542. There will come a time in your life when you will fall in love with a single soul. For this person, you would do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why, you have no answer. You will try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you, but you'll never find out. And no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts, you will love this person without regret, for the rest of your life.
543. You will never realize how much you care about a person until the thought of him/her being with someone else is enough to break your heart.
544. Sometimes, we dream on ideal love we wanted. When it comes, we give the best to hold on to it, but though we gave more than enough, they still hurt us for the reason we don't understand.
545. Man went to confession. Man: Father, during the war, a beautiful young lady asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in the attic. Father: That's a very good gesture, you need not confess. Man: But as the days went, she repaid me with daily sexual favors. Father: That is still forgiven my son. Man: But I have another question. Father: What is it my son? Man: Shall I tell her the war is over? =)
546. Lady: Teach me how to play badminton. Coach: Hold the racket the way you hold your husband's cock. Lady: Ok. Coach: No! No! Ma'am, please take the racket out of your mouth! Hahaha!
547. My doctor once told me that a great friend by my side is good for my health. So, if I want to live longer, I must stick with you forever. Good night!
548. Your life doesn't need to be perfect, you don't need to be rich, you don't need to be famous, as long as a friend like me exists, jackpot ka! Cute na, mahal ka pa! =)
549. I know how busy you are right now. I know you have so many things to do. But I just want to steal a single moment of your time to ask... Kapamilya: Deal or No Deal?
550. Who said fill in the blank is very easy? Try this. Fill in the blank with Yes or No. "___, I am not a normal person."
551. Friendship is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends. It only reminds us, life is not perfect without a friend.
552. Life is like the ocean, now troubled, later calm. Full of trials, filled with tests. But even how big the waves are, and no matter how high the tide is, always remember that, "Tide is mirakol!" Good night!
553. I showed a picture of myself to you and said, "Tingnan mo oh, tayong dalawa." But you said, "Asan ako?" Then, I pointed at my chest and smiled, "Nandito ka sa puso ko."
554. Wife stands in front of a mirror and tells husband, "I'm ugly, my boobs are sagging, my ass is too fat. Give me a compliment." Husband: "You have a very good eyesight."
555. What makes life wonderful? Friends, to share the great moments in life. Friends, to take the blues away. Friends, that make you smile all the time! Good day!
556. Real beauty is not based on physical features but in the heart. Yan ang motto ng mga pangit! Ito ang sa atin... With good looks comes great responsibility! Good morning!
557. As the sky breaks into a beautiful sunrise, may God open the heavens to shower you lots of love and happiness and make your day a truly meaningful one. Have a nice day!
558. I wish you wake up this morning realizing what a wonderful person you are and the world is blessed to have you as a part of it. Enjoy life! Good morning!
559. Imagine life without me. (long spaces) See?! Hahanapin mo ako. Don't worry, I'll never leave you. I'm always here for you.
560. Caring is a wonderful gift that no one can buy. It is made up of love that roots in our hearts to make fruits of memory not just for a while but for a lifetime. Good morning!
561. The important element of closeness is communication, that's the reason why my fingers are still pressing the keys on my phone, because I don't want to cut the line that connects us. Good day!
562. Ahas1: Makamandag ba tayo? Ahas2: Ewan, bakit? Ahas1: Nakagat ko ang dila ko kanina eh, kinakabahan ako.
563. Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo! Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa! Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!
564. Hindi ko na kayang mabigo sa love. Kaya kumuha ako ng taling matibay, itinali ko sa puno. Sabi ng mga kapitbahay, "Huwag, mahal ka namin!" Sabi ko, "Eh ano naman? Magsasampay lang ako, nakikialam kayo!"
565. Love, love, love, ipasok mo na! Sige na, bilisan mo! Bilis, basa na! Basang basa na, ipasok mo na! Ipasok mo na, bilis! Ipasok mo na ang mga isinampay kong damit at umuulan na!
566. Para sa makulit, pero mabait. Para sa sabog, pero kalog. Para sa mapang-asar, pero thoughtful. Para sa maloko, pero cute. Para sa akin pala ito?! Pakisend nga ulit!
567. Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US. Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod. Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
568. Tumabi ako sa iyo at huminga ng malalim. Tinanong mo ako, "Bakit?" Ngumiti ako. Nagtanong ka ulit, "Bakit nga?" Sumagot ako, "Bakit ba? Masama bang huminga?"
569. Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like., because the one you like will leave you for the one they love. Minikaniko ni Moniko ang makina ni Monica. Bituka, butika, butiki. Pasko, paksiw, pasko, paksiw. Tongue twister lang, akala mo, inspirational? =)
570. Reporter: Sir, do you watch CNN? Pinoy: Walang oras. R: Do you read books? P: Walang oras. R: Do you play golf? P: Walang oras. R: Do you drink wine or liquor? P: Walong oras!
571. Husband: Hindi ako makatulog, lagi kong naiisip ang utang ko kay pare na dalawang milyong piso. Wife: Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mo, hindi ka makakabayad para sya naman ang hindi makatulog.
572. GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan? Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na "Sugarfree." GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!
573. Teacher: Magbigay ng halimbawa ng may number. Boy: Cellphone, calculator, keyboard, clock at remote control! Teacher: Very good. Ano pa? Boy: Ang tatay ko pa. May number 2!
574. Frat leader: Balita ko, gay ka?! Member: Hindi ako bakla! Chismax lang yun ng mg chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenelyn nila! Mga chaka ever! Me, Baklush? Haller?!
575. Ang ulan, handa ka man o hindi, bumubuhos. Pero sa tuwing papatak ito, may isang taong handang mabasa kasama mo. Sya yung taong wala ring payong! Of course! =)
576. Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. Count the money in your pocket, and then, hati tayo! Wow!
577. Pare1: Hihiwalayan ko na ang Misis kong sinungaling. Natulog daw sya kagabi sa ate nya. Pare2: Anong masama dun? Pare1: Pare, katabi kong natulog ang ate niya kagabi!
578. Sa isang kumbento, may naghagis ng ti** ng kabayo. Nagkagulo, nagsigawan at nag-iyakan ang mga madre sabay sabing, "Huhuhu, mga sisters, patay na si father!"
579. Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse in Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice Cream? Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga bata, Mirinda na!" Lufet!
580. A priest at a church. Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari? Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!
.
