902. They say the world will end soon. They may be right but they could also be wrong. But whatever fate the world may have, I won't allow it to end without telling you, "I'm glad you came along."
903. A true friend is like the best book, sometimes, the cover may not be so elegant but the contents are like bars of gold that you can treasure for a lifetime. Take care!
904. Just read and think. A doll was given to a little girl and she liked it a lot. As time passed by, the doll became dirty and old. The girl's birthday came and she received a new doll to play with. So she threw the old doll and played with the new one. After a few weeks, the new doll started to break. She suddenly realized that the old doll was better. Now, she can never find the old doll. And she had no doll to play with anymore. Who do you think suffered much pain? Yung naglaro o yung pinaglaruan? =)
905. A faithful husband was drunk, he didn't know what was happening around him. Upon going home, he directly entered the room and slept. When morning came, he was amazed. Everything is in order, tablet of aspirin and a glass of water with a note, "Good morning hon, I'll just buy groceries for our dinner! Have your breakfast! Luv u!" He was wondering why was that so, eventhough he was drunk last night. He asked his son, "What happened last night? Why is this so? Your mom should be angry." Son replied, "Mom tried to uncloth you, but you said, 'Stop! I'm married.'"
906. How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move! =)
907. A cardiologist died and was put in a heart shaped coffin. Another doctor laughed when he saw it, he was asked why and he said, "I'm just thinking about me, I'm a gynecologist."
908. A kid asked a priest: "Father, besides praying, do you have any other enjoyable past time?" The priest tapped the kid's cheek and calmly replied, "Nun, my child, nun."
909. People may be unkind, just be kind. They may cheat you, just be honest. They may forget your good deeds, just do good. In the end, it's between you and God, not you and them. Good evening!
910. Never let go of anyone that you couldn't go a day without thinking about. There just might be a very good reason why they're always on your mind. Sometimes, it's the brain that knows too well what the heart tries so hard to deny.
911. We bridge distance with text messages. Still we know it fails to fill the space but I hope ours isn't just an exchange of text messages. It's keeping friendship alive.
912. Once there was a mirror who kills anyone who lie. FVR: I think, I don't smoke. (Killed) Cory: I think, I hate yellow. (Killed) GMA: I think, I'm tall. (Killed) Erap: I think (Killed).
913. Brain stuffs. Husband: I heard that fish is a brain food. Wife: You better eat a whale. *** Student: I heard that fish is a brain food. Room mate: Yeah, I eat it all the time. Student: Well, there goes another theory. *** Husband: How long can a man live without brains? Wife: I don't know. How old are you? *** Father: Don't you think our son gets all his brains from me? Mother: Maybe, I still have all mine. *** Don: She's a bright girl. She has brains enough for two. Art: Then, she's just the girl for you.
914. Job interview. Boss: Why should we hire you? Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay. Boss: English please. Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!
915. Ang pagtext ng walang humpay, pambubulabog nang walang sablay, pang-aasar na walang kapantay, mga mensaheng walang saysay, sa Globe, posible!
916. Ano ang sabi ng panda sa photographer? Dude, ayoko ng black and white ha!
917. Huwag kang maging makasarili. Huwag ka ding maging plastik. Kung kailangan mo ng kausap, dito lang ako, takbuhan mo ako at tatakbuhan din kita. Habulan tayo para masaya!
918. Habang binabasa mo ito, alam kong gising ka na! Kasi, paano mo ito mababasa kung tulog ka pa? Gandang umaga! Ingat!
919. Erap returns book to the library, bangs it on the table and says, "Too many characters, no story at all!" Librarian: Ah! Kayo po pala ang kumuha ng telephone directory namin!
920. Ang pagmamahal ay hindi inaasahan, dumarating ng biglaan. Magugulat ka na lang minsan, kapag bumili ka sa tindahan, 1.50 na pala ang isang Boy Bawang! Ang bilis magmahal!
921. Tagalog: Friend, ano ba ang difference ng opinion sa conclusion? Bisaya: Ang tanga mo naman! Papasok ka sa pinto kung opin-yun. Pero con-clus-yon, hindi pwedeng pumasok!
922. Wife: Hon, sino si Trixie? Husband: Ah, kabayo yun! Yung pinustahan ko sa karera. Wife: Ah, ganon? Sige, animal ka! Sagutin mo yung telepono. Tumatawag yung kabayo!
923. Guy1: Papalitan ko na ang name ko. Guy2: Bakit, ano bang pangalan mo? Guy1: Joseph Putingtae! Guy2: Ang pangit nga! Ano naman ang ipapalit mo? Guy1: Ricky Putingtae!
924. Anak: Inay, ano yung 10 commandments? Ina: Iyon ang 10 utos ng Diyos. Anak: Mas mataas po pala kayo sa Diyos. Ina: Bakit? Anak: Mas marami kang utos eh!
925. When I say "Good morning!", it means isip kita. When I say "Ingat ka", it means I pray for your safety. And when I say "Ang cute mo!" it means antok pa ako. Good morning!
926. Maraming humihingi ng puso ko, lahat sila, siguradong mahal ako. Pero kahit ganun, ayoko pa ring ibigay. Kasi, Ikaw.... Ikaw ba naman ang mawalan ng puso, hindi ka kaya mamatay? =)
927. Teacher: Juan, read your 500 words essay to your classmates. Juan: Ok, ma'am! My miming. Bow! I have a miming! My miming is lost. So, I went outside the house and look for my miming! ming! (478x!)
928. Kapag iniwan ka ng taong mahal mo, sabihin mo... PASALUBONG!!
929. Di ba, mahirap kapag may sakit ka? Hindi ka makakain, hirap lumunok. Tapos sasabihin pa ng nanay mo, "Sige na anak, kumain ka na, kahit tatlong kutsara lang." Pagkain nga, ang hirap lunukin, kutsara pa kaya?!
930. When moon and stars at night are gone, and the sun is nowhere to be found at day, there could only be one reason for that. Andun na kay Lumen! Sinungkit na lahat ni Lando!
931. The time I saw you, I admit I can't resist to look at your face. The eyes, cheeks, almost everything seem perfect. Then I said to myself, "Walang duda, si Bakekang ito!"
932. Last night, my pillow saw me sad. He asked, "Why are you crying? Why are those tears falling on me?" Know what I did? Syempre, tumakbo ako! Ikaw kaya ang kausapin ng unan?! English pa!
933. Tatay: Juan, mag-aral ka ha! Juan: Ayoko tay, bobo kasi ako. Hindi ako makaintindi. Tatay: Mag-aral ka nga para makaintindi ka! Juan: Ayoko nga tay! Bakit hindi ka makaintindi? Bobo ka rin ba tay?!
934. Isang lola ang naholdap. Lola: Wala akong pera! Holdaper: Alam ko kung nasaan ang pera mo! (sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni lola) Lola: Ituloy mo iho, may tseke pa sa ibaba!
935. If you see your boyfriend flirting with someone, lapitan mo sya, hilahin at pagpagin mo ang damit nya. Sabay sabi, "Ano ba naman? Malaki ka na, naglalaro ka pa rin ng basura? You know naman di ba? Dirty yan!"
936. Kung dumating ang oras na madilim ang iyong tinatahak na daan at parang wala ka nang makitang sikat ng araw sa iyong buhay, sigurado, gabi na! Good night!
937. Kung gusto mo sya, pero hindi mo masabi, huwag kang matakot. Harapin mo sya, tingnan mo sya sa mata at sabihin mo, "Someday, matitikman din kita! Rarrr!"
938. They say the early bird catches the worm. Sila na lang, hindi naman tayo kumakain ng worm noh? Tulog tayo ulit. Bangon na lang tayo kapag chicken na ang ulam. Good morning!
939. ... Nakikita mo ba yang 3 tuldok na yan?! Mabuti naman! =)
940. We were born beautiful... Some were just born! Devah! hehehe.
941. Bakit ang lamok, hindi naman inaano, nangangagat? Napakayabang! =(
942. It is not who I am underneath, it is what I do that defines me. - Batman. Iniisip nila ay hindi mahalaga, mahal kita maging sino ka man. - Robin. Good night! - Kukote.
943. Funny things about love: You are trying to forget someone kahit hindi mo kaya. Nagmamahal ka nang hindi nya alam. Seryoso sabay loko. Idedelete mo ang number nya, memorize mo naman! Hindi mo mahal pero iniisip mo. Wala kang paki, pero kung mag-alala ka, sobra-sobra. Habang binabasa mo ito, ngumingiti ka, nagkataon lang ba o gawain mo talaga?
944. Importante ang susunod mong mababasa... IMPORTANTE.
945. Daughter: Ma, vegetable po ba ang talong o hayop? Mom: Of course, vegetable. Why? Daughter: Eh why the secretary always says, "Hayop talaga ang talong mo sir!"
946. Nakakita ka na ba ng white lady sa Balete? O matusok ng ice pick sa paglakad sa Tondo? Nakapick-up ka na ba ng prosti sa Quezon Avenue? Napagtripan ng TBS sa Sampaloc? O maparambol sa Sta. Ana? Nadukutan ka na ba sa Divisoria? O naisnatchan ng bag sa Letre? Naholdup ka na ba sa Recto? O maagawan ng cellphone sa Monumento? Tara na! Byahe tayo! Nang ating makita ang ganda ng Pilipinas at galing ng Pilipino!
947. If you are an animal, what would you be? A rabbit or a snail? Rabbits are the most sexually active animals and can have sex many times in a day. Snails live 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but the orgasm lasts for 18 hours. Would you go for quantity or quality? Ahehehe, choosy ka pa?!
948. Ang pag-aaral, parang beer. Mapait sa simula pero masarap kapag nasanay ka na. Masakit sa ulo at nakakaantok. Ang pagkakaiba lang, mas mura ang beer. Kaya bakit pa tayo mag-aaral? Inuman na lang!
949. Masaya kapag maraming friends! Tawanan, kantsawan, gimik, trippings. Saya, di ba? Minsan nga, naiisip ko, bakit kailangan pang magboyfriend e nandyan naman kayo? Walang cool-off. Walang split! Yun nga lang, walang ka-sex! hehehe.
950. Kapag cute ang friend ko, hindi ko nalilimutan ang pangalan nya! Promise, hindi talaga. Parang ikaw! Hindi ko nakakalimutan ang pangalan mo, kasi cute ka! Tama ba ako? Richard!
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