952. Be patient when God does not give you what you want. He knows the best time for you to have it. Just remember that you can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.
953. Friendship is like the relation between the hand and eyes. When the hand gets hurt, the eye cries and when the eye cries, the hand wipes its tears.
954. Try holding a handful of sand too tightly and you end up holding almost none. The same is true in life. You can't have everything.
955. I used to think that when God gave us friends, He was very fair. Until the day you became my friend - that's when I knew I was getting more than my share. ;)
956. In life, if you expect everything, anything may seem nothing. If you expect nothing, anything seems everything. Enjoy what you have. You'll be happy.
957. Don't rush into falling in love, for love never runs out. Even if they mock you because you are single, just tell them this: "God is just busy writing the best love story that will swipe me off my feet!"
958. A simple text means I care enough to flex a few muscles, search your name, wait for "Message Sent" then think of you and smile as I say, "Sarap ng may kaibigan!"
959. Our friendship means a lot to me, that if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I promise, I'll miss you.
960. Kapag may kaaway ka, kahit sobrang dami pa nila, kahit mas malaki pa sila sa akin, tawagin mo ako at babalikan natin sila. Hihingi tayo ng sorry. =)
961. In the beginning, God created the world in 6 days. Then, he rested on the 7th day. Then, a stupid moron created a school. From then on, pucha! Nobody rested.
962. Love changes you. The way you act, the way you think, the way you decide. Sometimes, you even go against your principles and beliefs in life. Loving doesn't always mean you'll be happy. But you will soon realize that it is better if the person you love would be happy with someone else, than lonely with you. That's what you call sacrifice.
963. If I could choose a dream for you, it would be the kind of dream you deserve. A dream that someday, you'll find that special person who will make your life complete.
964. A man cornered by a lion prayed, "Lord, make this lion a Christian." The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed, "Bless this food which I'm about to receive thru Christ our Lord. Amen."
965. Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)
966. If I were your exponent, I will give you powers. If I were your variable, I will give you solutions. But I'm only a friend to subtract your worries, add joy, divide grief and multiply your happiness!
967. The right guy isn't the one that flirts outrageously with you. It's the one that stands in the background and catches you when you fall.
968. Thought for women to keep: Men are not stupid. You do not need a complicated set of rules to find a good man who loves you. Here is the only thing you need to know, "If a man loves you, he will do anything to keep you around. ANYTHING..."
969. Quotes from Smallville: "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved." "Ironic: The one you loved the most is the one who can hurt you the most."
970. The paradox of life: Everybody wants to live a long life but nobody wants to get old. Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. And nobody seems to realize that in our life's journey, no one has ever reached the finish line alive. Enjoy your journey called life. Good night!
971. You aren't gonna be his last, his first, nor his only. He loved before, he will love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He is not perfect, you are not either. If he can make you laugh and he admits to being human and making mistakes, be with him. He's not gonna be thinking of you every moment of the day, but he will give you a part that he knows you can break his heart. So, don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy because perfect guys don't exist.
972. Kung talagang para sa iyo ang isang tao, mawala man sya sa iyo ng mahabang panahon, magkikita pa rin kayo. Kapag tama na ang mali at pwede na ang hindi. Kayo talaga sa huli.
973. Sa lahat lahat at sa dinami-rami ng taong nakilala ko... isa ka dun! :)
974. Goliat: Pareng Teban, nanalo ka raw sa raffle, isang sakong bigas. Eh, bakit lukot yang mukha mo? Teban: Nanalo nga pero isinaing na pagtanggap ko. Tulungan mo akong ubusin ito ha?!
975. Sa prusisyon. Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose, mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod? Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!
976. Naniniwala ka ba na kapag malaki ang su... malaki din ang pek...? Totoo naman, di ba? Syempre, kapag malaki ang sugat, malaki din ang peklat! =)
977. Exercise daily keeps your body healthy. Like my lola, she was 75 when started walking 5 miles a day. Now she's 98, and until now, hindi pa umuuwi. Wala ba dyan?
978. Doctor: Bukod sa akin, may nauna ka bang kinunsulta sa sakit mo? Pasyente: Sa albularyo ho. Doctor: Anong katarantaduhan ang ipinayo sa iyo? Pasyente: Magpunta daw ako sa inyo!
979. If you're upset with someone, put yourself in his shoes and walk a mile. So, when he gets mad, you're a mile away na, you have his shoes pa!
980. Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empunto! Maid: walang problema donya. Kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag almusal!
981. Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin? Anak: Mas bobo si tatay 'nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "Tama na Inday, hanggang tatlo lang ang kaya ko."
982. Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na. FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga.) Oo pare, hinog na. Erap: Sige, baba ka na at sungkitin natin.
983. Tumatakbo si Erap galing computer room na sinusundan ng staff: "Sir, bakit ka tumatakbo?" Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer 'press Ctrl then Escape'.
984. Misis: Sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako? Mister: Kung titingnan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.
985. Warning: Children playing outside the car can cause accident. Adults playing inside the car can cause children!!!!
986. "Asawa" 1st year masaya. After 5 years tanggalin ang A, "sawa na". After 10 years tanggalin ang S, "awa na lang". Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A, "wa na!"
987. Perfect Heaven: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy wife! Perfect Hell: Having Korean car, British wife, German food, American home and Pinoy salary!
988. Man: Love, nawawala yung singsing na ibinigay mo sa akin. Wife: Maniac ka kasi, kung saan-saan mo ipinapasok yang daliri mo. Hayan o, nalaglag kanina pag-ihi ni Inday!
989. May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante. Biglang hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng daga? Daga: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama! Dahil hindi makapaniwala ang elepante, dinala niya ang daga sa doktor. Tuwang tuwa ang elepante at masayang ibinulong ang resulta ng ultrasound. Biglang hinimatay ang daga. Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante? Elepante: Ako nga ang ama, at elepante ang anak natin, kambal!
990. Bakit hindi pwedeng magswimming ng sabay-sabay ang mga kalbo sa jacuzzi? Kasi, magmumukha silang fishballs! Tusok na!
991. Ang araw ay sisikat kahit hindi mo utusan. Ang hangin ay iihip kahit hindi mo hilingin. At ang puso ay titibok kahit hindi mo pilitin. Pero ang pinakamatindi ay kapag may LBM ka! Lalabas ang ebs kahit gaano mo pigilin!
992. Girlfriend: Mahal, ihatid mo ako. Boyfriend: Hindi pwede babe. Wala akong pera. Naoperahan ang lola ko, may sakit ang kapatid ko. Wala pang ipinapadala si mommy galing Japan. Girlfriend: Ayaw mo? Hindi ka makakascore sa akin, tandaan mo yan! Boyfriend: Ahahaha! Aba'y tingnan mo nga naman. May naipit pala na P500 sa bulsa ko! Tara babe, taxi tayo!
993. Minsan, naglalakad ako, nag-iisa. Lumingon ako sa kanan, wala akong nakita. Lumingon ako sa kaliwa, wala rin akong nakita. Kaya ayun, tumawid na ako! =)
994. Bata: Takot ako bunot ipin. Dentist: Huwag matakot. Bibigyan kita ng gamot, pampatapang. (Ininom ang gamot.) Dentist: O, matapang ka na? Bata: Tang ina, sino gagalaw ipin ko, babasagin ko bungo!
995. Those who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. Pucha! Inom lang ng inom! Pupulikatin din yang sorrow na yan! =)
996. Sigaw ng nirerape na babae, "Tulong, tulong!" Rapist: Huwag ka nang humingi ng tulong, kaya ko itong mag-isa!
997. Teacher: Ano ang pangalan ng pinakamalakas na bagyo? Juan: Tukso po. Teacher: Bakit Tukso? Juan: Kasi, kayrami nang winasak na tahanan, kayrami nang matang pinaluha at kayrami nang pusong sinugatan.
998. Sa kumpisalan. Sexy: Father, kasalanan ba ang hindi pagsusuot ng panty? Father: Oo! Sexy: Paano po yan? Wala akong suot na panty ngayon. Father: Magtambling ka ng 10x papuntang altar!
999. IDD call from Saudi. Husband: Hon, kumusta ang tindahan? Wife: Department store na! Husband: Ang beer house? Wife: KTV Bar na! Husband: Yung tricycle? Wife: Taxi na! Husband: Eh ang 2 nating anak? Wife: Lima na!
1000. "Ya Ye Yi Yo Yu" Ya: Sosyal na yes. Ye: Lasing na yes. Yi: Bisayang yes. Yo: Hip-hop na yes. Yu: One of the best people I've ever known. God bless!
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