901. It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”
902. My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”
903. Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”
904. In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”
905. I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)
906. My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
907. A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”
0508. While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”
909. My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”
910. I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”
911. Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
912. An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
913. I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”
914. I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”
915. An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”
916. I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
917. When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”
918. We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
919. A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”
920. A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.
921. A nice philosophy in life: “Everything always ends up alright, If things are not alright, then it’s not yet the end” 
922. DIVORCE VS. MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! “The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
923. THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
The family is sitting at the dinner table.The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.??
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, “Mom, how many types of “willies” are there?
“The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it’s like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree??”
Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”
924.Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife:
“Notice anything different about me?’”
Margaret looks him over, “Nope” she says.
Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”
Margaret looks up and says, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.
“Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’” ‘Nope’, she replies.
Bert Yells ‘CAUSE IT’S LOOKIN’ AT MY NEW BOOTS”
To which Margaret replies… “Should have bought a hat, Bert, Should have bought a hat.”
925. 10 Conyo-mandments
by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”.
ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in Andrew pa, you
know?”
2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.
ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so
eew, diba?”
“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”
“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”
3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang-uri!”
ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”
4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”
ex. “Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”
5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. “My bag is so bigat today, you know”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book
eh!”
6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish .
ex. “I have so many tigyawats, oh!”
7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. “Like, it’s so init naman!”
“Yah! The aircon, it’s, like sira!”
8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your
sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. “Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”
9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?”
ex. “Like, OMG! It’s like traffic sa LRT”
“I know right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”
10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full
effect!
ex. “I’m, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”
926. God has a perfect plan for our lives. He never does it all at once… just step by step… He wants to teach us to walk by faith not by sight
927. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
928. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. Often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one opens for us.
929. Happiness often sneaks through a door you didn’t know you left open because every exit is an entrance to another phase of life.
930. God sometimes delays his help to test our faith and energize our prayers. Our boat may be tossed by the waves while He sleeps but He wakes up before it sinks.
931. Great opportunities may come once in a lifetime, but small opportunities surround us every day. We are often challenged to do ‘great things’ for God. Actually, God is more pleased when we do small things for him out of loving obedience. They may be unnoticed by others, but God notices them and considers them acts of worship. (Rick Warren)..>Good Morning
932. Hardships in life are existing to test how far we can stand them. Never give up! They are the shadows which will remold us to become stronger than we used to be.
933. Many people have scars caused by people’s words. If that has happened to you, there’s another voice you should hear. The Lord’s words are stronger than anyone else’s. He has words of love and life, words of affirmation. “I have loved you with an everlasting love,” says the Father. God loves you so much, and He desires a deep and delightful relationship with you. Don’t be discouraged by the words of other. You are special in God’s eyes. – David Jeremiah. Good Morning and God bless!!!
934. When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound; rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal – Napoleon Hill
935. The biggest blessing in our lives is simply the presence of people who care much, whose love is for real, and see us much beyond ourselves.
936. It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are – Roy Disney
937. Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to – George Seaton
938. Life is a road full of twists and turns. Learn to enjoy the ride no matter how bumpy it is. For every twist and turn, a blessing is always given in return.
939. In three words I can sum up I learned about life, “it goes on” – Robert Frost
940. Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars – Henry Van Dyke
941. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. – Albert Camus
942. If nature were not beautiful, it would not be worth knowing, and if nature were not worth knowing, life would not be worth living. – Henri POincare
943. Forget about consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success.
944. Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, The blueprints of your ultimate achievements.
945. All of the things in life change. I happens with valid reasons. So, if you doubt why is happens to you, stick to this… “We can never learn to be brave and to be patient if there is only joy in the world”
946. Bakit ang tao pag love mo, iiwan ka. pag naman iniwan mo mamahalin ka.pag love mo syang talaga,may love nmng iba, bakit ganun,magulo? tulad mo 
947. Biniro kita, ginago mo ko. Nasaktan kita, tinarantado mo ko. Sa lahat ng ginawa ko, mas matindi ang ganti mo. Kaya ngayon, tanong ko lang. Bakit di mo pinantayan ang ginawa ko nung mahalin kita ng todo-todo?
948. Palagay mo ba madali para sa akin ang hindi ka alalahanin, isipin, at kalimutan ka na ng ganun ganun lng…sa tingin mo nakakahinga ako ng maluwag? huh?! di madali ang buhay ko kung namimiss kita!!
949. Ang hangin kahit saan pwede pumunta, pwede madama, at pwede mo makasama…Samantala ako nandito mag isa habang iniisip ka. Sana hangin na lang ako para sa mga oras na ito…Magkasama tayo…
950. Minsan may bumatok sa’kin sabay sabi, “Matauhan ka nga! Hindi ka n’ya mahal at ‘di na mamahalin pa!” Nasabi ko na lang…”So, dapat talaga may batok?!”