742. How generous of God, granting us another day... to prosper, to win a heart, to right a wrong, to make things better and to live life with joy! Have a good day ahead! God bless!
743. A butterfly was in love with a white rose. One day, the butterfly proposed to the rose. The white rose told him that when she turns red, that's the only time she'll love him. The butterfly then fly, cut his body and spread his blood on the rose. The rose turned red and fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly was no longer alive. Love sacrifices are sometimes useless especially if that someone doesn't know how to appreciate. They will come to realize important things when it's already too late.
744. Do you know what makes me happy when you text me? Not your message, but your name that appears when it beeps. Because I miss the sender behind it.
745. As you admire the wonderful things God has made today, remember you're one of them! Wonderful inside and out. You are blessed! You're special! You're loved! Good morning!
746. If my message comes in the wrong time, sorry for the disturbance. And when your phone beeps only to find out na ako lang pala, hope you're not disappointed. Hindi naman siguro masama na maalala kita, di ba?
747. Friendship is not about "kasalanan mo yun." Dapat, "i'm sorry." Not "Nasaan ka ba?" Dapat, "Andito ako." Not "Bakit ganyan ka?" Dapat, "I understand." and not "Sana ganito ka." Dapat, "Thanks kasi ganyan ka."
748. Breakfast advisory: Ang kape ay pampanerbyos samantalang ang gatas ay pampalakas. Kaya huwag uminom ng kapeng may gatas dahil ito ay pampalakas ng nerbyos. Gandang umaga!
749. It is better to have nobody than somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there and then suddenly disappears.
750. News: GMA kidnapped by terrorists. $5 million ransom demand or she'll be set on fire. All donations appreciated... so far, 500,000 liters of gasoline received! Hahaha!
751. A good husband was asked. Do you sleep with other women? He replied: I sleep only with my wife. With other women, I stay awake all the time!
752. Police arrests a prostitute who protests: I am not selling sex! Cop: Then, what are you doing? Prostitute: I'm a saleswoman selling condoms and offering free demo!
753. Heartthrob ba ako? If yes, huwag kang magreply. If no, itext mo sa akin ang tagalog ng toothpaste, cake, roller coaster at ng remote control.
754. One day, a sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac were talking in a psychic ward... Sadist: I'm bored, why don't we torture a cat? Zoophile: Yeah, we'll torture it and then f*ck it! Murderer: We'll torture it, f*ck it and then kill it! Necrophile: We'll torture it, f*ck it, kill it and f*ck it again! Pyromaniac: Yeah! Then, we'll burn the cat! ... Sudden silence... Then, all asked the masochist, "Why he didn't say anything?" Masochist: Meow!
755. Anong tawag sa kuto na nasa ulo ng kalbo? Eh di homeless! Boink!
756. Meron ka na lamang 6 na oras para mabuhay! Kung nais mong magregister muli para patuloy na mabuhay, reply BUHAY. No need to reply kung hindi mo na nais i-extend ang iyong buhay!
757. Doc: What happened to your vag*na? Ang laki! Girl: I was raped by an elephant. Doc: But elephants have small d*cks! Girl: Ampotahnang yun! Fininger muna ako! Shet!
758. Teacher: Ano ang ating pambasang hayop? Nagsisimula sa letter K! Student: Kabayo? Teacher: Mali! Nagtatapos sa letter W. Student: Kabayow? Teacher: Mali, may sungay ito! Student: Demonyong Kabayow?! Teacher: Get out!
759. "Ako, Edward, pinakasalan kita dahil mahal kita, pero pati ba naman mga katulong, dapat kong pakisamahan?" - Sharon Cuneta, Madrasta.
760. Faces in text. :-( naexpired na unlimited. :-D after sex. :-< pretending na demure. :-P pacute na smile. :0 imbyerna sa buhay. %-) bangag/lasing. B-) nakakita ng prospect.
761. Just imagine life without girls. The results... Telephones silent. Malls empty. Shoes and bag industries closed. All mobile companies in loss. No cosmetics. No flowers. No valentine's day. No jewelries. No perfumes. No travelling. Devastated economy. But all men go directly to heaven!
762. Priest (in Malacañang): Next Sunday, I'll preach about the sin of lying. To understand more, I want you all to read Mark, chapter 17. (Next Sunday) Priest: How many of you read Mark chapter 17? (Only GMA's hand went up!) Priest (smiled): Mark has only 16 chapters. Let's now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.
763. Why are Egyptian children always confused? Answer: Because after death, daddy becomes the mummy.
764. Friend always understand each other, that's why wem dgrfhb djhgl adho lasofd. Ano? Hindi mo maintindihan? Ako din eh! Friends nga tayo!
765. Sa bakery. Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake. Ale: Bah, sosyal ka! Namamalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake! Ito ang dalawang pandesal. Pulubi: Hindi po pwede, kasi, birthday ko ngayon!
766. Mister: Kapag namatay ka, isusulat ko sa nitso mo, "Malamig nung buhay, mas malamig nung namatay." Misis: Ah, ganon ha! Sa nitso mo naman, ilalagay ko, "Sa wakas, tumigas din!" =)
767. Sa isang haunted historic place. Babae: Baka may multo dito! Guide: Sa tagal nang work mo dito, wala pa akong nakikitang multo. Babae: Whew! Gaano ka na ba katagal nagwowork dito? Guide: 285 years na. Awooo!
768. Minsan, sa dami ng problema, gusto kong umiyak at tumakbo sa malayong malayo, kaso... as usual, tinatamad ako.
769. Sa isang museum... Lalake: Ito bang pangit na ito ang tinatawag ninyong "art?" Ang pangit! Nakakasuka! Painting ba ito? Guide: Hindi po sir. Salamin yan!
770. Globe advisory: Salamat sa paggamit ng Globe Unlimitxt. Ang walang load ngayon ay maaari munang magpagulong gulong at tumalon talon para malibang ang sarili. Salamat.
771. Tatanggalin na ang 26K girls sa Deal or No Deal. Macho men na ang ipapalit na nakasuot lang ng brief na may mga numbers. Kaya ang sasabihin na ni Kris, "Men, open your brief case!" Exciting!
772. Time can heal all wounds, time can give you another chance, time can help you forget, time can let you move on. Dati, ang alam ko lang e time is gold! Improving! =)
773. Wife: Honey, kapag hawak ko ang bote ng softdrinks na ito, naaalala ko ang ex-boyfriend ko. Husband: Eh ako, kelan mo ako naaalala? Wife: Kapag subo ko na ang straw.
774. Saan ka na? Magreply ka naman. Andito kami, naghihintay sa iyo sa may GMA Studio. May taping tayo ngayon sa commercial ng Safeguard. Bilisan mo, ikaw ang germs! hahaha!
775. Man: Ne, anong pangalan mo? GRO: Paquita po! Man: Aba, antigo na yang pangalan mo. Bihira na ang may ganyang pangalan. Sino yung mga kasama mo? GRO: Yung nakaputi, si Pahipo. Yung nakapula, si Pahiga, at yung nakastripe, si Patuwad.
776. Nun: I was raped... what shall I do? Mother Superior: Here, take this calamansi. Nun: Will this ease the pain? Mother Superior: Sipsipin mo! Nang mawala ngiti sa mukha mo, Bwiset!!!
777. Riiiiinnnnnng! Riiiiiiiiiiinnnnng! Kris: Banker? Salamat!
778. Isang gabi, nanaginip ka. May isang batang nadapa, tinulungan mo sya. Nagulat ka nang yakapin ka nya nang mahigpit at sinabi nyang, "Isinilang sana ako kung nagkatuluyan kayo, nice meeting you mommy!"
779. Mahirap magmahal ng patago, kasi baka mahalin ka rin nya ng patago. Kung ganon din lang, wag na kayo magmahalan! Magtaguan na lang!
780. Hirap umibig, hirap din umiyak. Hirap magmahal, hirap din masaktan. Hirap umasa, hirap din mabigo. Pero mas mahirap sa lahat... maligo na walang tabo, tapos pambuhos mo bote ng YAKULT!
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