikilala kahit mahal mo pa? =(

1273. Kapag naiisip kita, napapangiti ako. Kapag namimiss kita, kinikilig ako. Kapag sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na mahal kita, nasasaktan ako. Kasi, tinatanong ko sa sarili ko, "Ako kaya, mahal mo?"

1274. Tawag sa mga taga La Salle, Lasalista. Sa mga taga Ateneo, Atenista. Sa mga taga Letran, Letranista. Eh sa mga taga Batangas? Artista! Kukote, ebindensya. =)

1275. Bakit ang tao kapag ipinapanganak, madalas, ulo ang unang lumalabas? Sagot: Kasi ang tao, kapag ginagawa, ulo rin ang unang ipinapasok! First in, first out policy ang tawag dun!



1276. Holdaper: Wallet mo o pasasabugin ko ang ulo mo? Juan: Pareho lang yan! Holdaper: Anong pareho? Juan: Parehong walang laman! Ano? Wallet ko o pasasabugin mo ang ulo ko? Ikaw din, sayang ang bala mo. =)

1277. May bagong kasal. Mrs: Honey, malapit na tayong maging tatlo sa bahay na ito. Mr: Talaga? Honey, pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo! Mrs: Oo, dito na titira ang nanay ko!

1278. Tumatakbo ang isang bata dahil malelate na sya sa school. Nagdasal sya, "Diyos ko, tulungan nyo po akong huwag malate." Sa kanyang pagmamadali, nadapa sya! "Diyos ko naman, huwag nyo naman akong kaladkarin!"

1279. Kapag sinaktan ka, huwag gaganti. "Don't do unto others what you don't want them to do unto you." Pero kapag sinaktan ka ulit, bigyan mo na ng suntok o sipa. "It's better to give than to receive."

1280. Sa palengke. Madre1: Magkano ang talong? Tindera: P7 po ang apat na piraso. Madre2: Paano yan? Tatlo lang ang kailangan natin. Madre3: Bilhin na natin, tapos yung isa, iulam natin!

1281. A naked girl rode on a taxi. "Bakit?" the girl asked the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya. "Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?" Driver: Hindi miss. Iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago ang pamasahe mo.

1282. Never make somebody your everything, because if they go, then, you're left with nothing. - sabi ng baklang umiiyak sa kanto.

1283. Bush: Let's help one another. Erap: Tayo'y magtulungan. Bush: Let's strive together. Erap: Tayo'y magsikap. Bush: Because in union, there is strength! Erap: Dahil sa sibuyas, may titigas!

1284. Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?! - talong.

1285. Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero! - putok.

1286. Encouraging words for today: Kung hindi ka na masaya sa buhay mo, bakit hindi mo subukan ang kabilang buhay? Toink!

1287. Andito ako sa tapat ng bahay! - gate. Oo nga naman!

1288. Hey! Andito ako sa ospital ngayon! - nurse.

1289. Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao! - English.

1290. Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan! - Shrek.

1291. Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo? - Lego.

1292. Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka! - popcorn.

1293. Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure! - singit.

1294. Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi! - utot.

1295. Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis! - Pigsa.

1296. Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap hanap mo. Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa! - aircon.

1297. Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod na rin ako sa pagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!! - Christmas tree.

1298. I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt. But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno pipol! - Manny Pacquiao.

1299. Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!! - Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal. =)

1300. Nakakapagod rin palang magmahal. Kahit gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao, darating din ang araw na isusuko mo sya. Pero mas nakakapagod kapag 4 months ang practice at training mo, tapos, 3rd round lang, knockout ka na! - Erik Morales. =)

.

1201. Friendship isn't ranked by whom we have known the longest, who came first or who cares the best. It's about who came and never left.

1202. I think, part of the reason why people hold on to something so tight for so long is because they fear that something so great won't happen twice.

1203. Sometimes, the best way to find what you're looking for is to stop looking for it. The answers are usually within us and the harder we try to look ahead, the further we get from what's right in front of us.

1204. Mistakes make you think. They make you realize what you had, what you've lost and what you've taken for granted. They make you realize that sometimes, there are no next times, no time outs and no second chances.

1205. Being happy doesn't mean everything's ok. It only means you've decided to see things beyond life's imperfections! Whatever happens, stay happy and enjoy what life brings!

1206. I have special sleeping arrangements for you. Bed of trust, pillow of care, bedsheet of understanding, blanket of peace and dreams of love. Good night!

1207. When we sigh about our problems, they grow double but when we laugh about them and lift them up to God, they become bubbles. Have a bright and bubbly day!

1208. What is the meaning of life? "Taking pain," said the nail. "Keeping cool," said the ice. "Driving hard," said the hammer. "Being up-to-date," said the calendar. "Being sharp," said the knife. "Making light around you," said the fire. "Sticking to it," said the glue. "Being bright," said the lamp. "Being on time," said the clock. "Saving a drop," said the faucet. And best of all, "learning from it," said the mistake.

1209. Today is national good looking person day. Send this to someone drop dead gorgeous and alluring. Don't send it back to me, I've received hundreds already.

1210. Don't ever forget that there is no need to worry about forgetting things as you grow older because you'll soon forget what you have forgotten. - Al Zheimer.

1211. It's better to cry in a Rolls Royce than to be happy on a bicycle. - just an opinion. =)

1212. You never even thanked me for making you happy, then you throw me away just like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of sh*t! - tissue.

1213. You can never change the past nor control the future. But you can change the mood of the day by touching someone's private organ. The heart. Now you're smiling! Good morning!

1214. What is the most sensitive part of the body while having sex? Answer: Ears! Why? Because it can easily hear foot steps coming. =)

1215. Eight qualities of a perfect boyfriend. Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious and Self-organized. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

1216. Mahirap para sa akin ang hindi ka makita, mahirap para sa akin ang hindi ka makasama. Mahirap para sa akin ang mawala ka. Pero mas mahirap para sa akin ang ibigay mo ako sa iba kahit alam mong mahal kita.

1217. Ano ba ang pagmamahal? Yun bang pinaiyak ka na, pinatawad mo pa? Yun bang binabalewala ka na, hinahanap mo pa? Yun bang nagmamahal na ng iba, minamahal mo pa? O yun bang kinalimutan ka na, umaasa ka pa?

1218. Masaya lang tayo kapag may mga messages, minsan kahit na walang kwenta, basta galing sa mahal mo, masaya ka na! Kapag galing ba sa akin, masaya ka ba? Kahit wala akong kwenta?

1219. Happy lunch time! Simpleng salita, simpleng bati, pero para sa akin, malalim dahil sa simpleng salitang yun, nasabi kong naalala kita bago ako kumain. =)

1220. Kapag in love, ang sarap ng feeling. Kapag nasaktan, ang hirap tanggapin. Hindi mo alam kung biro, hindi mo alam kung totoo. Pero isa lang ang totoo. Love ko yung nagbabasa nito na kapag nawala sa buhay ko, mababaliw ako! =)

1221. Kung andito ka siguro sa tabi ko, wala siguro akong magagawa kundi titigan ka, tumingin sa mga mata mo, pero sabay ng pagtitig ko sa iyo ang dalanging sana, hindi ka mawala sa buhay ko.

1222. Gusto mo bang malaman kung gaano ka kahalaga? Hindi ako sasagot, hahawakan ko na lang ang kamay mo at ilulublob sa kumukulong tubig at sasabihing, "Masakit, di ba? Ganyan kapag nawala ka." =)

1223. Pinilit kong huwag magtext dahil alam kong istorbo lang ako. Pero talagang hindi ko matiis na hindi ka kumustahin! Magalit ka na, pero miss lang talaga kita!

1224. Birth months and their meanings. January - seloso/selosa. February - mahirap mahalin, moody, katok. March - sweet, may konting arte. April - pasaway, makulit, yabang. May - honest, minsan nangangaliwa. June - lover, user, playgirl/playboy. July -stick to one, sex trip. August - mahilig sa sex pero loyal. September - takot magmahal at masaktan, simpleng malibog. October - hindi kuntento sa isa, bolero. November - serious, bossy, mainit sa kama. December - mapagmahal, babaero, malibog. Tama ba yung sa 'yo??

1225. Ang chuva ay isang powerful word na ginagamit as noun, verb, adjective and all parts of speech. Lalo na kapag nakalimutan mo ang right term of use. Pass this chuva to 20 of your chuvas before chuva ends. If you don't chuva this chuva, you will get chuva to the highest level. Machuchuva ka talaga. Believe me. This is true. =)



1226. Boy1: Nag-aalala ako sa kapatid ko. Boy2: Bakit? Boy1: Lagi nya kasing kinakausap ang sarili nya dati, pero ngayon, hindi na. Boy2: Di magaling na sya, bakit hindi na nya kinakausap ang sarili nya? Boy1: Magkagalit daw sila. =)

1227. Hindi lahat ng kulot, salot. - Goldilocks.

1228. Este tinente opera lanesta komta diem jak galan nalu hagat tani diem. Lagot! Nabasa mo ang orasyon ng ligaw na kaluluwa, Mamaya, may magpaparamdam sa iyo! Awwooo!!

1229. Trivia: Did you know that undas means "lungkot nu"? Kasi, kapag binaligtad mo yun, "sadnu". O di ba?! Hehehe. Toink!

1230. Hey! I'm selling original Lacoste t-shirt for only 100 pesos! Kaya lang, yung buwaya, nangangagat ng nipples! But don't worry, dinidilaan nya muna! =)

1231. Boom talong-talong. Boom talong-talong. Kamatis, kamatis, bagoong! Hehehe! Kinanta mo ano?? Hahaha!

1232. Pinapaikot mo na lang ako palagi. Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti't patayin mo na lang ako! - Electric Fan.

1233. This message will explode in 5 seconds... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Boom!! Tarat! tarat! Boom tarat tarat! Tararat! Tararat! Boom! Boom! Boom! Shoink!

1234. Hindi ako magsosorry dahil sinabi ng press! Hindi ako magsosorry dahil sinabi ng career. At hindi ako magsosorry dahil sinabi ng panahon! It will come in and it has to be real! - Gretchen Baretto. Taray noh? Toink!

1235. Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim! - Jollibee.

1236. Alam mo ba kung bakit sa tingin ko, hulog ka ng langit? Kasi, bawal ka roon! Hehehe =)

1237. Why are we friends? Dahil praning ako, praning ka rin. Baliw ako, baliw ka rin. Maloko ako, maloko ka rin. Cute ako, wala ng space.

1238. Toto: Nay, nay! Anong ulam, inay? Nanay: Tingnan mo na lang sa ref, anak. Toto: Eh wala naman tayong refrigerator, inay, di ba? Nanay: Eh di wala tayong ulam!

1239. Pedro: May nasagot ka ba sa exam? Juan: Wala eh, blangko ang papel ko. Pedro: Ako din eh, walang laman ang papel ko. Blangko din! Juan: Patay tayo! Pedro: Bakit? Juan: Baka sabihin ni ma'am, nagkopyahan tayo!

1240. Pedro: Juan, masaya ka ata? Juan: Oo, nagpa brain scan ako. Madalas kasing sabihin ng tatay ko na wala akong utak eh. Sabi ni doktor, hindi lang isa ang utak ko, may TWO MORE pa!!

1241. Mahirap ang buhay may asawa. Umaga - laba damit. Tanghali - sampay damit. Hapon - tiklop damit. Gabi - plantsa damit. Hatinggabi - hubad damit. Madaling araw - hanap damit!

1242. Words of wisdom: "to do is to be.." - Socrates. "to be is to do..." - Sartre. "do be do be do" - Kamikazee. =)

1243. Promoter: Misis, kapag pinaghalo ang Breeze at Tide, bubula kaya? Misis: Aba, syempre! Promoter: Mali! Misis: Bakit naman? Promoter: Wala pang tubig, ano ka ba?!

1244. May kwento ako tungkol sa lovelife ng ampalaya. Huwag na lang! Masyadong mapait!

1245. Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Sa tuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagod na ako sa pagngiti! - smiley. =)

1246. Grabe! Biruin mo, 15000 pesos daw, hot oil lang! 150000 pesos ang rebonding! Sobra naman yang David's Salon na yan! - Rapunzel.

1247. Filipino class. Guro: Juan, magbigay ng pangungusap na may tayutay (figure of speech). Juan: Ahem... "Ang tatay ay nadapa... Tayu, tay!" =)

1248. Hindi makapagtimpla ng juice si Inday. Tahimik lang syang nakatitig sa bote ng juice. Dahil nakasulat: Concentrate. =)

1249. Ang stars, ginawa para makapagwish. Ang angels, ginawa para tagabantay. Eh ako?! Bakit ako ginawa? Wala lang. Para lang may kaayaaya sa mundo! =)

1250. Minsan, tinanong ko sa sarili ko, bakit nakilala kita? Bakit nakasundo kita? Bakit naging kaibigan kita? Ngayon, alam ko na ang sagot, simple lang pala! Kasi, mabait ako! Hahaha!

.

1101. I'm sorry for blaming you. For everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you. There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again. Sometimes, I want to call you, but I know you won't be there. It's hard to say goodbye when it comes to this. There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance to look into your eyes. Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I couldn't do. - Hurt - Christina Aguilera

1102. It takes a strong heart to love. It takes a stronger heart to continue to love after it has been hurt. Good night!

1103. Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling. If we could decide who to love, then, life would be much simpler, but then less magical. - Southpark.

1104. Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.

1105. A smile is the best lighting system of the face, the best cooling system of the head, and the best warming system of the heart. Keep smiling! =)

1106. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, and disciplined. But no life is ever happy until it is lived for the glory of God. Keep the faith. Good morning!

1107. Thank you for touching my life in ways you may never know. My riches do not lie in material wealth, but in having friend like you - a precious gift from God.

1108. Having a good laugh with a friend like you stimulates endorphins, the brain’s natural painkillers. So, if you need to laugh and you can’t find a friend like yourself, I can lend you my mirror.

1109. One lie is enough to break a trust. One sentence is enough to break a heart. One second is enough to lose a battle. One smile is enough to fall in love. One mistake is enough to lose a job. One touch is enough to heal a wounded heart. But whatever our pain, whatever our struggle, one God is more than enough. Good evening!

1110. Life is pretty much unpredictable. I may not live long enough but I won't miss out letting you know that life is worth living with someone like you around.

1111. In life, you'll find someone who will puff smoke and drink with you till sun is up. But what I promise you is that I'll be the one who will stay with you when all you see is an empty beer bottle and an empty cigarette case.

1112. Jesus and Satan competed on the computer. They started typing. They did every known job, reports, e-mails, attachments and downloads. But before the time was up, lightning, thunder and rain, and brownout came! Satan cursed. Jesus just sighed. When electricity was back, Satan lost every single thing he had done. But Jesus started printing all his files. Satan shouted: You cheated! Jesus just smiled. He did what Satan didn't know: Jesus saves.

1113. Erap writing a request letter to order 2 geese. "I would like to order 2 gooses." Mali yata. "I would like to order 2 geeses." Mali rin yata. Ito na lang. "Dear sir, I would like to order 1 goose. Thank you very much. P.S. Please add 1 goose."

1114. Sometimes, my mind asks. Why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Why I text you? Then my heart answered, Mongoloids need more care! Hehehe. Now, you're smiling! =)

1115. A housewife hears door bell. When she opens the door, a man asks if she has a vagina. She slams the door in disgust that a stranger could ask such a thing. Same thing happens for 3 days. She tells husband. He does not go to work the next day and tells wife to say yes if he comes again. "I will hide behind the door." Next day, man comes and knocks. He asks, "Do you have a vagina?" She says "Yes!" Man says, "Good! Then, please tell your husband to stop f*cking my wife!"

1116. In New York, Mike Arroyo asked a prostitute. Mike: How much? Prostitute: $100. Mike: That's too much! How about $10? Prostitute: No way! Next day, the prostitute saw Mike with GMA. Prostitute: See what you get for $10! =)

1117. 12 priests to be ordained lined up with a tiny bell attached to their penis. A sexy nude girl danced before each of them. If the bell rings, no ordination. The first 11, no bell rang. At the last priest, his bell rang very loud and flew to the ground. He bent over to pick it up. All the other bells rang!

1118. Zodiac signs about kissing. Aries - quick and passionate. Taurus - deliberate, heartfelt. Gemini - interrupted by giggles, smiles. Cancer - warm and tender. Leo - wild, biting. Virgo - subtle and tidy. Libra - a relief from stress. Scorpio - skip the kiss and wanted sex. Sagittarius - surprising, wanted more. Capricorn - worrying about breath. Aquarius - wet and messy, eyes open. Pisces - starry-eyed, long kiss.

1119. All you have to do in life is go out with your friends, party hard, and look twice as good as the bitch standing next to you. - Paris Hilton.

1120. A father was trying to teach his young son about the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the worm in the whisky curled up and died. "Alright, son" asked the father, "What does this show?" "Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms." =)

1121. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)

1122. I'm so masaya that I have a friend like you because you tanggap me as me. I always pasalamat to the lord that I met you and I hope you will not bago your ugali because I like you as ikaw! devah?

1123. Inaantok na ako. Pagod kasi. Masyadong busy. Pero naalala kita! Greet muna kita. Good night!

1124. We really don't need so many friends. What will you do with so many if only few are true? For me, I can be contented with only 3 or 2, basta dapat paglingon ko, one of them is you!

1125. If one day, you decide to give up on me, I'll understand. And if I remember you, I would be grateful for the fact that minsan, ikaw yung isa sa mga taong sumalo sa akin at nagpaalala na hindi ako nag-iisa!



1126. What if I tell you to forget me, would you? If I ask you to go, would you obey? If I tell you to leave me alone, will you? Sana, matigas ang ulo mo at hindi mo hayaang mawala ako.

1127. When I'm sad, I talk to God, then I'm ok. When I'm depress, I talk to God again, then I'm ok. When I'm in pain, I talk to God even more, then He'll comfort me. Pero ang tao, kapag si God ang tumawag, madalas, deadma. "Lord, I'm so sorry for causing you too much pain." Send this as much as you can, the more you send shows how much you are sorry. Kaya mo bang deadmahin ito??

1128. Live your life to the fullest as if it's your last! Oopss, luma na yan! Ito ang bago. Mas malupit pa! Live today as if you will stand before God tomorrow! Oh di ba? Good morning!

1129. Minsan, naiisip ko, bakit ba kita nakilala? Para saan at dumating ka? Pero napapatahimik na lang ako tapos napapangiti. Baka kasi akalain ni Lord, nagrereklamo ako! Mahirap na. Baka bawiin ka nya. Ayoko nga!

1130. If you make talikod to me, I will not be galit. I will just panood you lakad, but if suddenly you dapa, I'll say, You kasi eh, not making ingat. Come here nga, I'll make you yakap! =)

1131. What if the person you love sacrifice you just to have another love? Would you fight and never give up? Ako? Lalayo na lang. Why? Isinuko nya ako eh, tapos ipaglalaban ko sya? Kalokohan!

1132. Girls? Definitely, magaganda! Dapat, siniseryoso kahit bolera, masarap naman magmahal. Sweet and loyal, pero kapag niloko, for sure iiyak. Pero kapag ok na, magsisisi ang nagpaiyak! Dahil ang girls, rumeresbak!

1133. At muling nagbabalik ang inyong kaibigan na nambubulabog tuwing may load. Kumusta na kayo mga kapuso ko? Ito nga pala ang texter na kahit walang pera, mukha namang artista. Good morning!

1134. Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo. Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasasabikan mo. Nagmamahal - Ice candy.

1135. Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko. Inay: Bakit naman? Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal. Lola: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo? Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?

1136. Ang buhay ay parang holiday. Kapag masaya, Pasko. Kapag nagdadalamhati, Holy Week. Kapag umiibig ka, Valentine's Day. Tumingin ka lang sa salamin, Halloween na! =)

1137. Use "Bampira" in a sentence! Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!

1138. Be careful with Erap jokes that you text to your friends. Erap is now monitoring cellphone networks such as Smart, Sun and Globe to find who is making fun of him. This message is texted in English to avoid detection.

1139. Kapag may taong nagsabi sa iyo na ibibigay nya ang buwan at bituin, huwag kang maniwala dahil kahit sungkitin nya ang buwan at bituin, aanhin mo naman yun?!

1140. The world is so big, di ba? Imagine?! 7 billion people, 7 continents, over a hundred countries, pero paano tayo nagkakilala? That is what you call "Kamalasan!" =)

1141. Hindi kita pinipilit na isipin ako, hindi ko rin sinasadyang istorbohin ka sa ginagawa mo. Huwag ka sanang magagalit kung makulit ako. Pero tanong ko lang, "May regalo ka na ba sa akin sa Pasko?" =)

1142. A Chinese woman married an Englishman. She can't speak English. At the grocery, she wanted to buy pork leg, she showed her legs. Next day, she needed chicken breast, she showed her breast. Third day, she brought along her husband because she wanted sausage. What did she do? Ikaw ha, iba iniisip mo. Her husband can speak English, di ba? =)

1143. Anak: Itay, ano ba ang birdflu? Kasi, maraming nabibiktima ng birdflu. Ama: Kaya nga kita pinag-aaral para matuto ka eh. Ang birdflu ay past tense ng bird fly.

1144. Dakakaidis talaga. Bay sipod da damad ako. Barado da damad ilog ko. Bahirap da damad batulog. O, bakit gadyad ka bagsalita? Bay sipod ka did? =)

1145. Adik lang sa paningin. May puso't damdamin. Subukan lang nilang mahalin. Mababaliw sila sa akin.

1146. May mga sugat na mahirap lunasan. Mga sakit na mahirap kalimutan. Pero mas mahirap tanggapin kung ang peklat na maiiwan ay magsasabi ng "Hahaha! We'll be together, forever!" =)

1147. What comprises a college student? 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration and 200% lakwatsa session for a total of 3.0/75. Sakto lang para pumasa! =)

1148. How to get the person you love? 1. Be friendly sa kanya. 2. Intindihin mo sya. 3. Mahalin mo lang sya hanggang magsawa ka. Kapag wala pa ring nangyari, lasingin mo! Talo-talo na! =)

1149. Hindi ako umaasang maging isang mahalagang tao sa iyong buhay ngunit umaasa ako na balang araw, marinig mo ang pangalan ko, nangingiti ka't sasabihin mong "Cute yan sa personal!"

1150. Q: May 10 inggitera, nagpakamatay ang isa, ilan ang natira? A: Eh di wala, kasi lahat nainggit, gumaya tuloy!

.

1151. Don't be afraid to put your trust to someone who will love you completely, because not all fears are right and love doesn't always end in pain. Who knows? The one you've been waiting for has always been with you.

1152. Nobody can ever make you feel average without your permission. Ingratitude and criticism are going to come; they are part of the price you pay for leaping past mediocrity. When you make your mark in life, you'll always attract erasers. Never surrender your dream to noisy negatives! - The Enemy Called Average

1153. It's hard to explain what I feel. What I know is you are my friend. Maybe, I'm never the perfect one, but I will still be your friend no matter what. Just hold on, maybe, I will never be your bestfriend, but your friend forever.

1154. If you need a shoulder to cry on, mine is for free. No cover charge, no service charge, no government taxes. Just pure love for a friend. Just inform me, anytime, 24 hours open!

1155. Minsan, nakakatakot nang magmahal, hindi mo alam, baka masaktan ka lang ulit. Pero ganun naman talaga ang love di ba? Magsasayang ka muna ng maraming luha bago mo matagpuan ang taong kailanman ay hindi ka na iiwan pa.

1156. Madalas, kapag ang tao, nagdadasal, humihiling, gusto ko nito, gusto ko nyan, sana, may ganito, sana may ganyan. Hindi ko sila masisisi, hindi ka pa kasi nila nakikilala. Di sana, ang dasal na lang nila, "Thank you."

1157. Bakit yung iba, ang bilis kong palitan. Bakit sila, hindi ko iniiyakan. Bakit kapag iba, wala akong pakialam. Pero bakit kapag ikaw na, ang hirap mong kalimutan. =(

1158. Heart and brain were fighting. Heart said, "Idelete mo na sya! Stupid!" Mind replied, "Nagmamarunong ka pa dyan, how would I discard if I see you bleed everytime I try?"

1159. Kung mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi mo sya hahayaang mawala sa iyo. Hindi sasaktan, hindi paglalaruan, hindi paaasahin, hindi babalewalain kundi iingatan at ipaglalaban. At higit sa lahat, hindi mo papalitan!

1160. Garfield's words of wisdom: "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more info in our heads. So, I'm not fat! I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold anymore so it started filling up the rest of me."

1161. Smile you made it least at but, you to this sent that fool the kill to want probably might you, this reading bothered have you after. Confused?? Read it backwards!

1162. One day, Aubrey Miles went to FHM magazine to check if she's still the sexiest girl in the world. Then, she walked out angry and shouting, "Who the hell is (yournamehere)?!"

1163. Noong isang gabi, sumakay ako sa dyip. Nagtataka ako kung bakit lahat sila, nakatingin sa akin. Ayaw nilang kumibo. Nakatitig lang sila sa akin. May isang naglakas ng loob at sinabi: "Iho, inarkila namin ito!"

1164. Friendship? Para daw grade sa Math. Mahirap abutin, pinaghihirapan. Minsan pasado, kadalasan, bagsak. Ako? Hindi ako magaling sa Math! Pero para sa iyo, handa akong mangopya sa katabi ko.

1165. If true friend can be bought, I'm going to sell you in an ukay ukay for only a peso or centavo with 50% discount! Why? So that anyone can avail a friend as true as you. Mukhang sosyal, pero di mahal!

1166. Boy1: Pare, tikman mo itong cake ko, masarap! Gawa ng nanay ko. Boy2: Ikaw na lang titikman ko pare, tutal, gawa ka rin ng nanay mo!

1167. Meron ka na lamang 6 na oras para manatiling tao. Kung gusto mong ipagpatuloy ang pagiging tao mo, itype lang ang MALIGNO OFF at isend sa 2870. Good luck!

1168. Imagine if all straight guys are talking in a gay lingo... Student: Buket di mo chinuva yung girlalet? Malaki naman ang susey ng lola mo ah. Hunk: Winnie cordero nga dude, smelanie marquez naman, wit na. Jaworski: Ok, beks, keber sa kalaban, jus focus, we cannot afford to luz valdez. You, achievin mo yung last free throw. Ok, go for gold to the highest level!

1169. You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, it wasn't fair, that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's all your fault! You stabbed me with a knife! - Sibuyas.

1170. Sabi nila, kapag hindi ka raw mahal ng isang tao, huwag mo raw ipagpilitan ang sarili mo sa kanya. Sabi ko, "Ah, ok!" =)

1171. Kunwari, ang pangalan mo, "Ikaw", tapos ang pangalan ko ay "Ako". Ang tanong, sino ang panget?? =)

1172. God is so wise because he never created friends with price tags, because if He did, I cannot afford a precious one like you. Pero kung sakali man, syempre, pag-iipunan kita. =)

1173. TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas! SIGA: Ako, matapang ako, bakit may problema ka? TUKMOL: Wala po, survey lang ho. Ngayon, yung duwag naman ang lumabas!

1174. Kung sino man kayong mahilig magpadala ng chain messages na walang kwenta, tigilan nyo na ako!! Punung-puno na ako!! Please pass to 10 persons and make a wish.

1175. Dear friend, I asked for a flower, you gave me a boquet; I asked for a stone, you gave me a statue; I asked for a feather, you gave me a peacock. Wow friend! Ang bingi mo!



1176. Di ba ang PLDT may TELESULIT at TELETIPID. Pag-aari rin kaya nila ang TELETUBBIES? kasi nakapangalan sa kanila e. P-Po, L-LaLa, D-Dipsy, T-Tinky Winky. Di ba may point ako?

1177. Naranasan mo na bang makita sya nang di sinasadya? Tinitigan ka nya sabay ngiti. Tahimik mo syang pinagmasdan. Bigla syang lumapit sayo. Niyakap ka nya at dahan-dahang bumulong, 'holdap to'.

1178. Tinanong ko ex ko kung mahal pa nya ako. Hindi sya sumagot. Sa halip kinuha nya kamay ko at nilagay nya sa dibdib nya. Naluha ako at sinampal ko sya dahil naramdaman ko, may boobs na ang gaga!

1179. When you're feeling blue, don't hesitate to come to me. I'll gladly help you. May crayola ako dito, kokoloran kita ng pink para kikay!

1180. Anak: Ma, hingi sana ako ng P50. Nanay: P40? Ang laki naman ng P30! Anong gagawin mo sa P20? Akala mo madaling kumita ng P10? O, eto P5. :)

1181. When life is a mess, when my heart has been crushed, when I’m wearing a frown, when I breakdown and cry, when I’m blue, can I comfort myself by saying, I have you?

1182. To be happy, don’t do whatever you like – like whatever you do. Happiness comes not from having much to live ON, but having much to live FOR.

1183. Falling down doesn’t make you a failure but staying down does. Always remember that no one is perfect and when you fall harder, you bounce back higher.

1184. May the arm of your angel hold you tight each day. May she light and guide you all the way. But if ever your angel is busy today, just tell me, ako ang magdu-duty. :)

1185. Pinaka-corny pero pinaka-effective na pick-up line: “Miss, alam mo ba, hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, at hindi tayo halaman. BAGAY TAYO! BAGAY!” =)

1186. You never know what you have till you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back! - snatcher.

1187. Galing ni God no? Alam Nya kung san magiging masaya ang tao, kung saan pwede magmahal at mahalin ng totoo. Kung saan yung langit dito sa mundo. Kaya pala nilagay niya ako malapit sa 'yo :)

1188. Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako! - libag.

1189. Bkit ganun? “Malalaman mo lang na importante ang isang tao pag nawala na sya sayo.” Sana, baliktad na lang.“Sayo sya na nawala pag tao isang ang importante na lang mo malalaman.” Ano daw!?

1190. Do you know what is “Inner Row?” What is Inner Row? Inner row... is that which comes before Pibrerow, Marsow, Abril, Mayow, Hunyow, Hulyow, Agustow! Hehe.

1191. Eve: “Oh Adam, do you love me?” Adam: “Who else?”

1192. Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok? Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus! Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado! Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!

1193. Life can be so unfair. Cooking a meal takes one hour, but eating it takes 5 mins. Constructing a building takes 6 months, but blowing it up takes 30 secs. Earning P10,000 takes 30 days, but paying the cashier for a cellphone takes 2 seconds. However, it’s amazing that a second smack on the cheek can make your day, a 5-second glimpse of your crush can make your week and a 10-second hug can take your 1 year pain away!

1194. You’ll realize that you’ve spent 3 seconds of your life reading this.

1195. Magandang ibigay na regalo. Sa kaibigan: KATAPATAN. Sa kaaway: PAGPAPATAWAD. Sa magulang: PASASALAMAT. Sa Diyos: BUHAY MO. Sa akin: Sony Ericsson Cybershot phone, iPod video with speakers, shopping spree sa Hong Kong, Apple na laptop with all the gadgets, plasma tv, own Disneyland, money, Porsche convertible, roundtrip sa buong mundo and my own ice cream store. Yan lang, happy na ako. Ayoko ng masyadong galante, mababaw lang kaligayahan ko.

1196. Nang makita kita, parang ayaw kitang tawagin. Kasi, baka balewalain mo lang ako. Pero naisip ko, hindi porket sikat ka, hindi na kita pwedeng makausap. Kaya tinawag kita, "Bakekang, Bakekang! Papirma naman!"

1197. They say true love only happens once in a blue moon. Ito ang tanong, sa buong buhay ko, hindi pa ako nakakita ng asul na buwan! Addict, di ba? Buwan? Asul? =)

1198. Teacher: Class, draw a fish! Class: Yes, ma'am! Teacher: Pedro, why is your drawing very dirty? Pedro: Ma'am, huwag kang makialam. Bagoong yan!

1199. Magsyota, naglalakad sa park. Girlfriend: Hon, ihi muna ako. Boyfriend: Dyan ka na lang sa damuhan. Habang umiihi, kinapkap ni BF ang legs ni GF nang may nahawakan syang mahaba sa gitna ng mga legs. Boyfriend: Pucha! Nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian? Girlfriend: Ulol! Nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon, tatae na lang ako!

1200. Piglet sat beside Pooh and whispered, "Pooh?" "Yes, Piglet," said Pooh. "Nothing," Piglet said. Piglet took Pooh's paw and added, "I just want to make sure you're here." - Brokeback Mountain: Disney style. =)

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1051. I freaking love you. Today is bestfriend day. Send this to all your friends and me. If you get 7 back, you're loved.

1052. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this text to at least 5 people in the next 30 seconds, a bird will crap on you today.

1053. Hello, I am Cordelia. I died in a fire 10 years ago. Unless you send this message on to 10 other people, I will come to your room tonight and stare at you. I look like a three-year old - without a face. I will show up every night. You have seven minutes to send this.

1054. I saw something in the shop window today. It was stunning sexy, cute, beautiful and adorable. I was supposed to buy it for you till I realized it was my own REFLECTION.

1055. Those innocent eyes. Those kissable lips. A great smile. The perfect walk. Smoothest talk. Absolutely gorgeous. That's enough about me. How are you?

1056. Durex regrets to inform you that your birth was a mistake. Please report to the nearest hospital to be put down immediately. Sorry for any inconvenience.

1057. Roses are red, violets are blue, monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo. Don't get angry, you will find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at you.

1058. Nobody likes you. Nobody cares for you. Nobody misses you. Nobody wants to see you. Nobody is your best friend. Nobody is happy with you. Hey, Don't cry at all!!! My name is Nobody.

1059. A heartbreak is always a blessing from God. It might be a very worst nightmare that leaves you crying in the middle of the night. But it is just his way of letting you realized he saved you from the wrong one.

1060. In ancient England, people could not have sex unless they had consent of the king or unless they were in the royal family. When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king and the king have them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had f.u.c.k. (fornication under consent of the king) on it. Hence, that's where the word f*ck came from. Aren't you glad you learned something new today?

1061. When you want to make a difference... subtract. Naks! Deep.

1062. A man once said: First, I was dying to finish my high school and start college... Then, I was dying to finish college and start working... Then, I was dying to marry and have children. And then, I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work. But then, I was dying to retire. And now, I'm dying, and suddenly I realized, I forgot to live. Live today like there's no tomorrow. Get the most out of life, enjoy it.

1063. Before a new chapter begins, the old one has to end. Tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need... Closing cycles, not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance but simply because that no longer fits your life. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are. - Paulo Coehlo on Pragmatism

1064. If you love someone, you say it right then out loud or the moment just passes you by. - My Bestfriend's Wedding

1065. When you find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin right away. - When Harry Met Sally

1066. If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean that they are meant for each other now - Dawson's Creek

1067. The only feeling of loss is when you love someone more than you love yourself. - Goodwill Hunting

1068. Love not because you like that person, nor because you care. Love not because you know that you can't live without that person. Instead, just love, and forget about why. Good night!

1069. Being with someone doesn't guarantee happiness. It doesn't matter how long you've been alone, how long you've hoped, or how long you've waited. There's no such thing as a perfect love story. Hearthaches will always be a part of loving. But remember though not perfect, if that love is meant for you, it will stick with you till the end. No matter how tough it gets, no matter how long. Far from perfect but real.

1070. Save yourself the trouble with traffic and cemeteries. Do not visit your departed loved ones anymore. Instead, ask them to visit you. It's more personal and meaningful. Good night!

1071. Two dillema's that rattle my mind: How do I get rid of someone who won't go and how do I hang on to someone who won't stay. Sakit sa ulo!

1072. The saddest quote by the funniest man ever born on this planet: "I always like walking in the rain so no one can see me crying." - Charlie Chaplin.

1073. What's the hardest part in ending a relationship? Not the feeling of letting go, not the part of goodbye, but going through every damn day and having to remember it.

1074. God understands that we are not strong all the time. Sometimes, all we can do is rest on his arms as he takes us thru the journey of life. With Him, we are safe.

1075. Love and Friend are walking in a village. Love falls into a well. Why? Because Love is blind. Friend also jumps inside. Why? Because Friend will do anything for Love.



1076. A man was asked, "How can you believe in God when the world has many problems?" The man replied, "With all these problems, how can you possibly make it without God?"

1077. Walang pinipili ang pag-ibig, kahit mahirap ka pa o mayaman. Pero paano kung minahal ka ng isang mahirap at isang mayaman, sino ang pipiliin mo? The one who has everything or the one who has nothing but willing to give everything?

1078. Gusto ko sanang kasama ka, kasi, espesyal ka sa akin. Gusto ko sanang katabi ka, kasi, love kita. Gusto ko sanang yakapin ka, kasi, miss na kita. Pero gustuhin ko man lahat yun, hindi pwede kasi malayo ka.

1079. Kailangan pa ba kitang itext para maalala mo ako? Kailangan bang lagi akong nauunang magparamdam? Bakit ka ganyan? Wala kang load? Busy ka? Magpapapansin pa ba ako sa iyo para maramdaman mong nagtatampo na ako.

1080. Ang love, parang work. Mahirap pero masaya, maraming kakumpetensya, pero kinakaya. May dayoff at overtime, tapos, minsan, may bonus pa. Eh paano kung pagod ka na? Magreresign ka na lang ba??

1081. Do you have the looks? Do you have the charm? Let us see if you have what it takes to be the first Mr. and Ms. Undas 2006. Sali ka na, dali!

1082. Inday.... will always love you!

1083. Kagabi, nanaginip ako. Pumangit daw lahat ng hindi nagtetext. Naisip kita! Natakot ako! Text ka nga kung cute ka pa!

1084. Simoy ng Pasko'y narito na. Merry.... galo ka na ba sa akin? Hehehe. Nagpapaalala lang, October na kasi eh.

1085. Russian: We are first on space! USA: We are first on the moon! Philippines: We will be the first in the sun! USA: You can't go there, you'll burn. Philippines: We are not stupid, we will go there at night!

1086. Doctor: Iho, bakit mo naman sinapak yung lalaki kanina? Boy: E doc, nakita nya nang ninenerbyos ako sa resulta ng AIDS test, tapos, sasabihin pa nya, think positive pare!

1087. When the time comes you feel emptiness, just sing this song... Boom tarat tarat! Boom tarat tarat! Tararat! Tararat! Boom! Boom! Boom!

1088. Announcing a new technological breakthrough of the new millenium: A new napkin designed to satisfy every woman's secret fantasy. Introducing... Whisper with tongue!

1089. As proposed by GMA, sex will now be taxed. Upon penetration, VAT - Vaginal Access Tax. If more than 10 minutes inside - Burial Tax. Upon withdrawal - Exit Tax. Those who don't have sex life, 10% Asset Tax. Those who practice withdrawal method with control - Withholding Tax. Entering other than wife - Road Users Tax. Multiple ejection - Multiple Taxation. Kung matuloy ito, sa iyo pa lang, makakaahon na ang Pilipinas sa lahat ng utang. =)

1090. Research said that men are healthier than women because men get fresh milk, 2 papayas and a juicy oyster every night but women only get 1 banana, 2 meatballs and a teaspoon of yogurt.

1091. Patient: Doc, I regularly move my bowel every morning at 7! Doc: What is wrong with that? Patient: Kasi, I wake up at 8:00 AM!

1092. Oy, may nalaman ako sa tungkol sa iyo. Ikaw talaga. Nakabalot ka na daw ng regalo para sa akin this Christmas! Thanks! Ang sweet naman!

1093. Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano nang walang parachute! Leo: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan? Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!

1094. Lola: Ikulong nyo ang asawa ko, kasi, puro dogstyle ang gusto nya! Pulis: Lola, wala pong illegal sa dogstyle. Lola: Pero inaamoy lang nya, tapos, iihian!

1095. Sayang si pare. Ang tatay, summa cum laude sa Ateneo. Ang nanay, summa cum laude sa UP. Ang kapatid, summa cum laude sa DLSU. Ang asawa, summa ma sa iba!

1096. Dear Chikito, Pinagsisisihan ko talaga ang pagbasted ko sa iyo. Tinetesting ko lang ang pasensya mo nung sabihin kong sobrang pangit mo, wala kang kwenta at isinumpa kang nilalang. Bawat segundo, ikaw ang nasa isip ko. Kahit sa panaginip, andun ka pa rin. Tanggap na tanggap ka ng mga magulang ko at mahilig lang talaga silang magbiro nung hinabol ka ng itak ng tatay ko at sinabuyan ka ng ihi ng nanay ko. Hindi talaga ako mabubuhay ng wala ka sa akin. Nagmamahal, Bianca. P.S. Congrats sa pagkapanalo mo sa lotto!

1097. Maraming bagay ang gumugulo sa isip ko. Bukod sa trabaho, pamilya, pag-ibig, barkada, pera, ang mas gumugulo sa utak ko ay, kung ano talaga ang tagalog sa shampoo?

1098. Trivia: Did you know that in Malaysia, the word ARAW refers to the person's sex organ? Wala lang, share ko lang. Anyway, sana, maligaya ang ARAW mo ngayon!

1099. Please call I'm at home... Please call I'm at work... Please call... I'm in a meeting, call me later at... Meeting is cancelled... I am late... I will be there at... See you in... See you at... Sorry, I can't help you on this... I will be arriving at... Mga templates. Sayang naman, hindi nagagamit. =)

1100. Let's congratulate Manny and Jinky Pacquiao for their baby girl. They'll name their baby after the combination of their names. Manny + Jinky = Manky. =)

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1001. Work is the greatest thing in the world, so I always save some of it for tomorrow. - Juan Tamad. Very inspirational! =)

1002. Buddha says, "In the end, only 3 things matter... how much we loved, how gently we lived and how gracefully we let go of the things not meant for us." Good afternoon!

1003. While Dad was polishing his new car, his four-year old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In his anger, Dad took the child's hand and hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, his child said, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?" Dad was so hurt. He went back to the car and kicked it a lot of times. Sitting back, he looked at the scratches the child made, it read... "I LOVE YOU DADDY"

1004. Boy: I saw her. Still pretty and she looks so happy. Girl: I saw him. I felt like crying but I won't let him notice that. Boy: I wonder if she's now taken, maybe, she is. Girl: I'm still single, can't seem to find someone who could take his place. Boy: I know she's angry. Girl: After all he's done, I couldn't get angry. Boy: I'm coward not to choose her. Girl: He was brave enough to choose the one he truly loves. Boy: I regret it. Girl: Wish he never left. Boy: I love her but it's too late, she doesn't love me anymore. Girl: I love him still but I should move on. =(

1005. I always dream, I tend to be happy, but my dreams won't fit my eyes, that's why they fell and became tears, because you are the dream that is out of my reach.

1006. I just wanna let you know that you are my only special friend. The rest are normal! Hahaha!

1007. Every nice friend is a glimpse of God. It is one of life's best blessings, a priceless gift that can never be bought, sold or forgotten. Good morning!

1008. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Good morning!

1009. Morning thought: Contentment is not always the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how blessed you are for what you already have. Good morning and God bless!

1010. I can't be a dummy if I know deep within me I'm real. Yet, some people may misunderstood me, and don't even bother to take a simple glimpse of my worth. But this is what I want to say... What you see is what you get. Judge me? Well, it depends on what you see but knowing me? It is your creativity to look deeper, peel whatever cover you could see, because deep within me is what makes me human. Not perfect, just the real one.

1011. Words of a student to live by: "Whenever I feel like studying, I lie down until the feeling is gone." Yeah!

1012. You know what happiness is? It's waking up in the middle of the night, shifting blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and you see that person in his/her most innocent state. You smile, kiss the face gently so as not to awake that person. You turn around and a grin forms on your face. Then, you feel an arm wrapped around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this. :)

1013. Loving is not what we see but what we feel, not how we listen but how we understand, not how we forget but how we forgive. Loving is holding on even when the pain dares you to let go.

1014. 1986 was a year of revolutions. It was the year when our people kicked out a dictatorship that stifled our freedom. It was the year the first lady president stepped into power. And it was the year when the Filipino people heard the powerful voice of Regine Velasquez!

1015. Take 60 seconds and pass this on to those you want God to bless, and don't forget to send it back to the one who asked God to bless you first. Father, God, bless all my friends and family in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day. May their life be full of Your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with You. Amen.

1016. The Israelites saw Goliath and said, "He is so big, we cannot win." David saw Goliath and said, "He is so big, I cannot miss!" Life is a matter of perspective. Good night!

1017. We can love someone and just be happy about it even if we know that it cannot last forever. It is not about having someone. It is not about owning a relationship, it is just about being happy because you know you have loved someone. There is a purpose and meaning behind all events and this purpose and meanings develop you as a person and a lover. Whatever relationship you have in your life now, they are precisely the ones you need at this moment.

1018. The night is designed to end the worries and fears of the day, it signifies to leave it all to God and prepare for another day to come. Have a peaceful night and a blessed tomorrow!

1019. Friendship is an investment! It gives you security, happiness, trust, love and care. Thanks for depositing this to me without even asking for any interest! Please, don't withdraw!

1020. When you hold someone, hold them like it's the last time you will ever see them and when they go, don't make reasons for them to stay... only reasons for them to return.

1021. True wealth is not a matter of bank accounts and assets. It's in the values we live and share as well as the persons we keep in touch with and care. Good night!

1022. The word "Good morning!" doesn't really mean "Gising na!" But it's a fact one of the silly way of saying I've been thinking of you everytime I wake up. Good morning!

1023. Kinds of perfume for women: teener - Cool Water. lady - Giorgio Armani. newly wed - Bulgari. married - Sweet Honesty. spinster - Green Cross. old lady - Albatross.

1024. Lagi kitang kinukumusta, tinatanong kung ok ka. Inaalala kahit malayo ka, pero pinakagusto kong sabihin, "Sana, kasama kita para masaya." Kasi, alam mo, "Iba kapag andito ka!" I miss you!

1025. Sagutin mo ito ha. Kung mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, maaayos mo itong letters na ito in 3 words. "ETYEFSUEOR" Kapag hindi mo nasagot, means, hindi ka marunong magmahal. Hintayin ko ang sagot ha! Note: Answer is "SET YOU FREE"



1026. Kapag may bagay na mawawala sa akin, pwedeng huwag ikaw? Kung may taong lalayo sa akin, sana, hindi ikaw. Kung may taong makakasama ako habambuhay, favor naman o. Pwede, ikaw na lang?

1027. Kinatok mo ang puso ko, pinatuloy kita. Pero tumigil ka sa pinto, nag-isip ka pa yata! Tanong ko lang, tutuloy ka pa ba? Kasi, hindi na ako magpapapasok pa ng iba kapag nasa loob ka na.

1028. Araw-araw, ang daming problema! Tumingin ako sa langit at sumigaw, "Sana, mamatay na lang ako!" Eh nakita kita, may dalang Red Horse! Sumigaw ulit ako, "Lord, joke lang po! Mag-iinuman muna kami..."

1029. Bunso: Huhuhuhuhu! Inay: Bakit umiiyak ang kapatid mo? Ate: Ewan ko sa kanya, hinog na nga ang ibinigay ko sa kanya, sa akin, hilaw, iiyak pa! Inay: Bakit, ano palang kinain nyo? Ate: Sili.

1030. Nanay: Lakas mong kumain ah, kapal talaga ng mukha mo! Bwisit! Anak: Inay naman! E kung yung baboy, kumain, tuwang tuwa pa kayo! Sino ba talaga ang anak nyo, ako, o yung baboy?

1031. Lalake, nahulog sa septic tank, sumigaw, "Sunog! Sunog!" Dumating ang bumbero, naligtas sya. Tinanong sya, "Bakit sunog ang isinigaw mo?" Lalake: Kung ebak ba, pupunta ba kayo dito?

1032. Songs of married couple: First night: Aray naku! 1-5 years: Araw-araw, gabi-gabi! 6-15 years: Paminsan-minsan. 16-25 years: Sana Kahit Minsan. 26-49 years: Gaano Kadalas ang Minsan? 50 up: Maalaala Mo Kaya?

1033. Anak: Inay, nung nasa bus kami ni papa, sabi nya, bigay ko inuupuan ko sa dalagang sumakay. Inay: Tama yun anak. Anak: Pero inay, nakakandong lang ako kay papa nun!

1034. Learn Japanese. Is this your underwear? - Jakimoto? Speechless - Wasabhe. What are your thoughts? - Kurokuromo? Are you a regular customer? - Sukikaba?

1035. Pasyente: Dok, bakit kapag nanonood ako ng x-rated, nagkukulay orange ang t*ti ko? Dok: (inexamine) Kapag manonood ka ulit ng x-rated, huwag kang kakain ng Chiz Curls.

1036. Masarap daw mag-asawa ng Canadian. Kasi, pwede mong sabihing maglaba canadian. magsaing canadian. linis canadian. punas canadian. O ano? Ok canadian? Smile canadian.

1037. Anak: Tay, bili tayo ng bebelgam. Tatay: Tanga! Hindi bebelgam yun, bubble gum! Anak: Whatever, pahingi ng barya tay. Tatay: Kunin mo dun sa corn first ko! =)

1038. Lani Misalucha : Asia's Nightingale. Regine Velasquez : Asia's Song Bird. Christian Bautista : Hearthrob of Asia. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo : Mole of Asia!

1039. Ang hangin, kahit saan pwedeng pumunta, pwedeng madama at pwedeng makasama. Samantalang ako, nandito, mag-isa habang iniisip ka. Sana, hangin na lang ako para sa mga oras na ito, magulo ko ang buhok mo! hehehe

1040. Gusto mo ngang magmahal, wala namang dumarating. May darating nga, sasaktan ka lang naman, bakit kaya ganun? Samantalang yung iba, kahit mukhang paa, tatlo-tatlo ang syota, nangangarir pa!

1041. Ching chang chung shang tian li yao lai! Mo yang shang hai la? Piao xi moi pai poi la tang siang, tiao que, bo cho lo ke. Hayaaaaah! - Jackie Chan from the movie Pink Dragon and the Shaolin Sisters.

1042. Bakla: Papa, finger mo naman ako sa pwet. Bf: Ok! Bakla: Deeper, papa! Bf: Uhm! (inserts whole hand and pulls out a Rolex) Ano ito?! Bakla: Surprise! Happy birthday!

1043. Sa tuwing nagtetext ka, natatanggap ko naman!

1044. A girl was on the way to the dorm. She's the only remaining passenger on the jeep. She had taken this route many times before, so she was surprised when the driver suddenly changed his course. Alarmed, she told the driver she's off to the dorm. After few minutes, they returned to the original route and the driver dropped her off the dorm, but before letting her, he gave her few words of advice. "Ineng, pag uwi mo, hubarin mo agad yung damit mo at kung pwede, sunugin mo agad. Iniba ko yung ruta para makaiwas sa disgrasya. Kanina kasi, pagtingin ko sa salamin, wala kang ulo!" Happy Halloween!

1045. From: 0919789***0. Message: Hi, I'm Lara. 5'4" ang height, long hair, maputi at duguan ang mata. Kamamatay ko lang kanina. Kapag hindi mo ito ipinasa sa 15 tao, makikita mo ako mamayang 3AM, nakatabi sa iyo! Happy Halloween!

1046. Iiyak ka ba kapag namatay ako? Papatak ba ang luha mo dahil wala na ako. Mamimiss mo kaya ang mga kakulitan ko? O kasabay ng libing ko, pasimple ka lang magtatago ng tinapay at Zest-O?!

1047. God gave me a gift wrapped in a glittering gold. So much to my delight, I opened it and found you! Si Lord talaga, October pa lang, pang halloween na yung gift!

1048. There is a group of students in a laboratory, each is holding a bottle of aborted fetus. One of them got her phone ringing and it was her dad. The girl ran screaming outside the lab. Why? Her dad on the other line said, "Asan ka ba? Bakit ang ingay, puro batang umiiyak!" Good night! Happy Halloween!

1049. One Sunday, a guy plan to go to church to pray for his girlfriend that died a week ago. That church was where both of them attended mass together. While walking for the entrance of the church, the guy suddenly felt weak, the more he gets further inside, the heavier his body become. As the mass ended, the guy was approached by a flower vendor and asked him, "Sir ang sweet mo naman." He asked, "Bakit mo nasabi?" "Kasi, pinasan mo pa ang girlfriend mo papasok ng simbahan." Happy Halloween!

1050. May bagong commercial daw si Efren Reyes ngayon. Ang product nya, bagong toothpaste!

.

951. If you find yourself in love with someone else who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just did not choose to rest in the other person's heart. Let it go. There's a reason and a meaning. You will know in time.

952. Be patient when God does not give you what you want. He knows the best time for you to have it. Just remember that you can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.

953. Friendship is like the relation between the hand and eyes. When the hand gets hurt, the eye cries and when the eye cries, the hand wipes its tears.

954. Try holding a handful of sand too tightly and you end up holding almost none. The same is true in life. You can't have everything.

955. I used to think that when God gave us friends, He was very fair. Until the day you became my friend - that's when I knew I was getting more than my share. ;)

956. In life, if you expect everything, anything may seem nothing. If you expect nothing, anything seems everything. Enjoy what you have. You'll be happy.

957. Don't rush into falling in love, for love never runs out. Even if they mock you because you are single, just tell them this: "God is just busy writing the best love story that will swipe me off my feet!"

958. A simple text means I care enough to flex a few muscles, search your name, wait for "Message Sent" then think of you and smile as I say, "Sarap ng may kaibigan!"

959. Our friendship means a lot to me, that if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I promise, I'll miss you.

960. Kapag may kaaway ka, kahit sobrang dami pa nila, kahit mas malaki pa sila sa akin, tawagin mo ako at babalikan natin sila. Hihingi tayo ng sorry. =)

961. In the beginning, God created the world in 6 days. Then, he rested on the 7th day. Then, a stupid moron created a school. From then on, pucha! Nobody rested.

962. Love changes you. The way you act, the way you think, the way you decide. Sometimes, you even go against your principles and beliefs in life. Loving doesn't always mean you'll be happy. But you will soon realize that it is better if the person you love would be happy with someone else, than lonely with you. That's what you call sacrifice.

963. If I could choose a dream for you, it would be the kind of dream you deserve. A dream that someday, you'll find that special person who will make your life complete.

964. A man cornered by a lion prayed, "Lord, make this lion a Christian." The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed, "Bless this food which I'm about to receive thru Christ our Lord. Amen."

965. Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)

966. If I were your exponent, I will give you powers. If I were your variable, I will give you solutions. But I'm only a friend to subtract your worries, add joy, divide grief and multiply your happiness!

967. The right guy isn't the one that flirts outrageously with you. It's the one that stands in the background and catches you when you fall.

968. Thought for women to keep: Men are not stupid. You do not need a complicated set of rules to find a good man who loves you. Here is the only thing you need to know, "If a man loves you, he will do anything to keep you around. ANYTHING..."

969. Quotes from Smallville: "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved." "Ironic: The one you loved the most is the one who can hurt you the most."

970. The paradox of life: Everybody wants to live a long life but nobody wants to get old. Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. And nobody seems to realize that in our life's journey, no one has ever reached the finish line alive. Enjoy your journey called life. Good night!

971. You aren't gonna be his last, his first, nor his only. He loved before, he will love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He is not perfect, you are not either. If he can make you laugh and he admits to being human and making mistakes, be with him. He's not gonna be thinking of you every moment of the day, but he will give you a part that he knows you can break his heart. So, don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy because perfect guys don't exist.

972. Kung talagang para sa iyo ang isang tao, mawala man sya sa iyo ng mahabang panahon, magkikita pa rin kayo. Kapag tama na ang mali at pwede na ang hindi. Kayo talaga sa huli.

973. Sa lahat lahat at sa dinami-rami ng taong nakilala ko... isa ka dun! :)

974. Goliat: Pareng Teban, nanalo ka raw sa raffle, isang sakong bigas. Eh, bakit lukot yang mukha mo? Teban: Nanalo nga pero isinaing na pagtanggap ko. Tulungan mo akong ubusin ito ha?!

975. Sa prusisyon. Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose, mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod? Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!



976. Naniniwala ka ba na kapag malaki ang su... malaki din ang pek...? Totoo naman, di ba? Syempre, kapag malaki ang sugat, malaki din ang peklat! =)

977. Exercise daily keeps your body healthy. Like my lola, she was 75 when started walking 5 miles a day. Now she's 98, and until now, hindi pa umuuwi. Wala ba dyan?

978. Doctor: Bukod sa akin, may nauna ka bang kinunsulta sa sakit mo? Pasyente: Sa albularyo ho. Doctor: Anong katarantaduhan ang ipinayo sa iyo? Pasyente: Magpunta daw ako sa inyo!

979. If you're upset with someone, put yourself in his shoes and walk a mile. So, when he gets mad, you're a mile away na, you have his shoes pa!

980. Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empunto! Maid: walang problema donya. Kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag almusal!

981. Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin? Anak: Mas bobo si tatay 'nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "Tama na Inday, hanggang tatlo lang ang kaya ko."

982. Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na. FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga.) Oo pare, hinog na. Erap: Sige, baba ka na at sungkitin natin.

983. Tumatakbo si Erap galing computer room na sinusundan ng staff: "Sir, bakit ka tumatakbo?" Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer 'press Ctrl then Escape'.

984. Misis: Sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako? Mister: Kung titingnan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.

985. Warning: Children playing outside the car can cause accident. Adults playing inside the car can cause children!!!!

986. "Asawa" 1st year masaya. After 5 years tanggalin ang A, "sawa na". After 10 years tanggalin ang S, "awa na lang". Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A, "wa na!"

987. Perfect Heaven: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy wife! Perfect Hell: Having Korean car, British wife, German food, American home and Pinoy salary!

988. Man: Love, nawawala yung singsing na ibinigay mo sa akin. Wife: Maniac ka kasi, kung saan-saan mo ipinapasok yang daliri mo. Hayan o, nalaglag kanina pag-ihi ni Inday!

989. May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante. Biglang hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng daga? Daga: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama! Dahil hindi makapaniwala ang elepante, dinala niya ang daga sa doktor. Tuwang tuwa ang elepante at masayang ibinulong ang resulta ng ultrasound. Biglang hinimatay ang daga. Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante? Elepante: Ako nga ang ama, at elepante ang anak natin, kambal!

990. Bakit hindi pwedeng magswimming ng sabay-sabay ang mga kalbo sa jacuzzi? Kasi, magmumukha silang fishballs! Tusok na!

991. Ang araw ay sisikat kahit hindi mo utusan. Ang hangin ay iihip kahit hindi mo hilingin. At ang puso ay titibok kahit hindi mo pilitin. Pero ang pinakamatindi ay kapag may LBM ka! Lalabas ang ebs kahit gaano mo pigilin!

992. Girlfriend: Mahal, ihatid mo ako. Boyfriend: Hindi pwede babe. Wala akong pera. Naoperahan ang lola ko, may sakit ang kapatid ko. Wala pang ipinapadala si mommy galing Japan. Girlfriend: Ayaw mo? Hindi ka makakascore sa akin, tandaan mo yan! Boyfriend: Ahahaha! Aba'y tingnan mo nga naman. May naipit pala na P500 sa bulsa ko! Tara babe, taxi tayo!

993. Minsan, naglalakad ako, nag-iisa. Lumingon ako sa kanan, wala akong nakita. Lumingon ako sa kaliwa, wala rin akong nakita. Kaya ayun, tumawid na ako! =)

994. Bata: Takot ako bunot ipin. Dentist: Huwag matakot. Bibigyan kita ng gamot, pampatapang. (Ininom ang gamot.) Dentist: O, matapang ka na? Bata: Tang ina, sino gagalaw ipin ko, babasagin ko bungo!

995. Those who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. Pucha! Inom lang ng inom! Pupulikatin din yang sorrow na yan! =)

996. Sigaw ng nirerape na babae, "Tulong, tulong!" Rapist: Huwag ka nang humingi ng tulong, kaya ko itong mag-isa!

997. Teacher: Ano ang pangalan ng pinakamalakas na bagyo? Juan: Tukso po. Teacher: Bakit Tukso? Juan: Kasi, kayrami nang winasak na tahanan, kayrami nang matang pinaluha at kayrami nang pusong sinugatan.

998. Sa kumpisalan. Sexy: Father, kasalanan ba ang hindi pagsusuot ng panty? Father: Oo! Sexy: Paano po yan? Wala akong suot na panty ngayon. Father: Magtambling ka ng 10x papuntang altar!

999. IDD call from Saudi. Husband: Hon, kumusta ang tindahan? Wife: Department store na! Husband: Ang beer house? Wife: KTV Bar na! Husband: Yung tricycle? Wife: Taxi na! Husband: Eh ang 2 nating anak? Wife: Lima na!

1000. "Ya Ye Yi Yo Yu" Ya: Sosyal na yes. Ye: Lasing na yes. Yi: Bisayang yes. Yo: Hip-hop na yes. Yu: One of the best people I've ever known. God bless!

.

901. It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”

902. My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”

903. Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”

904. In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”

905. I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)

906. My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”

907. A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”

0508. While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”

909. My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”

910. I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”

911. Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”

912. An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”

913. I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”

914. I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”

915. An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”

916. I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”

917. When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”

918. We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.

919. A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”

920. A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

921. A nice philosophy in life: “Everything always ends up alright, If things are not alright, then it’s not yet the end”

922. DIVORCE VS. MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! “The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

923. THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
The family is sitting at the dinner table.The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.??

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, “Mom, how many types of “willies” are there?
“The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it’s like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree??”
Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

924.Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife:
“Notice anything different about me?’”
Margaret looks him over, “Nope” she says.
Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looks up and says, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.
“Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’” ‘Nope’, she replies.
Bert Yells ‘CAUSE IT’S LOOKIN’ AT MY NEW BOOTS”

To which Margaret replies… “Should have bought a hat, Bert, Should have bought a hat.”

925. 10 Conyo-mandments
by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”.
ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in Andrew pa, you
know?”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.
ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so
eew, diba?”
“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”
“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang-uri!”
ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”
ex. “Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. “My bag is so bigat today, you know”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book
eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish .
ex. “I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. “Like, it’s so init naman!”
“Yah! The aircon, it’s, like sira!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your
sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. “Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?”
ex. “Like, OMG! It’s like traffic sa LRT”
“I know right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full
effect!
ex. “I’m, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”

926. God has a perfect plan for our lives. He never does it all at once… just step by step… He wants to teach us to walk by faith not by sight

927. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

928. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. Often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one opens for us.

929. Happiness often sneaks through a door you didn’t know you left open because every exit is an entrance to another phase of life.

930. God sometimes delays his help to test our faith and energize our prayers. Our boat may be tossed by the waves while He sleeps but He wakes up before it sinks.

931. Great opportunities may come once in a lifetime, but small opportunities surround us every day. We are often challenged to do ‘great things’ for God. Actually, God is more pleased when we do small things for him out of loving obedience. They may be unnoticed by others, but God notices them and considers them acts of worship. (Rick Warren)..>Good Morning

932. Hardships in life are existing to test how far we can stand them. Never give up! They are the shadows which will remold us to become stronger than we used to be.

933. Many people have scars caused by people’s words. If that has happened to you, there’s another voice you should hear. The Lord’s words are stronger than anyone else’s. He has words of love and life, words of affirmation. “I have loved you with an everlasting love,” says the Father. God loves you so much, and He desires a deep and delightful relationship with you. Don’t be discouraged by the words of other. You are special in God’s eyes. – David Jeremiah. Good Morning and God bless!!!

934. When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound; rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal – Napoleon Hill

935. The biggest blessing in our lives is simply the presence of people who care much, whose love is for real, and see us much beyond ourselves.

936. It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are – Roy Disney

937. Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to – George Seaton

938. Life is a road full of twists and turns. Learn to enjoy the ride no matter how bumpy it is. For every twist and turn, a blessing is always given in return.

939. In three words I can sum up I learned about life, “it goes on” – Robert Frost

940. Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars – Henry Van Dyke

941. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. – Albert Camus

942. If nature were not beautiful, it would not be worth knowing, and if nature were not worth knowing, life would not be worth living. – Henri POincare

943. Forget about consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success.

944. Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, The blueprints of your ultimate achievements.

945. All of the things in life change. I happens with valid reasons. So, if you doubt why is happens to you, stick to this… “We can never learn to be brave and to be patient if there is only joy in the world”

946. Bakit ang tao pag love mo, iiwan ka. pag naman iniwan mo mamahalin ka.pag love mo syang talaga,may love nmng iba, bakit ganun,magulo? tulad mo

947. Biniro kita, ginago mo ko. Nasaktan kita, tinarantado mo ko. Sa lahat ng ginawa ko, mas matindi ang ganti mo. Kaya ngayon, tanong ko lang. Bakit di mo pinantayan ang ginawa ko nung mahalin kita ng todo-todo?

948. Palagay mo ba madali para sa akin ang hindi ka alalahanin, isipin, at kalimutan ka na ng ganun ganun lng…sa tingin mo nakakahinga ako ng maluwag? huh?! di madali ang buhay ko kung namimiss kita!!

949. Ang hangin kahit saan pwede pumunta, pwede madama, at pwede mo makasama…Samantala ako nandito mag isa habang iniisip ka. Sana hangin na lang ako para sa mga oras na ito…Magkasama tayo…

950. Minsan may bumatok sa’kin sabay sabi, “Matauhan ka nga! Hindi ka n’ya mahal at ‘di na mamahalin pa!” Nasabi ko na lang…”So, dapat talaga may batok?!”

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901. I can't be that kind of person others want me to be. I know I can't please everybody for just being me, but I'm glad that there's someone like you who stays beside me, ready to accept whoever the hell I may be! =)

902. They say the world will end soon. They may be right but they could also be wrong. But whatever fate the world may have, I won't allow it to end without telling you, "I'm glad you came along."

903. A true friend is like the best book, sometimes, the cover may not be so elegant but the contents are like bars of gold that you can treasure for a lifetime. Take care!

904. Just read and think. A doll was given to a little girl and she liked it a lot. As time passed by, the doll became dirty and old. The girl's birthday came and she received a new doll to play with. So she threw the old doll and played with the new one. After a few weeks, the new doll started to break. She suddenly realized that the old doll was better. Now, she can never find the old doll. And she had no doll to play with anymore. Who do you think suffered much pain? Yung naglaro o yung pinaglaruan? =)

905. A faithful husband was drunk, he didn't know what was happening around him. Upon going home, he directly entered the room and slept. When morning came, he was amazed. Everything is in order, tablet of aspirin and a glass of water with a note, "Good morning hon, I'll just buy groceries for our dinner! Have your breakfast! Luv u!" He was wondering why was that so, eventhough he was drunk last night. He asked his son, "What happened last night? Why is this so? Your mom should be angry." Son replied, "Mom tried to uncloth you, but you said, 'Stop! I'm married.'"

906. How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move! =)

907. A cardiologist died and was put in a heart shaped coffin. Another doctor laughed when he saw it, he was asked why and he said, "I'm just thinking about me, I'm a gynecologist."

908. A kid asked a priest: "Father, besides praying, do you have any other enjoyable past time?" The priest tapped the kid's cheek and calmly replied, "Nun, my child, nun."

909. People may be unkind, just be kind. They may cheat you, just be honest. They may forget your good deeds, just do good. In the end, it's between you and God, not you and them. Good evening!

910. Never let go of anyone that you couldn't go a day without thinking about. There just might be a very good reason why they're always on your mind. Sometimes, it's the brain that knows too well what the heart tries so hard to deny.

911. We bridge distance with text messages. Still we know it fails to fill the space but I hope ours isn't just an exchange of text messages. It's keeping friendship alive.

912. Once there was a mirror who kills anyone who lie. FVR: I think, I don't smoke. (Killed) Cory: I think, I hate yellow. (Killed) GMA: I think, I'm tall. (Killed) Erap: I think (Killed).

913. Brain stuffs. Husband: I heard that fish is a brain food. Wife: You better eat a whale. *** Student: I heard that fish is a brain food. Room mate: Yeah, I eat it all the time. Student: Well, there goes another theory. *** Husband: How long can a man live without brains? Wife: I don't know. How old are you? *** Father: Don't you think our son gets all his brains from me? Mother: Maybe, I still have all mine. *** Don: She's a bright girl. She has brains enough for two. Art: Then, she's just the girl for you.

914. Job interview. Boss: Why should we hire you? Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay. Boss: English please. Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!

915. Ang pagtext ng walang humpay, pambubulabog nang walang sablay, pang-aasar na walang kapantay, mga mensaheng walang saysay, sa Globe, posible!

916. Ano ang sabi ng panda sa photographer? Dude, ayoko ng black and white ha!

917. Huwag kang maging makasarili. Huwag ka ding maging plastik. Kung kailangan mo ng kausap, dito lang ako, takbuhan mo ako at tatakbuhan din kita. Habulan tayo para masaya!

918. Habang binabasa mo ito, alam kong gising ka na! Kasi, paano mo ito mababasa kung tulog ka pa? Gandang umaga! Ingat!

919. Erap returns book to the library, bangs it on the table and says, "Too many characters, no story at all!" Librarian: Ah! Kayo po pala ang kumuha ng telephone directory namin!

920. Ang pagmamahal ay hindi inaasahan, dumarating ng biglaan. Magugulat ka na lang minsan, kapag bumili ka sa tindahan, 1.50 na pala ang isang Boy Bawang! Ang bilis magmahal!

921. Tagalog: Friend, ano ba ang difference ng opinion sa conclusion? Bisaya: Ang tanga mo naman! Papasok ka sa pinto kung opin-yun. Pero con-clus-yon, hindi pwedeng pumasok!

922. Wife: Hon, sino si Trixie? Husband: Ah, kabayo yun! Yung pinustahan ko sa karera. Wife: Ah, ganon? Sige, animal ka! Sagutin mo yung telepono. Tumatawag yung kabayo!

923. Guy1: Papalitan ko na ang name ko. Guy2: Bakit, ano bang pangalan mo? Guy1: Joseph Putingtae! Guy2: Ang pangit nga! Ano naman ang ipapalit mo? Guy1: Ricky Putingtae!

924. Anak: Inay, ano yung 10 commandments? Ina: Iyon ang 10 utos ng Diyos. Anak: Mas mataas po pala kayo sa Diyos. Ina: Bakit? Anak: Mas marami kang utos eh!

925. When I say "Good morning!", it means isip kita. When I say "Ingat ka", it means I pray for your safety. And when I say "Ang cute mo!" it means antok pa ako. Good morning!



926. Maraming humihingi ng puso ko, lahat sila, siguradong mahal ako. Pero kahit ganun, ayoko pa ring ibigay. Kasi, Ikaw.... Ikaw ba naman ang mawalan ng puso, hindi ka kaya mamatay? =)

927. Teacher: Juan, read your 500 words essay to your classmates. Juan: Ok, ma'am! My miming. Bow! I have a miming! My miming is lost. So, I went outside the house and look for my miming! ming! (478x!)

928. Kapag iniwan ka ng taong mahal mo, sabihin mo... PASALUBONG!!

929. Di ba, mahirap kapag may sakit ka? Hindi ka makakain, hirap lumunok. Tapos sasabihin pa ng nanay mo, "Sige na anak, kumain ka na, kahit tatlong kutsara lang." Pagkain nga, ang hirap lunukin, kutsara pa kaya?!

930. When moon and stars at night are gone, and the sun is nowhere to be found at day, there could only be one reason for that. Andun na kay Lumen! Sinungkit na lahat ni Lando!

931. The time I saw you, I admit I can't resist to look at your face. The eyes, cheeks, almost everything seem perfect. Then I said to myself, "Walang duda, si Bakekang ito!"

932. Last night, my pillow saw me sad. He asked, "Why are you crying? Why are those tears falling on me?" Know what I did? Syempre, tumakbo ako! Ikaw kaya ang kausapin ng unan?! English pa!

933. Tatay: Juan, mag-aral ka ha! Juan: Ayoko tay, bobo kasi ako. Hindi ako makaintindi. Tatay: Mag-aral ka nga para makaintindi ka! Juan: Ayoko nga tay! Bakit hindi ka makaintindi? Bobo ka rin ba tay?!

934. Isang lola ang naholdap. Lola: Wala akong pera! Holdaper: Alam ko kung nasaan ang pera mo! (sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni lola) Lola: Ituloy mo iho, may tseke pa sa ibaba!

935. If you see your boyfriend flirting with someone, lapitan mo sya, hilahin at pagpagin mo ang damit nya. Sabay sabi, "Ano ba naman? Malaki ka na, naglalaro ka pa rin ng basura? You know naman di ba? Dirty yan!"

936. Kung dumating ang oras na madilim ang iyong tinatahak na daan at parang wala ka nang makitang sikat ng araw sa iyong buhay, sigurado, gabi na! Good night!

937. Kung gusto mo sya, pero hindi mo masabi, huwag kang matakot. Harapin mo sya, tingnan mo sya sa mata at sabihin mo, "Someday, matitikman din kita! Rarrr!"

938. They say the early bird catches the worm. Sila na lang, hindi naman tayo kumakain ng worm noh? Tulog tayo ulit. Bangon na lang tayo kapag chicken na ang ulam. Good morning!

939. ... Nakikita mo ba yang 3 tuldok na yan?! Mabuti naman! =)

940. We were born beautiful... Some were just born! Devah! hehehe.

941. Bakit ang lamok, hindi naman inaano, nangangagat? Napakayabang! =(

942. It is not who I am underneath, it is what I do that defines me. - Batman. Iniisip nila ay hindi mahalaga, mahal kita maging sino ka man. - Robin. Good night! - Kukote.

943. Funny things about love: You are trying to forget someone kahit hindi mo kaya. Nagmamahal ka nang hindi nya alam. Seryoso sabay loko. Idedelete mo ang number nya, memorize mo naman! Hindi mo mahal pero iniisip mo. Wala kang paki, pero kung mag-alala ka, sobra-sobra. Habang binabasa mo ito, ngumingiti ka, nagkataon lang ba o gawain mo talaga?

944. Importante ang susunod mong mababasa... IMPORTANTE.

945. Daughter: Ma, vegetable po ba ang talong o hayop? Mom: Of course, vegetable. Why? Daughter: Eh why the secretary always says, "Hayop talaga ang talong mo sir!"

946. Nakakita ka na ba ng white lady sa Balete? O matusok ng ice pick sa paglakad sa Tondo? Nakapick-up ka na ba ng prosti sa Quezon Avenue? Napagtripan ng TBS sa Sampaloc? O maparambol sa Sta. Ana? Nadukutan ka na ba sa Divisoria? O naisnatchan ng bag sa Letre? Naholdup ka na ba sa Recto? O maagawan ng cellphone sa Monumento? Tara na! Byahe tayo! Nang ating makita ang ganda ng Pilipinas at galing ng Pilipino!

947. If you are an animal, what would you be? A rabbit or a snail? Rabbits are the most sexually active animals and can have sex many times in a day. Snails live 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but the orgasm lasts for 18 hours. Would you go for quantity or quality? Ahehehe, choosy ka pa?!

948. Ang pag-aaral, parang beer. Mapait sa simula pero masarap kapag nasanay ka na. Masakit sa ulo at nakakaantok. Ang pagkakaiba lang, mas mura ang beer. Kaya bakit pa tayo mag-aaral? Inuman na lang!

949. Masaya kapag maraming friends! Tawanan, kantsawan, gimik, trippings. Saya, di ba? Minsan nga, naiisip ko, bakit kailangan pang magboyfriend e nandyan naman kayo? Walang cool-off. Walang split! Yun nga lang, walang ka-sex! hehehe.

950. Kapag cute ang friend ko, hindi ko nalilimutan ang pangalan nya! Promise, hindi talaga. Parang ikaw! Hindi ko nakakalimutan ang pangalan mo, kasi cute ka! Tama ba ako? Richard!

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861. If two hearts are meant to be friends, no matter how long it takes, how far they go, how tough it seems, God will bring them together to share friendship forever! Nice morning!

862. God gives us a loving spirit so we can be better persons; not just gifted with a mind that understands but with a heart that truly cares. Good morning!

863. Life is hard but He provides. Life is unpredictable but He guides. Life is unfair but He cares. Life is always a challenge but He watches over us. Good evening!

864. When your life goes wrong, don't waste your time looking back at what you've lost for the road of life was not meant to be travelled backwards, just move on and say, "I'm with God, I will get through."

865. Blind folded and walking alone, that's what most of us feel. In a lifetime full of major risks and decisions, it might seem safer to remain stagnant. But isn't it more fulfilling if despite the fear of falling from a cliff and bruised knees, steps were taken? In the end, losing and mistakes won't count. What matters most is the person we turned out to be. Not naive, but wise and beautifully molded by experiences. Good evening.

866. Rain. Friends. Smiles. Work. Dreams. Sunshine. Wind. Joy. Blue sky. Tears. Words. Reasons. People. Family. Life. You. Just counting my blessings! Good evening!

867. What is the secret of success? "Right Decisions" How do you make right decisions? "Experience" How do you get experience? "Wrong Decisions" =)

868. I'm a person easily overwhelmed by the wonders this world can give. But I would leave all these just to laugh my heart out over cups of coffee on lazy days like this with someone like you! Good morning!

869. Rowing hard doesn't help if the boat is heading the wrong direction. Entrust your life to God and let Him steer it according to His plan and purpose.

870. Lord, when I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing, help me remember that Your love is always greater than my disappointments and Your plans for my life is always better than my dreams.

871. If you're falling for someone pero natatakot kang masaktan, makinig ka. If you're into it, why not? Huwag mong isipin kung saan ka babagsak, malay mo, yung makasalo sa iyo ay yung taong para sa iyo talaga!

872. Kapag masaya ka, masaya rin ako! Kapag bad trip ka, bad trip din ako! Kapag malungkot ka, malungkot din ako! Kapag nasasaktan ka, nasasaktan din ako! Bakit?! Wala lang! Coincidence.

873. I opened the door of your heart and saw that it was full, so full! I couldn't enter anymore. I closed the door and stood outside thinking, "Ang daming pangit, nakakaOP!" =)

874. Erap at Starbucks. Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga! Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba? Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup! Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!

875. Mommy: Ang anak ko? Gifted child ito noh? Sige nga anak, i-prove mo sa kanila. 5268 + 982 + 7605 + 863. What is the sum? Child: The sum is... the center of the solar system! =)

876. Quote for the day: "Kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanya!"

877. A sad love story. Bf: Huhuhu! Gf: Huhu! Bf: Huhu Huhu! Gf: Huhuhuhu! Bf: Hu hu huhuhu! Gf: Huhu hu! Bf: Huhuhuhuhu! Gf: huhu Bf: Huhuhu! Gf: Huhu! How sad! =(

878. Boy-1: Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish. Boy-2: What is more important, heart or mind? Boy-1: Spanish.

879. A Chinese caught his wife and her lover in 69 position. The Chinese poked a gun at the man and said, "Kaya pala wala ako anak, ako lagay sperm, ikaw sipsip!" Ewww!

880. Thought of the day: "Lahat ng problema, may solusyon. Kapag walang solusyon, huwag mo nang problemahin." =)



881. The word "miss" is also part of the word "love". So, when someone says, "I miss you!" it also means that they love you! Now, why did I text you? Simply because... may load ako.

882. "Alam mo, balang araw, magiging presidente yang si mayor. Itataya ko itong p*ki ko!" - Cherry Pie Picache in Twilight Dancers.

883. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, fattening, or taken na! Parang wala nang choice kundi magkasala! Hehehe.

884. Punyeta ka! Pengeng french fries!!! Show this at any McDonald's branch and get a free regular french fries. Promo ends till Dec 31, 2006 per DTI NCR permit # 100303.

885. Sino ang dapat gumanap na Bakekang? Si Sunshine Dizon ba? O si Mike Enriquez??

886. Students talking. FEU: Your tuition, it's just my allowance for a week. La Salle: Your tuition is just my allowance for a day. UP: Yeah! Pero final exam nyo, seatwork lang namin!

887. Hirap ng buhay! Husband: Ano ang almusal natin? Wife: Nasa mesa. Bahala ka nang pumili! Husband: Isang tuyo?! Anong pagpipilian ko? Wife: Mamili ka, "Meal or No Meal"!!!

888. Some say that as women grow older, they begin to live a PIOUS life. Pa'yos ng eyes. Pa'yos ng nose. Pa'yos ng face. Pa'yos ng boobs. Pa'yos ng bilbil. Ayos na ang lahat!

889. Masarap daw umibig. May honey, sweetie, gummy bears, cupcake, sugar at marshmallows pa! Hmm... masarap pala! Bakit may umiiyak pa?! Ahh.. siguro kasi, sumakit ang ngipin nila!

890. A toy, a leaf. A toy, a leaf... A toy a leafin mo kahit hindi batid. Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid!

891. Inside motel after sex, iyak si babae. Man: Huwag kang umiyak, pupunta tayo sa inyo, pakakasalan kita. Woman: Paano kung hindi pumayag ang mister ko?

892. Teenager: Lola, pupunta lang kami sa tipar. Lola: Anong tipar? Teenager: Party! Lola: Puro salitang kalye ang alam nyo! Mga P.S. kayo! Teenager: Anong P.S. lola? Lola: Pakin Shet! =)

893. Sa probinsya. Bisita: Tatang, naiinom po ba yung tubig dito? Tatang: Nasa iyo yan anak, kung gusto mong nguyain. May point sya! Hahaha!

894. Live fully, have fun, be crazy, be weird, go out and syempre, manlalaki! Don't try to be perfect, just be an excellent example of being maganda! Go dioza!

895. Lasing: Ipako ang mga bakla! Bakla: Takbo mga sister, takbo! Lasing: Ang gagamiting pako ay t*ti! Bakla: Balik mga sister! P*tang ina! Balik!!!

896. Love story ng pokpok at addict. Adik: Will you marry me? Pokpok: Oo, pero ok lang ba sa iyo kahit meron akong past? Adik: Oo, ok lang! Wala naman akong future eh! Hehehe.

897. Sa pag-ibig, lahat tayo, may diskarte. Yung iba, words. Yung iba, actions. Eh ikaw, anong diskarte mo? Basta ako, "Atras si Kris, abante ako!!!"

898. Want to hear a fairy tale? Once upon a time, Cinderella was so horny. So, she put Pinnochio's nose between her legs and shouted, "Magsinungaling ka, bilis!" Hehehe.

899. Si baby centipede, lumapit kay papa centipede. Bumulong, nahimatay si papa centipede. Ano kaya ang sinabi ng anak? Sagot: Pa, bilhan mo naman ako ng Havaianas!

900. Kung may problema ka, huwag kang magpapakamatay. Isipin mo, kabaong - 10000, burol - 3500, libing - 5000, kape at biskwit - 1500. Kaya kapag may problema ka, itext mo ako. Red horse - 25 lang!

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